klord6
11-12-2012, 10:40 AM
My anxiety started when I was 19. I remember having chest pains for about a week, and it was scary! Naturally I looked up my symptoms online and I remember it saying that if you have chest pains laying down that it is a heart attack and you need to get to the hospital. Well, my chest pains were when I was laying down. I remember getting more nervous each night so…
My first panic attack went something like this: I had my chest pains for a few days. Keep in mind that I lived by myself in an apartment. Anyways, my boyfriend was on his way. He lives far away though, about a 30 minute drive. I remember being in the shower and all of a sudden a horrible feeling came over me. I thought I was dying. I felt my throat closing up. I know I had more symptoms but when you feel like you can’t breathe that’s the only thing you can think about. I got out of the shower and quickly put on some clothes. For some reason I didn’t call the ambulance but instead got into my car and drove to my friend’s house only a couple minutes away. I walked in and saw one of my acquaintances. I was hoping to see one of my better friends but I think he was in his room. Anyways, I walked in and told the guy sitting on the couch that I needed to go to the hospital. I have a vague memory of him saying that I looked really pale and he got up and started to drive me. All I remember from the drive was asking him to drive faster because I thought I was dying. The hospital was not too far from me and I remember feeling a tiny bit better the closer we got. I walked in and told the nurse that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All she asked from me was to see my insurance card!! I couldn’t believe it… I thought I was dying.
I saw a doctor that night (by this time my friend had left and my boyfriend showed up at the hospital) and she prescribed me Xanax. I didn’t fill it that night because it was 3 in the morning on a week night. I went to school the next day and I remember calling my mom and telling her that I just didn’t feel right.
ANYWAYS, that was a super long story but I wanted to tell it because that’s how my anxiety started. I honestly don’t have much recollection after that. I do remember getting a summer job that required me to drive out of town a bit. I recall driving into work one day, knowing that I would have to drive out of town, and having this horrible feeling come over me. My head felt SO heavy, like I couldn’t even keep it up. It was scary so I ended up calling in. My boyfriend came and picked me up and took me to his house and I kind of felt better. I had many experiences like this driving out of town so I knew I had agoraphobia (not in the usual sense but I still had it).
So after that for about a year things got better. I really think it was because I was in school just taking classes (I’m good at school and I usually like it!). I wasn’t working anymore and I had a schedule and it was something I knew I could do. I do, however, have a memory a couple months after my panic attack of sitting in my biology class and having a full blown panic attack. I literally sat there and did not hear a word my professor said. So basically, I can account for maybe three or four actual panic attacks.
As I said, things got better. I started nursing school in January 2012 and everything was pretty good. My boyfriend and I of four years had just broken up in October and I definitely wasn’t over it. That caused me a lot of distress. In February, howeser, we started seeing each other and officially started dating again in April. I still feel like that break up causes me a lot of anxiety but I know it’s not the cause of all of my anxiety- it’s SCHOOL! Anyways, we are together again and just had our five year anniversary
Anyways, nursing school was fine at first. It’s a fast track program so essentially we go for 16 months straight. During the summer I took 18 credits (which is a lot!!) that included 16 hours of clinical a week. It was 8 hours on Thursday and 8 hours on Friday. I just started getting so anxious over it. I wouldn’t sleep at night because I was so anxious about getting up so early (5:30 am). I think I was anxious because each day was so different. I would have a different nurse that I would have to work with plus I was pushing myself to take more patients than I probably could. It sucks so badly (for me, anyways) to just not know what I’m doing and putting a lot of pressure on myself. But the sleeping was probably the worst part about my anxiety – I would literally not sleep all night because I was so anxious about having to get up so early and to not completely know what I was doing.
So, life went on. I got through my summer and started in community/home health. It was way different than before. We weren’t in the hospital but instead doing “community” things. My anxiety at this point was okay at the beginning. I hadn’t had a panic attack in a long time. But as time went on I started getting more anxious. One day my clinical group (8 girls) had to go and give flu shots at several locations around town to 0-36 month kids. We were at our first location and it was my turn. I had to give it to a father (he was only 17 and teens bleed a lot faster … in my defense) and I didn’t work the needle correctly. I didn’t press hard enough for it to retract on its own. I took away the needle but it still hadn’t retracted and the guy was bleeding down his arm. He didn’t care but I sure did. The community nurse that we were with came up to help me and I finished but that was it for me. I was supposed to do more shots because there were plenty of people for my clinical group to go around at least a couple times. Not me though, I went outside and I cried and I couldn’t stop. Luckily I have an amazing clinical instructor who is so kind and understands the stresses of nursing. I came to a revelation at that moment that my anxiety was so high that ANY little thing would tip me over the edge. I cried for so long. I got dropped off so I could go home for a couple hours. Again, I’m so thankful for my understanding clinical leader.
At that point I knew I needed to do something. I could not take Xanax treating patients because it’s definitely illegal!! We were in mental health classes this semester and I remembered learning that SSRIs are first line treatment for anxiety, even though it’s an antidepressant. So I went and saw my nurse practitioner and she recommended citalopram (Celexa). I was so nervous to take it. She had prescribed me Prozac in the past but I was too chicken to take it. But at this point I knew I needed something. I recall telling her that for three days straight I had that sick feeling in my stomach that you get when you’re nervous. It’s fine to get that feeling when it’s called for but three days straight??? That’s not good.
My APN got me to try citalopram (an SSRI). I started on 10 mg for the first month and just a couple days ago I increased my dose to 20 mg (20 mg is the therapeutic, recommended dose. It can go all the way up to 60 mg I think). So I’ve been on 10 mg for a month and I’ve definitely seen a difference. It’s been slow with ups and down but my mood has leveled out a lot. I don’t get angry over stupid little things like before and I’ve definitely seen a reduction in my anxiety. The only problem is that I’m pretty tired all the time.
Well, it’s only been a couple days on 20 mg. I’m curious to see what it will be like. 20 mg is the therapeutic dose but if it’s too much I can easily go back down to 10. I’m hopeful that this will help with the anxiety of going into my last semester of nursing. We will be “working” 12 hour shifts plus taking classes. I’m hopeful that with the help of citalopram I can function better in stressful situations.
So to end this insanely long post, I just hope that any of you out there that suffer from anxiety will take a risk by taking medication. I have read online that for anxiety the best thing is to take medications but ALSO see a therapist. A psychologist can help you reframe your way of thinking and get your thoughts on track. I just want everyone to know that you can push through anxiety with the right help and do exactly what you want with your life!!
My first panic attack went something like this: I had my chest pains for a few days. Keep in mind that I lived by myself in an apartment. Anyways, my boyfriend was on his way. He lives far away though, about a 30 minute drive. I remember being in the shower and all of a sudden a horrible feeling came over me. I thought I was dying. I felt my throat closing up. I know I had more symptoms but when you feel like you can’t breathe that’s the only thing you can think about. I got out of the shower and quickly put on some clothes. For some reason I didn’t call the ambulance but instead got into my car and drove to my friend’s house only a couple minutes away. I walked in and saw one of my acquaintances. I was hoping to see one of my better friends but I think he was in his room. Anyways, I walked in and told the guy sitting on the couch that I needed to go to the hospital. I have a vague memory of him saying that I looked really pale and he got up and started to drive me. All I remember from the drive was asking him to drive faster because I thought I was dying. The hospital was not too far from me and I remember feeling a tiny bit better the closer we got. I walked in and told the nurse that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All she asked from me was to see my insurance card!! I couldn’t believe it… I thought I was dying.
I saw a doctor that night (by this time my friend had left and my boyfriend showed up at the hospital) and she prescribed me Xanax. I didn’t fill it that night because it was 3 in the morning on a week night. I went to school the next day and I remember calling my mom and telling her that I just didn’t feel right.
ANYWAYS, that was a super long story but I wanted to tell it because that’s how my anxiety started. I honestly don’t have much recollection after that. I do remember getting a summer job that required me to drive out of town a bit. I recall driving into work one day, knowing that I would have to drive out of town, and having this horrible feeling come over me. My head felt SO heavy, like I couldn’t even keep it up. It was scary so I ended up calling in. My boyfriend came and picked me up and took me to his house and I kind of felt better. I had many experiences like this driving out of town so I knew I had agoraphobia (not in the usual sense but I still had it).
So after that for about a year things got better. I really think it was because I was in school just taking classes (I’m good at school and I usually like it!). I wasn’t working anymore and I had a schedule and it was something I knew I could do. I do, however, have a memory a couple months after my panic attack of sitting in my biology class and having a full blown panic attack. I literally sat there and did not hear a word my professor said. So basically, I can account for maybe three or four actual panic attacks.
As I said, things got better. I started nursing school in January 2012 and everything was pretty good. My boyfriend and I of four years had just broken up in October and I definitely wasn’t over it. That caused me a lot of distress. In February, howeser, we started seeing each other and officially started dating again in April. I still feel like that break up causes me a lot of anxiety but I know it’s not the cause of all of my anxiety- it’s SCHOOL! Anyways, we are together again and just had our five year anniversary
Anyways, nursing school was fine at first. It’s a fast track program so essentially we go for 16 months straight. During the summer I took 18 credits (which is a lot!!) that included 16 hours of clinical a week. It was 8 hours on Thursday and 8 hours on Friday. I just started getting so anxious over it. I wouldn’t sleep at night because I was so anxious about getting up so early (5:30 am). I think I was anxious because each day was so different. I would have a different nurse that I would have to work with plus I was pushing myself to take more patients than I probably could. It sucks so badly (for me, anyways) to just not know what I’m doing and putting a lot of pressure on myself. But the sleeping was probably the worst part about my anxiety – I would literally not sleep all night because I was so anxious about having to get up so early and to not completely know what I was doing.
So, life went on. I got through my summer and started in community/home health. It was way different than before. We weren’t in the hospital but instead doing “community” things. My anxiety at this point was okay at the beginning. I hadn’t had a panic attack in a long time. But as time went on I started getting more anxious. One day my clinical group (8 girls) had to go and give flu shots at several locations around town to 0-36 month kids. We were at our first location and it was my turn. I had to give it to a father (he was only 17 and teens bleed a lot faster … in my defense) and I didn’t work the needle correctly. I didn’t press hard enough for it to retract on its own. I took away the needle but it still hadn’t retracted and the guy was bleeding down his arm. He didn’t care but I sure did. The community nurse that we were with came up to help me and I finished but that was it for me. I was supposed to do more shots because there were plenty of people for my clinical group to go around at least a couple times. Not me though, I went outside and I cried and I couldn’t stop. Luckily I have an amazing clinical instructor who is so kind and understands the stresses of nursing. I came to a revelation at that moment that my anxiety was so high that ANY little thing would tip me over the edge. I cried for so long. I got dropped off so I could go home for a couple hours. Again, I’m so thankful for my understanding clinical leader.
At that point I knew I needed to do something. I could not take Xanax treating patients because it’s definitely illegal!! We were in mental health classes this semester and I remembered learning that SSRIs are first line treatment for anxiety, even though it’s an antidepressant. So I went and saw my nurse practitioner and she recommended citalopram (Celexa). I was so nervous to take it. She had prescribed me Prozac in the past but I was too chicken to take it. But at this point I knew I needed something. I recall telling her that for three days straight I had that sick feeling in my stomach that you get when you’re nervous. It’s fine to get that feeling when it’s called for but three days straight??? That’s not good.
My APN got me to try citalopram (an SSRI). I started on 10 mg for the first month and just a couple days ago I increased my dose to 20 mg (20 mg is the therapeutic, recommended dose. It can go all the way up to 60 mg I think). So I’ve been on 10 mg for a month and I’ve definitely seen a difference. It’s been slow with ups and down but my mood has leveled out a lot. I don’t get angry over stupid little things like before and I’ve definitely seen a reduction in my anxiety. The only problem is that I’m pretty tired all the time.
Well, it’s only been a couple days on 20 mg. I’m curious to see what it will be like. 20 mg is the therapeutic dose but if it’s too much I can easily go back down to 10. I’m hopeful that this will help with the anxiety of going into my last semester of nursing. We will be “working” 12 hour shifts plus taking classes. I’m hopeful that with the help of citalopram I can function better in stressful situations.
So to end this insanely long post, I just hope that any of you out there that suffer from anxiety will take a risk by taking medication. I have read online that for anxiety the best thing is to take medications but ALSO see a therapist. A psychologist can help you reframe your way of thinking and get your thoughts on track. I just want everyone to know that you can push through anxiety with the right help and do exactly what you want with your life!!