dazza
10-23-2012, 05:20 PM
Hi folks
I've been thinking about how my anxiety disorder has developed / changed / morphed over time and this is my perspective on the condition according to where I'm at today and how the condition is currently effecting me.
For your perusal really, but please feel free comment.
Let's start at the beginning, but for those who already know, I'll keep it brief:
1. Electric shock pain within upper, left arm last December had me concluding a heart attack was imminent.
Feared for my life thereon, which caused my brain to BELEIVE I was gonna die any minute.
2. Regular, horrific panic attacks & terrifying physical symptoms prevailed for some 6 months.
During this time I attended several cognetive therapy sessions, had 3 doc. visits and 1 A&E visit.
Also took benzos (Diazepam) as and when needed.
3. Managed to knock panic attacks on the head around month 7, but still felt regular fear & symptoms.
Today:
For the past month or two, I seem to have hit an equlibrium or steady state of anxiety, symptoms & fear.
Manageable but bloody irritating. Generally not debilitating but can sometimes change the way I tackle stuff... a little.
My perspective:
The way I view this condition now is that my brain seems to have effectivley split into two.
One half (I call half A) is calm and pretty much back to normal, but the other half (I call half X) CONTINUES to invoke fight or flight (and predictable symptoms) over everyday, moderate stresses (such as being a little late for work or petty arguments)
Half X seems to be completely separated from my control. It has effectively become a "mind of it's own".
Almost like an inner Sentry or soldier, or some kinda weird anti-body that automatically highlights & attacks stress / pains / twinges.
Half A allows me to get on with my life, pretty much as I did before this all kicked off.
Because of this dual state (dual core processor?), I'm living in a somewhat paradox world right now. Often quite badly riddled with stress symtpoms yet, I continue my day normally.
Symptoms are quite predictable. They mainly consist of the following:
Left arm pains. Strange pains... kinda like mild cramps that appear randomly... including my wrist & fingers, but when I touch / rub / massage the area(s) - I feel no further pain, so it's like a deep, inner pain that is but isn't real. Very odd.
Neck will feel stressy, stiff & mildly painful. Shoulders will often get the same.
I feel a mild to moderate tingling / buzzing... almost like a small electric current flowing through most the parts which also get these inner pains. Like my veins have been doped with a small amount of acid.
It's unpleasant but not physically debilitating in any way. All joints / muscles / movements are fine.
Psychologically, I will also feel uneasy. A little down. A little irritable. A little pre-occupied.
The above symptoms are typical of perhaps, a few to several hours of each day.
First thing in the morning / the moment I wake up is absolute BLISS. Not a single symptom & my mind is totally relaxed.
Stressing will usually start to occur around 1 hour after wake up... when my head begins to fill with the jobs ahead of me on that day.
And that, my dears, is about it.
Dazzy
I've been thinking about how my anxiety disorder has developed / changed / morphed over time and this is my perspective on the condition according to where I'm at today and how the condition is currently effecting me.
For your perusal really, but please feel free comment.
Let's start at the beginning, but for those who already know, I'll keep it brief:
1. Electric shock pain within upper, left arm last December had me concluding a heart attack was imminent.
Feared for my life thereon, which caused my brain to BELEIVE I was gonna die any minute.
2. Regular, horrific panic attacks & terrifying physical symptoms prevailed for some 6 months.
During this time I attended several cognetive therapy sessions, had 3 doc. visits and 1 A&E visit.
Also took benzos (Diazepam) as and when needed.
3. Managed to knock panic attacks on the head around month 7, but still felt regular fear & symptoms.
Today:
For the past month or two, I seem to have hit an equlibrium or steady state of anxiety, symptoms & fear.
Manageable but bloody irritating. Generally not debilitating but can sometimes change the way I tackle stuff... a little.
My perspective:
The way I view this condition now is that my brain seems to have effectivley split into two.
One half (I call half A) is calm and pretty much back to normal, but the other half (I call half X) CONTINUES to invoke fight or flight (and predictable symptoms) over everyday, moderate stresses (such as being a little late for work or petty arguments)
Half X seems to be completely separated from my control. It has effectively become a "mind of it's own".
Almost like an inner Sentry or soldier, or some kinda weird anti-body that automatically highlights & attacks stress / pains / twinges.
Half A allows me to get on with my life, pretty much as I did before this all kicked off.
Because of this dual state (dual core processor?), I'm living in a somewhat paradox world right now. Often quite badly riddled with stress symtpoms yet, I continue my day normally.
Symptoms are quite predictable. They mainly consist of the following:
Left arm pains. Strange pains... kinda like mild cramps that appear randomly... including my wrist & fingers, but when I touch / rub / massage the area(s) - I feel no further pain, so it's like a deep, inner pain that is but isn't real. Very odd.
Neck will feel stressy, stiff & mildly painful. Shoulders will often get the same.
I feel a mild to moderate tingling / buzzing... almost like a small electric current flowing through most the parts which also get these inner pains. Like my veins have been doped with a small amount of acid.
It's unpleasant but not physically debilitating in any way. All joints / muscles / movements are fine.
Psychologically, I will also feel uneasy. A little down. A little irritable. A little pre-occupied.
The above symptoms are typical of perhaps, a few to several hours of each day.
First thing in the morning / the moment I wake up is absolute BLISS. Not a single symptom & my mind is totally relaxed.
Stressing will usually start to occur around 1 hour after wake up... when my head begins to fill with the jobs ahead of me on that day.
And that, my dears, is about it.
Dazzy