feeling lost

[mustangsally]

I'm trying so hard to not rely on antidepressants, but I'm finding each day getting harder and harder. Thoughts of doing something bad to myself keep cropping up, like if I'm driving I often find myself thinking about crashing on purpose just so I won't have to deal w life anymore, or at least not have to go to work. Iknow this is wrong, I know I'm not healthy. I spend every Sunday worrying, and dreading the up coming week. I worry about everything, and I mean everything. I can't turn my mind off. I'll even just break down and cry for no reason I think its all my emotions all balled up and I can't take it anymore. Has anyone else been like this? I feel so alone, ihave no one to talk to. I feel like everyone thinks I'm crazy.

[cypress_2151]

I think it's safe to say many to most of us here have been like that. Depression is quite common, and many of us face it at some point in our lives. Take solace in the fact that you are among thousands and thousands of people that feel very similarly. I have suffered from mid-level to severe depression for most of my adult life, albeit I am only 20 at this point. Don't think of antidepressants as a sign of weakness or you have a lack of control; depression, among with so many other mental conditions has to do with a physical problem as well. Depression means you literally are not getting the right doses of chemicals in your brain that you need to, and medications are perfect to level these out. They can work wonders. I worry about every possible thing as well, most of us here have this problem, too. I suppose that is something you need to work towards slowly over time. But any progress is good, so every now and then take a step back and see how far you've come. It's like working out, you see a little progress each time you try and put those fears behind you. Sometimes you need to head into things blindly without too much thinking to advance, but you feel great when you do so and things work out. With dreading the week and hating life, I've been in that boat too. Try and make things easier on yourself though; notice the moments you really enjoy yourself, try and surround yourself with people you like. If you have nobody, it's integral to find some people that understand you and want to be around you, and respect your way of thinking. Believe it or not, most people won't think you're crazy. Everybody has a million and two reasons to be depressed and anxious in this modern world we're living in, and everybody experiences these at some point. For some enjoyment, pick up something like writing. Write about how you feel, it's very cathartic. Don't worry about how it sounds or reads, just get it out, you'll be amazed by how much better you feel, even if nobody reads it (if you don't write already.) I've had some dark thoughts about jumping from heights, running into busy streets, etc. and at times I scare myself with how okay and willing I seem to do it, but remind yourself constantly about the things you enjoy. Once you calm down, and realize there are such things, living is pretty great, after all. I hope this helped.