Any help or advice? Please

[str1ker]

Hey everyone, new to the site and am learning a lot more about these horrible problems we suffer from..

I've never been one to really worry about much in my life. Occasionally when I was younger I would get worrisome over simple things such as my parents not coming home, but only very very rarely. As I grew older I still had these thoughts, but never really anything else besides being a procrastinator and worried about getting to class and turning in homework assignments on time. However, this Spring I injured myself weightlifting and had what I think was a panic attack being worried about me not being able to continue weightlifting and staying in good shape. My worries about this continued until I was out hiking in June and was worried I would further injure myself which caused my heart to start beating weirdly and heart palpitations and a strong recognition of my heartbeat have been going on since. Doctor said they are not life threatening, but they still cause me to constantly worry about the recognition and skipping of my heart beat.

Next came the really bad part which has been plaguing me ever since. I began dwelling on the thought of being gay, even though I knew I am and always will be completely straight. This had been going on since August and I found that it was most likely hocd or irrational fear. Some days I would be fine and upbeat then others I couldn't get the intrusive thought out of my head. Here in this last week my schoolwork stacked up causing me 3 days of non-stop going to class then coming home or staying at school late to finish my papers when the thoughts got really intense and frustrating, which has led me to being very down and not really seeing the bright side of things. Things that brought me happiness before aren't really bringing me that same amount of happiness as they had before. I still want to do them and want to return to how happy they had made me before, but it's just like "why can't I get back to how I was before!" I try to think happy things then I think why am I thinking these things, I shouldn't have to.. These thoughts now primarily have taken the place of the hocd and I just feel a constant - I guess pressure or anxiety upon me that I've only been able to get away from a few times these past few days. It's like a fear of being depressed and because I've been so tired recently it's only compounding in more very bad thoughts and being more anxious about these thoughts. Rumination would be the correct way to describe these thoughts that just keep breeding into different variations or compounds of the original thought.

I wake up in the morning and think wow I feel good then I think to myself "the thoughts are gone!..what thoughts?..the bad thoughts.." and that gets me right back into the same situation as the previous day. Additionally, with this being my last semester of University the thought of what I need to do if I make it out of here in order to get a job and secure a future that will make myself happy. I'm in line to become an Instructor, but I don't know if I even want that now and the uncertainty that this uncertain future is bringing me has also been very troubling. "What if.. What if.. What if.. ?"

Now that I'm done with my life story, if anyone has actually read this far lol, any help or advice whatsoever will be very, very much appreciated.

Thank you for your time,
Scott

[pandora92]

Omg you are a male version of me lol!! Thank you, you have just explained me in a way I couldn't if myself!!! From childhood thoughts to worrying about the future. I do exactly the same! In still a sufferer of anxiety but rarely have panic attacks now. I think we are just programmed to be more sensitive to certain things than others. My advise to you would be to firstly cut out all stimulants caffeine alcohol the lot, you would be surprised how much this helps! And I'm sure being at uni you might find the alcohol part hard but ultimately your health is more important, I'm 20 and until I have completely overcome my anxiety I will not touch it again it makes things so much harder!! Secondly I would say to research self help books thy really really help. And you could also speak to a doctor about CBT!! Good look and thanks for posting its nice to know I'm not the only one :) xxx

[str1ker]

Wow, thank you so much for replying, it really made my day, thank you!

As of recently I haven't had panic attacks either, just this horrible anxiety / depression. How are you working to help yours?
As a Doctors request I cut out almost all caffeine in my diet when I was getting tested for heart problems. Before that though I had cut out the majority of sodas for 2 - 3 years and only had one maybe once in two or three months. Now I find whenever I drink a soda or coffee it REALLY messes me up by just feeling horrible and makes my heart race, so I try and stay away from all but small forms of it. For alcohol, it really hasn't affected me. Although I only drink very rarely and on occasions when I do drink it is only having a good time with friends.

Also, since we seem to have much of the same problems which self-help books helped you? I've been reading through posts on here and stickies and found a few good ideas I am going to try, but if you have any other recommendations it would be very appreciated. A PM can work also.
Thanks again! Scott.

[pandora92]

Your welcome :) it's nice to talk to others with the same issues an re assure yourself you not going crazy lol!!

I first read panic attacks by Christine Ingham when they were very new to me and that helped me break the cycle of full panic attacks! I've just read self help for your nerves by dr Claire weekes , however she does portray what we are going through A nervous breakdown :/ anyhow her method of facing the feelings and accepting them is something I'm trying to practice!! I just find that sometimes I can be sat doing nothing and all of a sudden I get this overwhelming feeling of dread, then it's my thoughts that take over and I tell my self that maybe I'm going to have a seizer it lose control!

I was getting on really well with CBT but have been on a waiting list for a higher therapist since September and it started to take control of me again, I've had a lot of changes in my personal life to, relationship split, new job and I think my worries for my future all got on top of me until I broke again. But after a crisis team came out to me and put everything into perspective I've got back to the books and research! Do you suffer anxiety all the time or just in certain situations?? Xx

[str1ker]

Thank you for the names of the books. I will definitely have to look into them!



I just find that sometimes I can be sat doing nothing and all of a sudden I get this overwhelming feeling of dread, then it's my thoughts that take over and I tell my self that maybe I'm going to have a seizer it lose control!

Do you suffer anxiety all the time or just in certain situations?? Xx

That is kind of what happens to me right now. For instance I was at dinner tonight, talking and having fun with my friends then all of a sudden I started getting intrusive thoughts out of nowhere, like they had no reason to be brought out. So I tried to not think about them and concentrate on dinner and I was somewhat able to do it but it still felt like I had a huge pressure upon me for no reason. Though I was able to push them out for a little bit they kept coming back every few minutes. Very annoying. I haven't been as far as thinking I was going to have a seizure, but a few times I have gotten I guess panic attacks and instead of continuing to try and do homework I was just like wtf, wtf, wtf, then went for rather long walks, maybe 20 - 30 minutes and another time I choose to just drive around. Driving really seems to help me, I'm not sure why, but it does.

Recently it has been very constant, but before I would be fine then somehow or another my mind would bring up one of the bad thoughts and then I couldn't get rid of it. Like I could go a few days of being fine and then they would start up again and I would once again dwell on them, causing further thoughts..With the Hocd thoughts I can like hear someone talk like a gay guy or someone could say gay and it would set off the irrational thoughts. It's terrible. Recently I've been trying to be just like "whatever," and it's quite hard sometimes but if I can keep it up and it doesn't move into other thoughts I can get over it. As far as it being constant though, it seems to me that it is just anxiety based on me getting anxious in the first place. It's quite hard to describe.

[pandora92]

The book I named before really helps with how to deal with the sensations. Rather than fight them just accept them. It's such a horrible disorder and sometimes I think why me? But I am trying the just make small changes to make it more manageable! Hopefully in time it will heal itself and I can get back to my former bubbly happy self. I wish the same for you to :) x

[str1ker]

Thank you! I hope you get out of this crap too!
I am trying to be more accepting but it's very hard when they keep breeding into worse thoughts. I am going to look into that book, but what kind of changes are you trying to make to help yourself?

I just want to get back to my old normal healthy, happy, and active self as well..

[pandora92]

First of all I'm trying to live in the present. My mind often wanders to the past or future, when I notice I just bring it back. Meditation really helps with this. I've cut caffeine, I'm reading up on it and am gradually trying to take baby steps that I will stick too! You need to believe you can overcome this don't let your thoughts bluff you they are just thoughts!! Ask yourself us this fact or opinion! I guarantee they are just opinions. Look at the picture I keep this in my phone for whenever I'm feeling anxious! Xx