Here we go again

[Peak]

As I've mentioned in other threads recently I've started to have palpitations again despite being put on new medication which had pretty much stopped them. This has been going on now for at least a month and I'm having anywhere between 20 and 200 palps a day. Occasionally I get dizzy spells although more often than not I don't get the dizzy spells whilst having the palps. I'm really in two minds how much anxiety has to play in all of this. I am without question anxious when I'm having them and continuously so until they have gone away completely for a few days but then when they have gone I really do feel so much calmer and relaxed and kinda feel like I'm floating on air for a few days. Then the palps start again and I'm back to feeling anxious.

The thing is I know I should know and believe that this is nothing and probably a symptom of anxiety as I've had these episodes for a few years now and they always go away (but always come back) and I've had blood tests, ECG's, 24hr Holter and Echo's all of which could find no reason for why I'm getting palps. I should feel reassured. I should feel safe. I should feel happy. Do I? Do I fu*k!

I'm afraid I've given in and decided to go back to the doctors again tomorrow for what must be the 30+ time. In all honesty I don't really know why I'm going, I don't really know what I expect them to do. I just know that I've absolutely had enough. I can't live my life like this, I can't live in fear of something that everyone says isn't going to happen yet.

I think part of what has freaked me out this time is that I looked up the new drug the doctor prescribed me to try and control the palpitations and read that it was for heart failure! Eek! I know that this is not why I'm taking but the fact that it is prescribed for this scares the bejesus out of me! In a way I want to ask the doctor to increase the dose of this drug because it worked before for a week but it also has two other effects. 1. It slows your heart down. My heart rate was around 75-80 it's now 60-65, it scares me to think of it going slower than that. 2. It lowers your blood pressure. I do have raised blood pressure 140/80 and take other medication for it. Now though it's down to normal at 115/75 but it scares me to think that increasing the dose would lower it further and I had that once before and I was giddy as anything.

I want to believe there is nothing wrong with me because I know that's what everyone says and what, so far, all the medical evidence suggests. I want to believe that but I can't because without knowing why it IS happening to me it means it still could be something nasty. The ridiculous thing is that the doctor I'm booked with is not one I've seen before and so looked him up on the doctors website where I found that he is a Registrar. So now all I'm thinking is that I'm gonna see a trainee doctor who won't have any experience, who won't be able to diagnose me or help me and will just leave me feeling even more anxious than before. I know that in reality he isn't really a trainee doctor and is fully qualified but equally he's not like the others who have been in general practice for years and years.

God I hate living like this! This isn't living, this is just existing minute by minute!

Sorry, I'm probably not making any sense and just ranting.

[raggamuffin]

It's difficult accepting that the thorough testing hasn't shown any life threatening or deadly illness. It's hard to admit that, whilst these pains or palps or whatever else it is that our body throws at us are horrible and can simply rule our lives, we don't know more about our body than a doctor with 5+ years of medical studies under his/her belt.

The list of anxiety related symptoms and pains is simply mind boggling. There is only so much reassurance you can get form a doctor in all honesty. There might come a point where you feel you don't need ot go anymore becasue they can't tell you anything new. or because the reassurance simply carries no weight anymore.

What runs through your minds when the palps occur? Do you fear it? Does it lead to more fear? Does the self questioning and anxious cycle spiral out of control and you wind up thinking about say death or some sort of impending disaster or fatal illness?

The main problem wth these symptoms is challenign your currently wired view that "something is wrong". You need to remind yourself that you are anxious and that the anxiety, no matter how physical the pains simply cannot harm you. It'd be best, next time you have palsp to try deep breathing. Simply inhale, hold for a couple of moments and really focus on a long drawn out exhalation. All the while saying to yourself "i'm ok, this is anxiety, I'm not in danger" or something to that effect. It might sound cheesy, but when you slow your breathing, the panicky state you're in should begin to calm down. Your heart rate should lower. But don't focus on the physical beat/drumming of your heart or the "what if's". Keep talking yourself down from whatever anxious state you've worked yourself up into and focus on the breathing.

A new doctor isn't all that bad, he might even know some newer information regarding whatever questions you might ask him. But i'd recommend asking for a referral to start cognitive behavioural therapy. Try and address your thought patterns and tackle the anxiety you face before you become too entrenched and hard wired into the current vicious cycle of worries you're currently stuck in.

Hope you feel better soon.

Ed

[Jinaiya]

I've been getting heart palpitations everyday now for 1 year. The severity does seem to be linked with how stressed out I am by them, how focussed I allow myself to be on them. If I don't allow the anxiety to get the best of me or if I am super distracted, I may only get a couple small ones a day. Sometimes I will get hit by them when I am otherwise feeling great, and while it is scary, I continue to wake up every morning, alive. You'd think from this history that I am okay, safe, nothing to fear right? WRONG! I continue to obsess over this problem. Despite tests done, I don't trust that I am ok. In the last year I've had: Holter Monitor, Echo Cardiogram, 2 EKG's and numerous blood work. I have also been seen by a specialist who assured me that while my symptoms are real and can feel scary, they are harmless.

What I find interesting is in the last 3 days. Normally I am obsessed with my throat because of acid reflux. I've been concerned with the thought that I have cancer for months now and will break and cry daily, thinking I'll find out I've not got long to live. It got so bad that I decided to start taking Celexa. The obsessions just would not fade. After I joined this forum I stumbled upon some information that Celexa, at higher doses (over 40mg), has been linked to heart problems and sudden death. WELL, since I found that out, my obsessions have quickly switched back to worry about my heart instead of my acid reflux. I am now experiencing a racing heart and palpitations far more than I was a couple weeks ago BUT my acid reflux is not as bad as it has been. It's still there mind you, but totally manageable. As much as I hate to admit it, it truly leaves me with the conclusion that all of these problems have GOT to be in my head (or at least exaggerated). I mean, if I truly had cancer, I wouldn't simply feel loads better overnight. If I had a heart problem, I'd probably be dead by now. As I write this though, I am checking my pulse, feeling my heart pound in my chest. I am so aware of it... feeling the fear set back in. I get frustrated because I have the knowledge but I feel powerless to get better. It's like knowing equations in your mind but not being able to write them on paper.
I don't know if my post will help you any, but I just felt like responding to you. Its nice to reach out to others who are living this hell.

I hope your life gets better soon. :)

[vonnhelsing]

everything you've spoken about is EXAAAACTTLYYYY what i'm going through. every word is ME for the past YEAR. this heart problem phobia is a huge pain in the ass!!! well maybe not the ass but a huge pain in the chest and arms :'(
we've done all the tests.. everything's normal so let's try our best to ignore the palps. my heart pounds so hard my shirt is moving and my hands are moving with every beat. going to hospital makes me anxiety free for a few months but then it comes back. it's annoying because one side of my brain knows its just anxiety nothing life threatening but the other side is constantly looking for reasons to run off to hospital asap.

[nicole123x]

This is EXACTLY what I'm going through! The heart bothers me more than anything constantly worrying about what if etc !!!

[Peak]

Well at least I'm not going nuts LOL. It's interesting and strangely reassuring to see that others feel exactly the same as me, although obviously I wish none of us did. Well I'm back from the docs and I have to say that he was an incredibly nice and understanding doctor. Completely understood what I was going through, why it worries me and spent a lot of time reassuring me that there really is nothing wrong with my heart and that all they are really doing is treating the symptoms of anxiety. Interestingly he said that the palps I'm getting are not what he would call palps. For him a palp is a sudden raised but regular heartbeat of 100bpm+. I have had this in the past but predominately I get skipped beats, extra beats and a sensation where I can feel the heart move as if it's squeezing but no beat. He said these were really ectopic beats and having just looked these up, that is exactly what I'm having without question. Bizarrely just having a name to put on this is reassuring. He doesn't really want to change my medication as he stressed that all we are doing is treating the symptoms and these are the symptoms of anxiety NOT of heart disease. That said he has said that I can increase the dosage of my drugs if and when I feel I'm having a bad day to try and keep me more on an even keel. I'm still having the palps/ectopic beats even now but I do hope that now I'm in a better place mentally to keep them and my mind under control. In the mean time I desperately want to start CBT - hopefully any day now. Thanks all for your support, it really is appreciated.

[Peak]

Just as a further update. Had loads of ectopic beats today, absolutely tons but I felt that whilst they were still unpleasant I didn't feel as afraid of them as I did. Best news though is that I've just had my first CBT appointment confirmed for this Friday!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

[Jinaiya]

That is super great news Peak!! I just looked up ectopic beats to see and you're right, it WAS very reassuring! Funny how after 1+ years of this going on for me no one ever gave it that name! Seems to be a lot less scary than "palpitations"...

I wish you all the best for your first CBT appointment! Make sure to come back and tell us how it went!! :)