hey all. new here.

[sanscosm]

after pissing off all my friends and family now with my ranting every day, i've come to terms with the idea that i may have anxiety or depression or something. anxiety seems to fit the most.

my job CONSUMES me. anything that happens at work i will talk about to whoever will listen for as long as they let me when i get home. i go from being angry to worried, back and forth. but that's just the last straw of all the other things that go along with this.

as long as i can remember i've had fears. if my mom was late coming home from work i'd fear the worst, if i left my house to go to school i worried my grandmother or dogs would die. the sad part is, i still have the same worries! i constantly think i leave things plugged in and i'm going to burn the house down (such as a hair straightener/toaster/etc though i've never left them plugged in). and this is just the tip of the iceberg!
also in my profession i have to speak to people all the time, i'm a counselor. speaking to younger people doesn't bother me, but speaking to adults at work i get nervous. i never stand up for myself, confrontation terrifies me, even though i want to and think i'm going to. when it comes down to it, i just get very anxious/shy and unable to say what i really want. i also turn RED in these situations. and last but not least the trichotillomania and hyperhydrosis!!!

my life's a mess. i'm in my early 20's. my father died last year, my grandmother died a couple of years before, the drummer of my band died when i was 18, my bf of 6 years was just diagnosed bipolar, i just started this new job, i either don't sleep or sleep too much but either way i never feel rested, my eating habits are horrible, i'm a terrible friend lately because i rarely let anyone else speak i just rant on and on about my job and what i wish i could do or what i wish could happen, and i just want to RUN AWAY FROM IT ALL.

so basically, just wondering if anyone else feels completely out of control, yet helpless. i'm just so embarassed about everything i do and it's totally overwhelming. i'm currently not in therapy or on meds, and i never have been.

thanks for letting me rant some more.

[txmom]

also in my profession i have to speak to people all the time, i'm a counselor. speaking to younger people doesn't bother me, but speaking to adults at work i get nervous. i never stand up for myself, confrontation terrifies me, even though i want to and think i'm going to. when it comes down to it, i just get very anxious/shy and unable to say what i really want. i also turn RED in these situations.

I know exactly what you mean.
I'm in a position of some authority at my job; I function well enough and am not at all self-conscious with children (I'm a preschool teacher).
But when I speak to their parents (which I have to do in twice-yearly conferences) I get very nervous; even just greeting parents in the morning, I get nervous.
I'm shy and passive with my coworkers and afraid of my boss (even though she's nice; I'm afraid of disappointing her).
I have two assistants, a morning one and an afternoon one.
I'm afraid of them. They walk all over me.
It's pitiful; I am their supervisor, and yet I'm afraid to tell them when they're doing things wrong, because I don't want to offend them or make them not like me.
In short, I'm a doormat.
:(

[sanscosm]

well if it's any comfort to you, it's a comfort to me that i'm not the only one in a school setting like this. i feel like i'm inadequate to be helping teenagers of all people cope with their problems when i'm a mess! i mean, it's not like they know i'm a mess, i just feel like i need to listen to my own advice sometimes.

my boss is not nice at all. and i take everything personally, and he's very intimidating. in short, it sucks!

more room in front of the door for another doormat? :oops:

i'm also afraid of going to a therapist because i think a) i'll know what they're trying to do. let me clarify because people seem to think i mean i know more than a therapist, it's not that way. it's just that i feel i've had very similar training and i know various techniques that i use with people i counsel, and to have those use with me would be kinda strange maybe? i dunno. b) being put on medication. i probably need it because this whole thing is getting worse, but i'm scared of who i'll become on meds. c) i'm just all around nervous about it!

and i'm still awake because i missed work today for a meeting and worrying about tomorrow now. this also happens sunday nights, and after breaks, but especially when i miss a day when everyone else was in. and i have to get up in 5 1/2 hours for work.