Peak
11-05-2012, 09:52 AM
As I've mentioned in other threads recently I've started to have palpitations again despite being put on new medication which had pretty much stopped them. This has been going on now for at least a month and I'm having anywhere between 20 and 200 palps a day. Occasionally I get dizzy spells although more often than not I don't get the dizzy spells whilst having the palps. I'm really in two minds how much anxiety has to play in all of this. I am without question anxious when I'm having them and continuously so until they have gone away completely for a few days but then when they have gone I really do feel so much calmer and relaxed and kinda feel like I'm floating on air for a few days. Then the palps start again and I'm back to feeling anxious.
The thing is I know I should know and believe that this is nothing and probably a symptom of anxiety as I've had these episodes for a few years now and they always go away (but always come back) and I've had blood tests, ECG's, 24hr Holter and Echo's all of which could find no reason for why I'm getting palps. I should feel reassured. I should feel safe. I should feel happy. Do I? Do I fu*k!
I'm afraid I've given in and decided to go back to the doctors again tomorrow for what must be the 30+ time. In all honesty I don't really know why I'm going, I don't really know what I expect them to do. I just know that I've absolutely had enough. I can't live my life like this, I can't live in fear of something that everyone says isn't going to happen yet.
I think part of what has freaked me out this time is that I looked up the new drug the doctor prescribed me to try and control the palpitations and read that it was for heart failure! Eek! I know that this is not why I'm taking but the fact that it is prescribed for this scares the bejesus out of me! In a way I want to ask the doctor to increase the dose of this drug because it worked before for a week but it also has two other effects. 1. It slows your heart down. My heart rate was around 75-80 it's now 60-65, it scares me to think of it going slower than that. 2. It lowers your blood pressure. I do have raised blood pressure 140/80 and take other medication for it. Now though it's down to normal at 115/75 but it scares me to think that increasing the dose would lower it further and I had that once before and I was giddy as anything.
I want to believe there is nothing wrong with me because I know that's what everyone says and what, so far, all the medical evidence suggests. I want to believe that but I can't because without knowing why it IS happening to me it means it still could be something nasty. The ridiculous thing is that the doctor I'm booked with is not one I've seen before and so looked him up on the doctors website where I found that he is a Registrar. So now all I'm thinking is that I'm gonna see a trainee doctor who won't have any experience, who won't be able to diagnose me or help me and will just leave me feeling even more anxious than before. I know that in reality he isn't really a trainee doctor and is fully qualified but equally he's not like the others who have been in general practice for years and years.
God I hate living like this! This isn't living, this is just existing minute by minute!
Sorry, I'm probably not making any sense and just ranting.
The thing is I know I should know and believe that this is nothing and probably a symptom of anxiety as I've had these episodes for a few years now and they always go away (but always come back) and I've had blood tests, ECG's, 24hr Holter and Echo's all of which could find no reason for why I'm getting palps. I should feel reassured. I should feel safe. I should feel happy. Do I? Do I fu*k!
I'm afraid I've given in and decided to go back to the doctors again tomorrow for what must be the 30+ time. In all honesty I don't really know why I'm going, I don't really know what I expect them to do. I just know that I've absolutely had enough. I can't live my life like this, I can't live in fear of something that everyone says isn't going to happen yet.
I think part of what has freaked me out this time is that I looked up the new drug the doctor prescribed me to try and control the palpitations and read that it was for heart failure! Eek! I know that this is not why I'm taking but the fact that it is prescribed for this scares the bejesus out of me! In a way I want to ask the doctor to increase the dose of this drug because it worked before for a week but it also has two other effects. 1. It slows your heart down. My heart rate was around 75-80 it's now 60-65, it scares me to think of it going slower than that. 2. It lowers your blood pressure. I do have raised blood pressure 140/80 and take other medication for it. Now though it's down to normal at 115/75 but it scares me to think that increasing the dose would lower it further and I had that once before and I was giddy as anything.
I want to believe there is nothing wrong with me because I know that's what everyone says and what, so far, all the medical evidence suggests. I want to believe that but I can't because without knowing why it IS happening to me it means it still could be something nasty. The ridiculous thing is that the doctor I'm booked with is not one I've seen before and so looked him up on the doctors website where I found that he is a Registrar. So now all I'm thinking is that I'm gonna see a trainee doctor who won't have any experience, who won't be able to diagnose me or help me and will just leave me feeling even more anxious than before. I know that in reality he isn't really a trainee doctor and is fully qualified but equally he's not like the others who have been in general practice for years and years.
God I hate living like this! This isn't living, this is just existing minute by minute!
Sorry, I'm probably not making any sense and just ranting.