Anybody have bathroom anxiety?

[katsueren]

Nine hours today. NINE HOURS I had to hold my bladder, because I was physically unable to urinate in the presence of others in a public restroom. I'm a junior in high school, we took a trip to the college fair today, and I could not enjoy the majority of it because I was uncomfortable. I always regret going on long group trips because of my paruresis, it ruins my social life. Certain conditions have to be met for going to the bathroom now:

1.) Restroom has to be completely empty, preferably a single-toilet bathroom.
2.) Water has to be running if it's in an unfamiliar place.
3.) There can be no people outside the restroom. I can't go if people are waiting for me, or if I can hear people talking loudly.

It is fucking ridiculous, I want to cry sometimes. It is a very serious hinderance in my life. It has gotten to the point where I WANT to go and I physically cannot in 'bad' conditions. My urethra closes when I am under stress or anxiety. At home, it takes me about 20-25 seconds to coax myself to pee. I just don't know what to do anymore. Usually I deal with it by staying in comfortable places, or cutting my fluid intake WAY down, which aren't very good ways to deal with it.

If it is of any interest, it started in grade school. There were several times when some little bastard would look at me under my stall, and it was mortifying. There were other kids that made indecent comments about my bodily functions. I mean, it is absolutely normal to pee when you're in a bathroom, but these are grade school children I'm talking about. Apparently, bodily functions are absolutely hilarious to little kids. I was always a sensitive kid though, so it had an effect on me. Pretty soon I decided I would just go to the bathroom when NOBODY was in there so I wouldn't have to deal with stupid crap like that anymore. It developed into paruresis.

Are there any others like me? Advice or help is seriously appreciated. Apparently from what I've read up, it's mostly common among males, but there are also some female sufferers like myself. Forgive me if this is the wrong place to post this, I'm not sure whether to classify paruresis as a form of anxiety or as a phobia.

[camilla91]

Your in the right place :) sounds like a phobia, I've got a phobia and have been told cbt is the best thing to help with them.
I see a cbt therapist every week (well I'm supposed to) anyway I always feel better after I've seen him. If I was you I'd go to your doctors and get referred especially if its affecting your life.

[dazza]

I think most of us have a bit of this in us to various degrees. I know I do.

As a bloke, I find it a little uncomfortable standing at a urinal with other blokes either side. Not to the point where I can't go (although I do recall a couple of times where I couldn't go until I was the only one standing there).

I've read about this. CBT or "progressive exposure therapy" - is it called? is good for this condition.
In particular, the sufferer is made to take a step at a time toward curing it - a slow but strategic method.

Apparently, 7% of the population suffers the same... quite shocking really.

Can I suggest something... because you need the sound of water (background noise is common for sufferers).. how about taking a walkman in with you? or headphones attached to your phone? perhaps with the sound of running water or even music?
This would both drown out the sound of others around you AND provide the sound you need.

[dazza]

This condition has the exact same reasoning as other phobias... in that the brain is telling you DANGER and is trying to protect you from the perceived danger, despite having to nearly wet yourself because of it.

This is no different to any other form of anxiety, the same mistake is being made by the brain in that it is irrationally fearing something that it shouldn't be.

Unfortunately this fear becomes hard-wired / second nature... but it is absolutely treatable.
Some even resort to calming drugs, such as valium.

[katsueren]

Curious, how would CBT work for paruresis? It's altogether-- A very awkward phobia. It seems a bit hopeless that any sort of psychological therapy could work for something as embarrassing as this, although perhaps I'm wrong.

I've also wondered about just carrying a catheter around with me, but I don't know if it would be painful or just not worth it.

[dazza]

Curious, how would CBT work for paruresis? It's altogether-- A very awkward phobia.


Huh? and so you think other phobias aren't awkward?

During my worst phase of anxiety I was scared of:

1/ taking a shower
2/ walking up stairs
3/ going to bed
4/ social get-togethers

You think they're not weird / awkward? lol

I'm passed all this and around 90% back to normal. CBT helped in 2 ways:

1/ it's great to just talk / get stuff out your head / offload your fears to someone in the know

2/ a good therapist will explain what's going on such that you come away with knowledge / understanding - a MAJOR step toward recovery

[camilla91]

My CBT therapist is really good, I've got a food phobia, its very full on.
I see him every week, he's put me on a course where I get taught the reason behind the panic, the steps I can take to help me get over this stage and so on.
Exposure therapy would be good for you I think!
Like with mine I've got to do a hierachy of foods that scare me, started with what I'm terrified of most down to what doesn't scare me as much.
Your worst fear would be something like going to a packed toilet, with no taps, you'd just refuse to go, and probably your least scared of using your own bathroom, you make this list with the things in between and start from the bottom, so you could start by using your mates toilet with your friend stood outside?
Basically its all about pushing yourself and I really think you should try it..
A lot of phobias are cured by CBT.. Its one of the only things I'm relying on to help me, so far its helping..