Help...

[mellymel]

I have posted before about my negative thoughts about hurting the ones I love causing me a lot of anxious feelings, it seemed to subside but last night and this morning my thoughts are racing again and I feel anxious :( I have this fear that I will go crazy or snap on my daughter and hurt her, I am also obsessing over being a schizo again...does anyone else have a fear of snapping or feel like they will just lose it? Or am I really crazy at this point?

[dazza]

Unless you're actually, seriously considering hurting someone then I wouldn't fret so much over the thoughts.

They're just thoughts afterall.

Anxiety disorder leads us down some rather odd paths sometimes... making us;

1/ believe stuff that isn't

2/ see things that aren't there

3/ sense danger when there's none there

4/ have weird dreams

5/ think awful thoughts

and so on... the list is endless.

For whatever reason, you're not happy / relaxed at the moment and this can provoke some pretty weird thought patterns as our brains try to cope with our disorders.

Anxiety WON'T make you do these things...

[dazza]

Can I ask... are you a single mom?

Are you mostly on your own... at home?

[jhunter89]

It's when you actually WANT to hurt someone you gotta worry. I think about hurting people a lot but admittedly not people I care about.. Well not often

[jhunter89]

Can I ask... are you a single mom?

Are you mostly on your own... at home?

Haha creepy

[dazza]

Just seen on another thread that you're not a sinle mom and that you're married.
That's good!

So, what does your hubbard think of all this?

Have you tried a councillor / therapist?

[mellymel]

I'm married but I do stay at home with my daughter. Thank u for the reply, it always makes me feel better to have someone else put things into perspective for me. When I try to rationalize it myself it doesn't always work.

[dazza]

Haha creepy

LOL... trust you missy.


Yeah... I'm IN YOUR HOUSE...

I'M WATCHING YOU... lol

[mellymel]

I have told my husband about it and he understands because he has the same issue, just not as bad ad me. He doesn't obsess over it like I do. I am in the process of seeing a counselor and getting help for PTSD and whatever other anxiety disorder they think I might have.

[jhunter89]

LOL... trust you missy.

Yeah... I'm IN YOUR HOUSE...

I'M WATCHING YOU... lol

Thought I could smell something funny

[jhunter89]

Sorry mel for hijacking your thread ! :)

[dazza]

Mel... what you're thinking is not uncommon, actually. I've read quite a few the same on here and lots of other web sites.

Such thoughts seem to be manifestations of frustration / anger / tiredness and of course anxiety... which themselves can cause general unhappiness.

They PASS! a lot of moms get it.

[mellymel]

Thank you!

[jhunter89]

How old is your daughter?

[mellymel]

She is two

[dazza]

How old is your daughter?

even creepier... lmao

[dazza]

2, or thereabouts is the worst age imo... they're terrors at that age!

Enough to drive you up the wall.

[jhunter89]

Ah so it's not post natal depression

[mellymel]

Yea I thought that too but she is older ad I think I a past the general time period for it to be PP

[jhunter89]

I don't think schizos worry about being schizo so I think you're ok

[mellymel]

Haha yea that's what quite a few ppl have said :)

[jhunter89]

I live with one n I'm alright :)

[dazza]

I live with one n I'm alright :)

Yourself? lol (certain irony)

[jhunter89]

Hehe. Least I never get lonely

[mellymel]

LOL...that's good reassurance!

I guess my concern about these thoughts and feelings are is this what happens to ppl who actually hurt their kids or other ppl? Do they have these obsessive thoughts too? What makes me so safe to be around, because I think I'm pretty scary :(

[jhunter89]

I'm sure if your therapist was worried they'd have you on anti psychotics by now. If the thoughts get too much maybe just leave the room until you calm down. Do you feel uncontrollable rage?

[mellymel]

Yea my doc told me if she felt I was a threat she would have taken action already. No I don't feel uncontrollable rage. I have little patients and i scream at her sometimes...there have also been times I had to walk away from my child because she was being extremely bratty and I just needed a breather. I also don't usually spank or hit her because I always thought I would take it far or black out. I dunno is just such an uneasy feeling to feel unsure of yourself with a child you love more then life. It's breaking my heart, literally.

[jhunter89]

I think you know deep down you'd never harm her.. I imagine being a mum with anxiety is really hard. I couldn't cope with a screaming child! My mum shouted at me countless times, you gotta be harsh sometimes.

[mellymel]

Your right I do know it deep down that I wouldn't, but just having the thoughts race in my head is enough to doubt myself. It sickens me, especially when they first started, all did was cry and I couldn't eat. I lost 6lbs in a week from not eating. It's not that bad now, I am managing it better but I have my days where I question my mothering abilities. Thanks for talking with me :)

[jhunter89]

Aw that's ok :) hope you get better soon

[dazza]

Your right I do know it deep down that I wouldn't, but just having the thoughts race in my head is enough to doubt myself. It sickens me, especially when they first started, all did was cry and I couldn't eat. I lost 6lbs in a week from not eating. It's not that bad now, I am managing it better but I have my days where I question my mothering abilities. Thanks for talking with me :)

SO does EVERYONE!

Now you got something that is TOTALLY dependant on you for their welfare / life / future / entire existence.
On the face of it - a massively overwhelming task with seemingly dire consequences if you get it wrong.

They'll be times when you will want to throttle 'em... there'll be times when you just want to hug and kiss 'em...
Swings and roundabouts with kids... just the way it is.

ALL you can do is the best you can... simple as, but if they've got love... they've got everything.

[mellymel]

Thank u dazza, you have some pretty good insight :) do u have children?