Stressed

[jess123]

Soon as I wake up I worry about my boyfriend leaving me he said he won't but he said I'm hard work :(

[dazza]

The more you worry / stress / fret about it the more of a quivvering, clingy, dependant mess you're going to make of yourself which, ironically, maybe the reason he eventually leaves you, if he does.

Your best bet is to gain confidence in yourself. Love yourself. Be independant. Be happy. These are all attractive attributes and draw people to you.
Clingy & dependant is not attractive and drives people away.

To gain the confidence you need, some people find making appearance changes helps. Such as a new haircut and / or working out / get slim, etc.

Worst thing you can do is fret over it.

Besides, if he leaves, there'll be plenty more! (no such thing as "the one" if you ask me... there is plenty of LOVE out there)

[jess123]

Hey daz, thankyou for the advice it really helps :) thing is I do work out and I do change my hairstyle often, I never know how to look busy tho cos I don't have many friends any tips? and how do I look confident? X

[jhunter89]

Hi Jess, may I ask how old are you? How long have you been with your bf and is this your first serious relationship?

[jess123]

Hiya I'm 17 and I've been with my boyfriend for half a year and he is 27 I really love him and don't want to lose him but I can't control my anxiety and this is making me look clingy and he may be getting put off :(

[jhunter89]

Is this your first serious relationship? I met my bf when i was 15 and we are still together and I'm now 23 but I have developed a very unhealthy dependency on him, I know i love him and I worry a LOT that he is going to leave me. It is not a good place to be! Were you an anxious person before you got with him? Your boyfriend probably feels helpless and doesn't know what to do. Maybe you should seek some counselling you seem to have some self esteem issues? Or a friend you could lean on for a bit? If he truly loves you he will stick by you, people get frustrated when they don't understand something.

[jess123]

I was a worrier before I met him yh, and I have an unhealthy dependency on him too, I really don't want to lose him because I love having an older boyfriend. We had a few days a couple of weeks ago where we got on so well and we argue lots because of my worrying because I get all my worries off my chest at once and this stresses him out so much tht I'm scared he's going to leave me

[jess123]

And no he's not my first serious relationship, i have worried like this with all my exes, but I worry lots with my current bf because I feel he's changing :( he said he's not but my brain is telling me he is, maybe this is my anxiety telling me the wrong thing.

[jhunter89]

Do you see a councillor or a good friend you could unload all your worries onto? Have you been to a doctor? I tend to keep all my worries bottled up as much as I can so he doesn't have to see that side of me very oftencos i don't want him to feel bad but that's not good to do either.

[jess123]

I have tried counselling but it doesn't help me in the long run with my anxiety, I have a best friend who I tell but she can't relate to it as she has never had a boyfriend, I don't have many friends :(

[jhunter89]

Ever tried any meds?

[jess123]

No, I want to deal with it naturally

[jess123]

No I want to deal with my anxiety naturally

[jhunter89]

Do you have a job? Maybe after a bit of time you'll settle down in your relationship and you can always vent on here. :)

[jess123]

People say vent what does that mean? I have a part time job and I go to sixth form x

[jhunter89]

Let off steam/get stuff off your chest x

[jess123]

Ahh okay :) what I'll do is tell my worries to this and speak to my bf about my anxieties rarely so he doesn't get stressed does that sound a good idea?? X

[jhunter89]

Well you could certainly try it and maybe educate your boyfriend about anxiety and help him understand what you are going through

[jess123]

Okay thankyou so much for your help :)

[jhunter89]

I don't feel I helped much :-/ but anyway ya hope you enjoy your day x

[dazza]

Only 17? blimey... you've got a lot of growing up to do I'm affraid and this is something that can't really be taught.

In my opinion, you shouldn't even be in a relationship until you're at least late 20's. Most early relationships fail (sorry, but they do)
We go through so many changes from teenager to adult. We want different things as we grow.

What you want now will not necessarily be what you want in say, 5 years time.

I personally feel there's much more to life than getting married and pregnant by the time your spots have just started to clear up.
Why anyone particularly WANTS to bind themselves to another human being so early in their life lord only knows.

I dunno... I think most of it is down to self confidence. Some people seem to be born without ANY and so cling on to someone else in
order to get that boost / feel a sense of belonging.
They just can't be on their own for 5 minutes.
Sad I reckon. I loved being single, way into my late 30's... as much as I'm now loving being in a relationship in my early 40's (and expecting
my first child (girl) in around 18 weeks time)

Plenty of time to have fun before shackling yourself to someone else, imo.

[jhunter89]

I'm a massive cling-on :)

And congrats btw Dazza :D

[lsapphirel]

Congratz dazza! Although i dont agree in theres no such thing as the one part. Love is a strong word, you cant just find it. It has to happen on its own, not planned, not whatever. Of course theres a lot of men out there lol.

You both girls, just be yourself, dont be someone he wants you to be. Be you, dont waste your youth, do what you want before you get tied down with kids. Of course that being said, give and take.

Honestly, once you have kids, if you dont manage well, its going to disasterous. This is when your lives starts to really change.