Jinaiya
10-26-2012, 07:19 PM
I thought here seemed as good a place as any to come out and tell my story. I am here hoping to reach out to others who share my pain and suffering with anxiety.
I am no stranger to anxiety. My symptoms began at the age of 16 after I'd been experimenting with street drugs. Although I stopped using drugs at that point and have never used them since, my anxiety remains. To be honest, I'd likely have began experiencing anxiety regardless, just looking back on my life and the way things were going.
At the point the symptoms were pretty typical. Racing heart, fear of losing control. Fear of dying.
I've been on meds a couple times over the years. Paxil twice and Celexa when I was 25. They did help, enough that I thought I could stop using them months later. Not sure that was the best plan.
Fast forward to today and you've got a 29 year old woman who is fearful for her life every moment of every day.
It got bad last year when I immigrated to the USA to be with my husband. A month in, I began having heartburn. That didn't stick around too long but a month later things got worse. I began getting heart palpitations daily. Anything from a couple a day to several a minute. Although I thought I felt otherwise happy and content, I began to get very fearful. I couldn't stop looking online trying to get answers. I ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. After they ran tests, I was released and told I was fine. I later did a 24 hour holter monitor, an echo cardiogram, and saw a specialist. Although they saw the palpitations recorded, nothing came of it. There were simply no answers. I still get palpitations everyday but have learned to live with them for the most part, although I still have a panic attack when I get a lot of them at once. That never gets any less scary. I still think I am a walking time bomb, about to die at any moment. Every chest pain I get means death.
During the summer the heartburn I'd been experiencing came back. Its a daily thing. I have been to several doctors but like with the palpitations, never an answer. I've been on omeprazole and pantoprazole, both have not worked. I get severe burning and pain in center of my chest (right between my breasts). I often feel like I have a lump in my throat. I also find the center of my back aches a lot too, though I'm unsure if thats related or not. It's only getting worse. I now get stomach pains and diarrhea that has lasted for 2 weeks now. Every day there seems to be a new symptom, a new thing to fear.
I have become completely obsessed with thoughts of impending doom. I can't stop the thoughts that I am going to die any day. I feel like my body is exhausted and completely wrecked. I feel like my life is simply over and I need to accept it. My children won't have a mother. :( I am constantly thinking that I have cancer somewhere and that I'm running out of time. I'll look up a symptom I'm experiencing and it always leads to cancer. If I'm not obsessing about that then it's back to my heart. :(
I started taking Celexa 3 days ago and am hoping for some relief. I have been seeing a counsellor for about 6 weeks but thought the medication might help me see clearer. Its really hard to focus when I am constantly obsessed with my health.
I'm not completely convinced that what is wrong with me is simply anxiety. Even as I write this I can feel the palpitations and I think "no... something is wrong with me". It just never ends.
Since I am now in full blown panic mode again I am going to stop here.
If anyone has any reassuring words, or is going through something even remotely similar, I'd really love to hear back.
Thank you for your time.
I am no stranger to anxiety. My symptoms began at the age of 16 after I'd been experimenting with street drugs. Although I stopped using drugs at that point and have never used them since, my anxiety remains. To be honest, I'd likely have began experiencing anxiety regardless, just looking back on my life and the way things were going.
At the point the symptoms were pretty typical. Racing heart, fear of losing control. Fear of dying.
I've been on meds a couple times over the years. Paxil twice and Celexa when I was 25. They did help, enough that I thought I could stop using them months later. Not sure that was the best plan.
Fast forward to today and you've got a 29 year old woman who is fearful for her life every moment of every day.
It got bad last year when I immigrated to the USA to be with my husband. A month in, I began having heartburn. That didn't stick around too long but a month later things got worse. I began getting heart palpitations daily. Anything from a couple a day to several a minute. Although I thought I felt otherwise happy and content, I began to get very fearful. I couldn't stop looking online trying to get answers. I ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. After they ran tests, I was released and told I was fine. I later did a 24 hour holter monitor, an echo cardiogram, and saw a specialist. Although they saw the palpitations recorded, nothing came of it. There were simply no answers. I still get palpitations everyday but have learned to live with them for the most part, although I still have a panic attack when I get a lot of them at once. That never gets any less scary. I still think I am a walking time bomb, about to die at any moment. Every chest pain I get means death.
During the summer the heartburn I'd been experiencing came back. Its a daily thing. I have been to several doctors but like with the palpitations, never an answer. I've been on omeprazole and pantoprazole, both have not worked. I get severe burning and pain in center of my chest (right between my breasts). I often feel like I have a lump in my throat. I also find the center of my back aches a lot too, though I'm unsure if thats related or not. It's only getting worse. I now get stomach pains and diarrhea that has lasted for 2 weeks now. Every day there seems to be a new symptom, a new thing to fear.
I have become completely obsessed with thoughts of impending doom. I can't stop the thoughts that I am going to die any day. I feel like my body is exhausted and completely wrecked. I feel like my life is simply over and I need to accept it. My children won't have a mother. :( I am constantly thinking that I have cancer somewhere and that I'm running out of time. I'll look up a symptom I'm experiencing and it always leads to cancer. If I'm not obsessing about that then it's back to my heart. :(
I started taking Celexa 3 days ago and am hoping for some relief. I have been seeing a counsellor for about 6 weeks but thought the medication might help me see clearer. Its really hard to focus when I am constantly obsessed with my health.
I'm not completely convinced that what is wrong with me is simply anxiety. Even as I write this I can feel the palpitations and I think "no... something is wrong with me". It just never ends.
Since I am now in full blown panic mode again I am going to stop here.
If anyone has any reassuring words, or is going through something even remotely similar, I'd really love to hear back.
Thank you for your time.