The 'S' word

[n1ck13]

So my nonno committed suicide earlier this year and although we weren't terribly close, I can't stop thinking about it :/ we had a bit of a language barrier but I feel so sad that I couldn't help him! When I saw him just hanging there I felt helpless and I just wanted to hold his hand ;( I wish I knew why?! It makes me sad to think that he must of felt there was no other way...I've been thinking alot lately :/ I guess at times I can relate to it all, just wanted to reach out, thanks for reading xx

[agraves911]

:( losing a grandparent is hard. They are the ones who comfort you and tell you wise things they've learned. I'm sorry for your loss.

[n1ck13]

He was never like that, and I guess this will sound weird but the sad part wasn't losing him (cause I know this was going to happen at some point) but it was how he died and the many questions and emotions it has left me with! My family was so angry at him but I was angry at myself (and them!) for not seeing it coming, for not being there for him but strangely I was proud of him for being able to do what he wanted to do (if he truly meant it) I was happy for him I guess but I just wish I understood why :/

[agraves911]

I can't imagine the questions that I would have. You said that no one saw it coming and that it made you angry with yourself. Often times people don't see it. Coming because the person doesn't want you to. Your grandpa hid it from you that's why you didn't see it coming, he didn't want you to.

[n1ck13]

I know and it scares me because I have an excellent poker face and although I don't want to do anything stupid, sometimes it's just hard to cope :/ so I can only imagine how he felt!

[agraves911]

Have you tried seeing someone?

[n1ck13]

No not yet, I should I know, but I'm a great procrastinator! That and I wouldn't know where to start :/

[agraves911]

Go to your regular doctor and they can direct to someone for your problems. Seeing someone helped me a lot. I don't see anyone anymore, now I must take meds but seeing a therapist really helped me recognize what was wrong with me in the first place.

[n1ck13]

Last time I went to my gp I was a mess, couldn't stop crying I'd just had enough... He basically told me to suck it up that there wasn't much I could do about it and that was about it :/ no help whatsoever! So now I think I'm just being a sook basically, If a DR won't help me who can?

[agraves911]

You need a new GP.