Hello!

[belikeme]

Hello, I'm a 16 year old girl from Estonia and yes, anxiety has taken control over my life. I found this website because I really wanted to share my story with others, get help and also help others. My problems started at the beginning of this year. I had a boyfriend who I loved very much and of coruse, we were intimate. About the second time we ever made love, the condom broke. At first I wasn't scared at all, because we had just started and so i didn't worry at all, but after the time had passed by, my worrying got worse and worse. I started searching the internet for all the symptoms of pregnancy, all the other peoples stories etc. and it all freaked me out. I started seeing pregnancy symptoms all over my body, even if I got my period and all the pregnancy tests were negative. I was scared of what my parents would think of me and it got me deeper and deeper into depression. I didn't want to live anymore. Overthinking came a big part of my everyday life. At one point, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I told my parents. Both of my parents were really understanding. My mother gave birth to my brother at the age 17, so they had been through it all. I felt relieved, but something wasn't still right. After multiple blood-tests and urine samples and doctor visits, I found out that all that stress had caused me reflux. After all the medications, thing still didn't get better. I had nausea every day and I was afraid of going to school. I didn't even realize it had anything do to with depression and anxiety. I just thought I had some illness and that I need to try more medications. After few months I realized I had these problems. I visited my first psychriatic at the beginning of June. She was an old lady who just couldn't help me. I felt really helpless because all the psychriatics were booked til August. So I just tried to enjoy summer, but that didn't work out either. I broke up with my boyfriend and that dragged me deeper and deeper into depression. And when my depression grew, same did the anxiety. I couldn't even visit my mother who works in Finland. At last, in the middle of August, I visited my second psychriatic, who helped me a lot. I went to therapy once a week and took antidepressants everyday. But I still worried every day about the school. I was so convienced that when September comes, I will just break again. I somehow managed to make through the first term. I took a very small piece of Cerucal because of the nausea and a very very small piece of Xanax each morning, and it really helped. But now, after the autumn holiday ended, the first day of school I felt big anxiety again and I just feel that I'm falling apart. I'm afraid of being a failure. I have nausea everyday and I have no idea why, everything seemed to get better but now, I just see how everything is falling apart again, and I'm afraid of telling others that this problem is back, I feel like I'm a burden to others.
It was a long story and I hope that it didn't scare you.
Thank you for your time, M.