New, need brief advice...anything would help

[Tekron]

Hi. I am a freshman in college. I didn't date in high school, I didn't have sex. I wanted to find the right girl. After being led on by many girls, and having one seriously bad experience in early high school, I told myself I would definitely wait until I could find some one who was as serious as I was.

When I graduated I immediately found her. Now I'm left extremely panicky and worrysome. Since I've met her, I've spent nearly EVERY DAY with her, minus about 4 days... we've been dating for 7 months now. Probably after abour 2-3 months I got really worried. About 4 months into it however, I became really afraid.

My girlfriend is a very attractive redhead, and she's pretty skinny but very curvatious. This is what worries me. I've already seen a lot of guys stare at her, which bugs me as it is. Even in winter, covered up she's been whistled at. I'm extremely afraid of what's going to happen when the summer hits though. She has all these short skirts and shorts... and tight tank tops and I'm just going to be lost. She also goes away to NH sometimes, up to a week. She is dying for me to take her to the beach.

I'll leave out a lot of the details, but in short I am a very, very sweet caring boyfriend. I know she loves me, and she knows I love her. I always do sweet things for her, but she doesn't do much for me. I think I would worry less if she insured her commitment by being equally as sweet. I always rub her back, or rub lotion on her body. I rub her head, take her places she wants... surprise her with things.. leave love notes around her room... I bought her a diamond ring for no special occasion. I don't think she would cheat on me whatsoever. She is an honest, loyal girlfriend. Yet I still worry about her in insane amount. It bugs the crap out of me sometimes, and her as well.

Now that I'm hooked on my girlfriend...a lot of bad things started happening. I started dating her right when college started. Then my dad got diagnosed with cancer. A week later, my grandfather dies. My mom is left having to work a lot to make up for my dad being out. She also is left with the burden of my grandmother since her sister and brother live far away. I also work at the same company as my dad, so since only 3 people do the work, I have to make up all the work he's missing. My dad recently had his surgery, and I wasn't very worried. But I commute and that day, the clutch went in my car. I knew he would have told me if he truly felt something wasn't right. My dad is recovering now and doing pretty well. He has a 50% chance of living the next 5 years. Of course now that he's out of commission, in bed for a while there just so happens to be a family of raccoons living in my chimney, wtf?

Anyway, if you're this far, I really, REALLY, want to thank you. You have no idea how much it means for me to hear what you guys have to say.

I am going to the doctor soon so I can talk to him about medication, but I just got changed doctors since I'm 18 and can't go to the childrens office. :-P

So I don't know who this doctor is and whatnot, and I know the whole deal on doctors giving out medication...

Anyway, I wanted to hear what you guys had to say. I do try to stay healthy, I know a bit about staying fit and a bit about losing weight. Don't know about vitamins though, and how they keep you happy and stuff.

This might help my girlfriend too, she really doesn't eat well at all. French fries, diet coke, starbucks and chicken nuggets... :-P

I also do lift weights on my arms. When it's not freezing out, I walk 3 miles on a daily basis. When it warms up(soon, I hope) I will be running about a mile with 10 pound weights on either of my feet and 2.5 pound weights on either hand.

I'm including this information based on what you might say regarding health and fitness in regards to my anxiety.

I don't think I have panic/anxiety attacks. I don't really know what one is. I looked around for medications and most things said it would be good if you have often anxiety attacks etc. etc. so I don't think I'm included there.

However I do have some trouble sleeping and I have ADHD. I don't take my medicine for it though, because it makes me extremely bitter and very...not funny. boring. :unsure:

I just want to make sure I am the same, healthy person. I don't want to lose my personality I just need to cool down and stop worrying.

Again, thank you SO MUCH for reading my novel... I am very, very desperate. I don't want the doctor giving me some bullshit and having me do something I don't want to. My 35 year old second-cousin was prescribed the wrong medication, and she attempted suicide immediately after.

By the way, I am not depressed!
;)

edit: I also had acid reflux/an ulcer when I was a junior in high school...anxiety is common on my moms side and depression on my dads side. !. my dad is very anal, and I follow in his footsteps :evil:

[V for Victor]

Tekron, you and I are both very similar! I'm 18 also, didn't date in highschool, but I'm still looking for the right girl. :)

We're also very similar that you're expressing many of the same concerns I had when attempting to really take control of my anxiety for the first time. But this is very common in anybody dealing with anxiety.

I understand where you're at now. I did the whole vitamins thing, and had my blood tested to make sure it wasn't just some deficiency making me worried and depressed. The test came back fine. Now, excercise can help relieve anxiety, but it may not help you overcome it in the long run. Especially if it's biological, which it sounds like it is, what with your parents having it.

If you feel your worries are getting in the way of your life, go ahead and talk it out with the doc, and don't close your mind to medication too quickly. Take your time on it, though. It took me a while to finally decide that I needed medication, and now that I'm on it, I'm feeling better than I have in years.

Now, what you're describing in terms of your worries about your girlfriend sounds similiar to a story I read about a woman who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

She was plagued by constant obsessions that her boyfriend was cheating on her, or had had a past fling that he hadn't told her about. She would ask him question after question about where he had been that day, who he'd dated in the past, and so on. She was even asking the same questions several times, to make sure his answers were all the same. Is this something that you find yourself doing? If you're interested, take this test from the University of Hamburg for OCD symptoms:

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/tests/ocdtest.htm

I'm not saying that having concerns about your girlfriend and your relationship automatically makes you OCD, we just wanna make sure that it's not a symptom of something else much more troublesome. ;)

If it really bugs you about the way she dresses, just talk to her about it. She might just decide to change the way she dresses, if she knows it's really bothering you. I can understand you not wanting her to run around dressed like that, what with other guys hovering around her.

All in all, it sounds like you've had to deal with a lot recently, and that alone can bring on some stress that would add to any anxiety problems you already have.

Anyway, do keep posting or feel free to send me a private message if you wanna talk about some of these things.