My Anxiety is out of control

[kajikun]

As a bit of background, two and a half years ago my anxiety began to get really bad. To the point where I couldn't deal with it. I started to make myself throw up, just to get rid of the anxiety. I felt nausea all the time. My heart was always racing (avg heart rate about 120-130). I'm 26 years old. A little over a year ago I began to see a psychiatrist and it got better with the medications I was on. I eventually had to stop going because I couldn't afford it anymore and my parents couldn't help me out. I've always had bad anxiety, but, it seems like it has evolved over the past few years and all my coping mechanisms don't work anymore. I can't deal with this anymore. I am going back to my old psychiatrist, hoping that we can start on the meds I was on (luvox and clonazepam, because they WORKED!), but I don't have an appointment for another month and can't get it moved up. This anxiety is out of control and my urge to throw up has come back and I can't stop thinking about it. I originally did it by accident bc of anxiety, because I cough really hard when my anxiety gets bad...and I coughed so hard I threw up.

I saw a GP and they wouldn't prescribe me anything even short term, saying 'oh these meds can be addictive and aren't approved for longterm use'. So now I'm just self medicating with alcohol, which I know is TERRIBLE, but I can't sleep, I can't get this anxiety to go away...I can't calm down. My body is in such bad condition right now. I'm genuinely afraid because I can't control it and I feel like it's not even psychological anymore, it has become a purely physical/biological phenomenon.

I just don't want it to destroy my life anymore than it already has..

Sorry to vent, I just feel so helpless about all of this right now.

[str1ker]

Hi Kajikun, I'm new to suffering anxiety and don't want it to mess up my life anymore either. Alcohol is not a good coping agent to drown away your feelings :( Most people even say that it makes their feelings much worse the next day.... One thing that has helped me a little bit and may help you is the "Headspace" app on Apple's App Store. I was recommended to try using it by another member here and if I can get to a quiet place and focus upon the meditation I have found that it calms me down quite a bit.

[kajikun]

I decided drinking is a terrible idea...it does make you feel worse eventually and it messes up your rem sleep.

The hardest thing is I will scream and grind my teeth in my sleep due to anxiety. The grinding gives me such bad headaches!!!!

[Social Butterfly]

Alcohol Is Definately A Bad Idea, I Am Too Scares To Touch The Stuff.

When I Got To Extremities Like It Sounds Like You Are Getting Close To I Went To The Hospital In Fear Of My Life And Sound Mind.
I Was Admitted To A Psychiatric Ward For 18 Nights And Nineteen Days, And To Be Honest I Am Thankful Because Although It Seems Like A Bad Idea, It Was The Best Thing For Me And I Was Introduced To So Many Program's That Could Help Me Cope.

[kajikun]

Alcohol Is Definately A Bad Idea, I Am Too Scares To Touch The Stuff.

When I Got To Extremities Like It Sounds Like You Are Getting Close To I Went To The Hospital In Fear Of My Life And Sound Mind.
I Was Admitted To A Psychiatric Ward For 18 Nights And Nineteen Days, And To Be Honest I Am Thankful Because Although It Seems Like A Bad Idea, It Was The Best Thing For Me And I Was Introduced To So Many Program's That Could Help Me Cope.

I just wish doctors would treat it as a medical condition which it is. I don't trust hospitals after I did go to one for this. It's so screwed up. I feel like a failure.