I'm Terrified And Lost

[Anne Emily Johnson]

Hi everyone,

I have been in a long distance relationship with my partner for a very long time. He asked me to marry him and I happily accepted. Then my life unraveled. His family didn't approve of our relationship so he told me he could not marry me. Then he later told me he was still going to marry me anyway.

I became an emotional mess. I was diagnosed with OCD and intrusive thoughts almost two years ago. My intrusive thoughts went off the charts. I felt like I was disconnecting from my partner cause it hurt too much for me to think about him and wanting to be with him. The only time I would think about him would be if I would think about myself in his arms and I would cry for an hour or more and then go back to being shut down.

This all came to a head on the weekend. I decided enough was enough. I needed some professional help. I took myself to the hospital. The doctor at the hospital increased my Seroquel Xr from 25mg at night to 50mg at night and another 50mg if needed during the day. I am also on Pristiq 50mg one per day.

While the intrusive thoughts have now stopped since being on the increased dosage of Seroquel I have now seemed to have lost all emotion. It is like my body and my mind are disconnected from each other. I feel nothing for my best friend and nothing for my partner which terrifies me. It's almost like my emotions have shut down completely. Even music doesn't give me the same joy it used to anymore.

I have had thoughts about finding another guy because the thoughts come into my head I no longer care about my partner but then when I think about life without him I get even more depressed. It's like a vicious cycle. I miss laughing with him so much I miss the laughter and joy and connection that we used to have.

What would your advice be? Is it normal for Seroquel to shut down the emotions like this? I am terrified by the fact that I literally feel nothing. I don't even feel a friendship connection anymore. Nothing makes me happy. All I want to do is sleep and not face the day and when I do wake up usually I am running on autopilot.

A very scared and hopeless,
Rachel

[LornaLoo]

Wow, that must feel awful! I wish I could help but I've never been through anything like this.
I think you need to find some time to completely relax, talk to someone close about your feelings and don't make any rash decisions.
I hope things work out for you x

[raggamuffin]

How long distance is the relationship? How many times have you met each other? How long have you known each other? Long distance relationships can be very hard, but it also depends if we're talking like a US/UK relationship where you might only see each other a few times a year (if you're lucky) or within the same country where you might meet a few times a month.

I'm not sure what "intrusive thoughts" are. However if the medicine is that potent that you're completly apathetic towards the important people in your life it's probably worth speaking to your doctor about lowering the dosage or trying an alternative medicine. I think medicine should be combined with therapy because doctors simply believe that, with enough time on a medication, your train of thought will change. you'll learn to drop the anxiety or ignore the depression and in time you can be weaned off them.

However many people can remain on medication for years, or, as you have pointed out, simply become numb towards aspects of their lives which isn't really a healthy way of tackling your problems at all. The human mind and body is an amazing thing and it can adapt and cope with many number of situations. A reliance on medication is a slippery slope in my opinion. I think that much more fruitful results could come from therapy and talking and analysing your thoughts, fears etc with a professional, as oppsoed to hoping drugs will aid you.

Drugs, whether legal or illegal simply mask problems or pains. They never truly deal with root causes. We've got enough wonderufl chemicals and processes occuring in our bodies. We don't really need any rogue chemicals that aren't supposed to be there. Dietary changes, lifestyle changes, exercise etc. The natural stuff and foundations to well being. Tackle those first I think and ask your doctor about CBT or some such and see if you can take a different path to trying to get back to your normal self.

Good luck

Ed

[dazza]

Strange username considering your name is Rachel!?