drekkly
11-09-2012, 04:01 PM
Hi
New here and first post so hope I've posted in the right section. My daughter is 10 and we're having problems with anxiety with her especially at bedtime. Until recently we put it down to bad behavior - not going to sleep when told, tantrums and full scale blow outs! It came to a head after two or three really bad nights where she was screaming at us and point blank refusing to go to sleep. She was upsetting her older sister who wasn't able to get to sleep either and who was being constantly shouted at for reassurance. She is almost 13 and really busy with school and it is unfair on her to be constantly placating her little sister at bedtime
So after realizing that getting angry with her was just not working and after having read a lot about anxiety I figure she is suffering from anxiety problems. So after school one day we sat down and with the help of some big sheets of paper and a marker pen we brainstormed what was going through her head when we turned out the lights and left the room at bedtime. What worried her, what made her scared etc. The results were quite interesting - she has a fear of the dark as most kids her age do but this gives her butterflies in her tummy as she gets nervous. This she confuses with feeling sick and vomiting which has a real phobia of after a bad vomiting virus last year. So she gets more anxious as a result which makes her tummy worse which makes her think she is more likely to be sick and so a downward spiral of stress and anxiety occurs. She basically hates being on her own at bedtime as she is fine when she is in with her big sis or in with us sometimes on vacation. It maybe sounds quite mild compared to severe anxiety but it was starting to effect the family in quite a bad way.
So we have made some changes - realized she needed more structure to her evenings. (she is great at school because the day is structured) We realized she needed a bedtime routine with story telling and quiet time before bed. It was like turning the clock back 5 years! It seemed as if we were babying her again but I read that this is OK and will def help. We play more games with her and try to fill the void that was being left by her older sister growing older and not having the time (or desire!) to play with her anymore. She responded well but it is hard work doing this night after night - she still gets tummy aches and thinks shes going to vomit but we constantly reassure her and tell her to do her calm breathing technique we taught her. THe problem is it's so hard to keep this up - we're not able to switch off and relax until she is asleep which sometimes only gives us an hour until we go to bed. We can't go out and leave her with a babysitter as she needs us there for bedtime and I worry that she is getting too used to this and we will have to use this routine forever now??
Does anyone else have any experience of this - how long did it last?? Do children grow out of anxiety or will we have to mother her like this as long as she is with us. We worry it will get worse and lead to more severe anxiety problems?
New here and first post so hope I've posted in the right section. My daughter is 10 and we're having problems with anxiety with her especially at bedtime. Until recently we put it down to bad behavior - not going to sleep when told, tantrums and full scale blow outs! It came to a head after two or three really bad nights where she was screaming at us and point blank refusing to go to sleep. She was upsetting her older sister who wasn't able to get to sleep either and who was being constantly shouted at for reassurance. She is almost 13 and really busy with school and it is unfair on her to be constantly placating her little sister at bedtime
So after realizing that getting angry with her was just not working and after having read a lot about anxiety I figure she is suffering from anxiety problems. So after school one day we sat down and with the help of some big sheets of paper and a marker pen we brainstormed what was going through her head when we turned out the lights and left the room at bedtime. What worried her, what made her scared etc. The results were quite interesting - she has a fear of the dark as most kids her age do but this gives her butterflies in her tummy as she gets nervous. This she confuses with feeling sick and vomiting which has a real phobia of after a bad vomiting virus last year. So she gets more anxious as a result which makes her tummy worse which makes her think she is more likely to be sick and so a downward spiral of stress and anxiety occurs. She basically hates being on her own at bedtime as she is fine when she is in with her big sis or in with us sometimes on vacation. It maybe sounds quite mild compared to severe anxiety but it was starting to effect the family in quite a bad way.
So we have made some changes - realized she needed more structure to her evenings. (she is great at school because the day is structured) We realized she needed a bedtime routine with story telling and quiet time before bed. It was like turning the clock back 5 years! It seemed as if we were babying her again but I read that this is OK and will def help. We play more games with her and try to fill the void that was being left by her older sister growing older and not having the time (or desire!) to play with her anymore. She responded well but it is hard work doing this night after night - she still gets tummy aches and thinks shes going to vomit but we constantly reassure her and tell her to do her calm breathing technique we taught her. THe problem is it's so hard to keep this up - we're not able to switch off and relax until she is asleep which sometimes only gives us an hour until we go to bed. We can't go out and leave her with a babysitter as she needs us there for bedtime and I worry that she is getting too used to this and we will have to use this routine forever now??
Does anyone else have any experience of this - how long did it last?? Do children grow out of anxiety or will we have to mother her like this as long as she is with us. We worry it will get worse and lead to more severe anxiety problems?