Hannah19
11-06-2012, 02:12 AM
Hi. This is my first post on one of these forum things. I've never really been that concerned on my health, until possibly 3 years ago. Yeah, you read that right. 3 years!
Okay. Well. I'm 19, going on 20 in January. I started noticing I had anxiety issues at college during my GCSEs and A levels, but they were so small that I was just referred to a school counselor, who actually ended up dismissing me from seeing her because I was sick, physically, from college for two weeks with tonsillitis and if you missed her 3 times, they use to just think you weren't coming and signed you off, so to say. So from then on, I just felt like I needed to deal with my own problems as the people I felt were suppose to help 'didn't care'.
I got through my GCSE's and A levels, somehow, without much damage. Then, I couldn't decide what to do with my life which lead to a small 'teenage crisis', which lead me onto going to the job center and claiming job benefits. I searched and searched for a job, but in this current climate, I couldn't find anything. Going to the job center for me was embarrassing and humiliating. I would often get picked out by people because I'm 'slightly out of the ordinary' when people view me from my appearance, which is fine, as I dealt with that in school, but I was horrified to learn that adults could also be that cruel. This what I believe began my social anxiety.
Couldn't find a job. Felt humiliated. Pressure from family. Being told I was worthless. Lead me to begin feeling like I wasn't good enough, like I was on my own, no support. I started becoming a recluse (I'm very much introverted naturally but this is a new league), didn't want to see friends, didn't want to go anywhere... which then lead to me being frightened of going outside. Agrophobia. I've learnt to deal with that somewhat but it still frightens me.
Yada yada. Get to the point!
Point is, I've found a job and because I'm under certain contracts and laws signed to the job centre and an employment agency, I HAD to accept if they offered me it. But secretly, I know about my problems with anxiety. I suppose that's my own pride being the fault, but anyway. I honestly am unsure whether I’m going to be able to cope with this job. I’m trying to learn methods of getting over these episodes by myself. But I’ve been finding it so hard, like, i feel like I’m suffering for something which could be avoided if I was taken seriously. I’m not saying I’m useless, but I am saying that I’m not going to be able to do this and just be thrown at the deep end. And it’s not actually the job itself that worries me, its the environment, the people, everything around it.
I’m so scared that I’m going to go into an episode at work that is triggered by something, and that i’ll develop all the physical symptoms like not being able to breathe, shaking, feeling sick, feeling weak, dry mouth, feeling like my muscles are rigid. Sometimes I go so stiff from fear, I feel like I’m having a seizure and I literally don’t move for ages. I’m scared that i’m going to work myself up in such a state, loose my appetite, not eat for an entire day which also makes my brain go haywire because I know I have to eat because otherwise I faint, and I have done before. Also the fact that I won’t be able to escape from it. I won’t be able to just leave and get somebody to calm me down. And the embarrassment of having to go through all that while co-workers are watching.
I talked to my parents about getting help after a breakdown, but again, I felt no support as there was a issue in my family which ended up with one of my family members having to go to hospital, so I suppose I was 'swept under the carpet'. I'm so scared. I start work on the 12th of Novemeber and i can't even sleep now! I keep waking up like I'm having a panic attack. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about calling a doctor either today or tomorrow. But I just need some advice from people who feel/understand it more than just my parents who think it will 'breeze over' when i've been somewhat suffering like this for 3 years!
I just don't think I can cope.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Okay. Well. I'm 19, going on 20 in January. I started noticing I had anxiety issues at college during my GCSEs and A levels, but they were so small that I was just referred to a school counselor, who actually ended up dismissing me from seeing her because I was sick, physically, from college for two weeks with tonsillitis and if you missed her 3 times, they use to just think you weren't coming and signed you off, so to say. So from then on, I just felt like I needed to deal with my own problems as the people I felt were suppose to help 'didn't care'.
I got through my GCSE's and A levels, somehow, without much damage. Then, I couldn't decide what to do with my life which lead to a small 'teenage crisis', which lead me onto going to the job center and claiming job benefits. I searched and searched for a job, but in this current climate, I couldn't find anything. Going to the job center for me was embarrassing and humiliating. I would often get picked out by people because I'm 'slightly out of the ordinary' when people view me from my appearance, which is fine, as I dealt with that in school, but I was horrified to learn that adults could also be that cruel. This what I believe began my social anxiety.
Couldn't find a job. Felt humiliated. Pressure from family. Being told I was worthless. Lead me to begin feeling like I wasn't good enough, like I was on my own, no support. I started becoming a recluse (I'm very much introverted naturally but this is a new league), didn't want to see friends, didn't want to go anywhere... which then lead to me being frightened of going outside. Agrophobia. I've learnt to deal with that somewhat but it still frightens me.
Yada yada. Get to the point!
Point is, I've found a job and because I'm under certain contracts and laws signed to the job centre and an employment agency, I HAD to accept if they offered me it. But secretly, I know about my problems with anxiety. I suppose that's my own pride being the fault, but anyway. I honestly am unsure whether I’m going to be able to cope with this job. I’m trying to learn methods of getting over these episodes by myself. But I’ve been finding it so hard, like, i feel like I’m suffering for something which could be avoided if I was taken seriously. I’m not saying I’m useless, but I am saying that I’m not going to be able to do this and just be thrown at the deep end. And it’s not actually the job itself that worries me, its the environment, the people, everything around it.
I’m so scared that I’m going to go into an episode at work that is triggered by something, and that i’ll develop all the physical symptoms like not being able to breathe, shaking, feeling sick, feeling weak, dry mouth, feeling like my muscles are rigid. Sometimes I go so stiff from fear, I feel like I’m having a seizure and I literally don’t move for ages. I’m scared that i’m going to work myself up in such a state, loose my appetite, not eat for an entire day which also makes my brain go haywire because I know I have to eat because otherwise I faint, and I have done before. Also the fact that I won’t be able to escape from it. I won’t be able to just leave and get somebody to calm me down. And the embarrassment of having to go through all that while co-workers are watching.
I talked to my parents about getting help after a breakdown, but again, I felt no support as there was a issue in my family which ended up with one of my family members having to go to hospital, so I suppose I was 'swept under the carpet'. I'm so scared. I start work on the 12th of Novemeber and i can't even sleep now! I keep waking up like I'm having a panic attack. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about calling a doctor either today or tomorrow. But I just need some advice from people who feel/understand it more than just my parents who think it will 'breeze over' when i've been somewhat suffering like this for 3 years!
I just don't think I can cope.
Any advice would be much appreciated.