Chris G - My Anxiety Story

[ojala]

Hello everyone. My name is Chris. I am 27 and from Houston, TX.

On Sunday, April 8, 2007, I had my very first anxiety attack. It was shortly after midnight, and I had a bad case of Bronchitis. I had just finished smoking some pot (which I am fearful of now) and was about to eat, while watching a dvd. For about 10 minutes, I had trouble yawning. Then came my first attack.

After a short coughing episode, I felt my body go numb, starting at my feet and moving slowly up my body. My heart started racing extremely fast and I jumped out of my seat. I ran to my roommates room (who luckily hadn't gone out that night) and told him to rush me to the hospital cause I thought I was having a heart attack.

While he was getting dressed, I somewhat gathered my senses and kinda laughed to myself thinking, "Man this is some wicked pot!" About 5 minutes later, a second wave hit me and I got more scared than the first time. Afterall, I thought I was having a heart attack. The trip to the emergency room seemed like an eternity.

Once we got there, I had to fill out the required forms and I felt shortness of breath coming on and off. I kept telling the emergency room receptionist, “Ma’am, I’m not kidding, I really need to see a doctor, and now!” She kept telling me I was next, but my anxiety was torturing me. I was called into the observation room where the nurse took my blood pressure. He said it was fine. My pulse was kind of high though. And because of the Bronchitis, my oxygen levels were low. I kept breathing horribly. I was extremely scared like never before. The nurse was being rude and laughing at the fact that I had smoked pot. That only upset me even more.

They ran all kinds of tests on me and hooked me up to all kinds of monitors, took all this blood from me, injected me with blood thinners, the works. They too thought I was having a heart attack. I stayed in the hospital 3 days. The day I was released, I was suffering from very bad panic attacks. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, I couldn’t sit still.

The following day, I went to see a therapist on my own free will after reading my symptoms online. The doctor didn’t prescribe me any medication but instead gave me some breathing exercises and a couple other things to do, and set up an appointment for 2 weeks later. Since the first day, the first attack, I’ve been suffering from bad anxiety attacks. It’s a very scary experience for me. Sometimes I feel like crying for no apparent reason. Sometimes I don’t even feel like myself at all. I’ve been lucky to sleep through the night (I coudln't at first). But when I wake up, I feel very, very scared and my heart is just racing fast. Sometimes when Im out with family, I feel out of place. I worry something is wrong with my brain, other than the anxiety. I bought a couple Anxiety self help books. Hopefully, they can help.

I guess nobody ever asks for this. I never did. I just wish it would all go away and I could go back to normal. I know I’ve written a whole bunch, and if you’ve stuck with me the whole way, then I thank you endlessly. I wanted to share my story to let everyone else going through this, that, you are NOT alone. You are NOT crazy. Any and all feedback and/or comments are appreciated. Again, thanks for taking the time out to read my story.

[txmom]

Gosh, Chris, that sounds much more physical than psychological.
Is there any particular reason for your panic- I mean, are you afraid of something specific?
Or does it just come on you for no particular reason?

From everything I've read, panic attacks are absolutely never physically dangerous.
You won't have a heart attack; you won't stop breathing and die. You might pass out from hyperventilating (rare) but if you do you'll immediately begin to breathe normally again, and will revive almost at once.

I had a scary experience with pot once and never did it again. It wasn't nearly as bad as what you describe, however I did become overly self-conscious, not only of the way I looked and acted, but also of my body functions... my respiration and heart rate. It seemed to me that if I didn't consciously focus on taking the next breath, I'd forget to take it and die. It was an unpleasant experience (especially since I was at school at the time, sitting in class trying to act normal). I never smoked it again.

If the doctors at the hospital ran all kinds of tests, I'm sure you're physically okay. I wonder if the bronchitis actually was responsible for some of it; it's quite scary not to be able to breathe properly, as anyone with asthma can tell you.
I hope the bronchitis is clearing up now?

You're very young, and without any other risk factors such as a heart defect or morbid obesity I don't think it's likely at all that you'd have a heart attack. Our hearts go fast when we panic, and it feels very frightening, but please remember that our hearts are MEANT to be able to do that, to go fast like that- and to sustain it for long periods of time, if they have to. It's the "fight or flight" syndrome. It feels unpleasant and frightening, but it's not dangerous for your heart to beat fast and hard.

It sounds almost like a lot of your problem is chemical (if there's not something specific that is frightening you into this state, and it just comes on for no reason). Perhaps a chemical imbalance, perhaps brought on by the combination of pot and your bronchitis. It sounds like something is causing the release of endorphins in your body for no apparent reason and at inappropriate times.
Sometimes the signals in our brains short-circuit, get all wacky, and cause us to release "fight-or-flight" chemicals when the situation doesn't require it.
At least, that's what I've been reading.

I think in your case, some sort of medication might easily correct whatever imbalance is causing this.
Of course, I'm not a doctor, but you should go see one, if you can.
You should tell the doctor everything that's going on, and how debilitating these attacks are.
I hope you find some relief soon.
Good luck.

[txmom]

Oops, sorry. Forget the last part of what I said.
I just reread your post, and I see you're already under a doctor's care.
I'm surprised your doctor won't prescribe some sort of tranquilizing medication, if the problem is this severe.
But perhaps he just wants to exhaust all other avenues first.

Honestly, though, if breathing exercises and meditation could solve our problems... then we probably wouldn't be in this state in the first place. :roll:
I'd be irritated if a doctor told me to try to relax.
It's like, "Oh, okay. Duh! I never thought of that."

The problem is, some of us just can't relax, because or bodies or our brains or our hormones or our chemicals, or something just won't let us.
I think that's where medication comes in handy.

[ojala]

I bought a couple books and I took the time out this evening to start reading one of them. After reading through the first two sessions and doing the first 2 series of exercises, I see a lot of my problems were piling up on top of each other to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore, for a while. I've been living with paranoia and fear for years but never actually had a panic or anxiety attack until a week ago. I haven't had a panic attack for about 7 hours and I feel good. However, most of my attacks have been happening when I wake up in the morning. Thanks for taking out the time to read my long, long story. Thanks also, for replying and sharing your ideas/opinions. I greatly appreciate it!!

The two books are "Master Your Panic And Take Back Control Of Your Life: 3rd Edition" and "Embracing The Fear: Learning To Manage Anxiety & Panic Attacks". I started reading the first one.

One of the first questions asked is, "What do you dream of doing once you overcome your anxiety disorder?" My answer? "Helping others deal and overcome their anxiety/panic disorders." It's not a nice feeling, and I vow to help others once I get better.

[ojala]

The books....

The self help books don't seem to be helping. My symptoms went away for a day, maybe, but they returned. I'm beginning to think it's daily stresses that are causing my panic. At times I'm fine, then I'll think about something bad for a split second, then swoosh!! I start freaking out. Lately, I've been having them more often. They're mild, but I don't like them, they are VERY scary to me. I'll feel my heart start racing very fast, my chest will feel sore, and I become EXTREMELY dissoriented and frightened to the point where Im about to head the hospital again.

Does anyone else get this intense fear?? I hear of people becoming afraid during their episodes of panic/anxiety, but is it an unbearble fear and dissorientation?

I find it kind of funny when people tell me to "relax". It's very hard to relax, because when I'm freaking out, it's not possible. I just have to get over it.

It amazes me when I read the stories of people who say that they've lived with anxiety/panic/etc. for years! Do people who live with it for so long simply, learn to live with it or, suffer each and every time? I've been dealing with this a little over 2+ weeks and I'm looking for every possible way out. i don't want to feel like this anymore. It's absolutely terrifying!

I read an article where Marijuana could be the culprit. But one noticeable thing about me BEFORE my first attack, is that I was a very paranoid person. I was always looking around behind me, I lock my cars doors every time, I always think someone's out to get me, it's very hard to trust people, I've always been very shaky too. At times, I'll catch myself doing stuff like tapping my left foot repeatedly and very fast.

Ugh!!!!