aprilmay
10-17-2012, 06:51 PM
Hi everyone! I am fairly new on this forum and there is a lot to tell about my journey of accepting my anxiety problems. But to sum up, in my early 30's I started seeing a therapist at the advice of a GP because of very frightening anxiety spells/panic attacks: heart palpitations, trembling, hot and cold flashes, shortness of breath, dizziness, cold hands, tense stomach muscles, etc. Every time it happens, I basically feel like my body is failing. Blood tests came back fine and ruled out other possible problems. I have had anxiety problems all my life and I've learned that they run in the family history, but the real full-blown attacks started after my mother died prematurely (no wonder). I was on Ativan and then Paxil for around 18 months but came off of it as I learned some natural anxiety attack control methods because I didn't want to rely on meds longer than necessary. Well, a few years later, the anxiety attacks gradually came back as my husband and I faced challenging life changes and questionable emotional/psychological abuse from family. I decided to go back on Ativan on an as-needed basis. The straw that broke the camel's back came this August when I had to spend 2 weeks alone in the house while my husband traveled overseas to visit family he hadn't seen in half a decade. My dad and his ladyfriend, both of whom are retired and live two and a half hours drive away, came to visit for the weekend to help me ease into the experience of staying in the house alone. I was angry at them for not staying longer when I knew that they could- I told them I hated the fact that they were leaving but they didn't say anything and left according to their plan- so it's no surprise that 3 days later I woke up at about 3 a.m. with a BAD panic attack- I managed to call my husband and he talked with me until I was stable. The next day I went to the ER and got a prescription for Ativan which I took daily until my husband came home. Then I had my own trip overseas- I visited the UK as a tourist for the first time for 10 days...I went there solo because the plan all along was for my husband and I to take separate vacations (it's a long story but we didnt WANT to take separate vacations, it was just a sacrifice because we had different emotional needs concerning this vacation time). I had not flown in 5 years and was very, very nervous about it....a few times before I left I was nearly tempted to cancel my trip because I wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't know when/if I should take Ativan because I've read that at high altitude it can have the opposite effect on the nervous system. Fast forward to my return home- I ended up not taking any meds at all! Yes I was jittery especially for the onward flight, mostly racing heart, because I "forgot" what flying felt like, but I handled it by rubbing my temples often, rubbing the center of my forehead, taking deep breaths, and getting out of my seat to stretch and walk around the plane frequently. I also did not have any panic attacks while visiting the UK, and by the end of the return flight I was almost completely relaxed. Turbulence triggered a mild nervous reaction where my heart rate would go up, but then I just started rubbing my temples and forehead again, etc. Part of my anxiety was severe guilt over taking the trip at all, and leaving my husband behind to take care of the house and our pet rabbit on his own. But he supported my trip and encouraged me to go even though he missed me very much.
And yes that's the SHORT version ;)
As I look to the future, I'm considering just keeping an emergency supply of Ativan on hand...currently discussing this in therapy. It's been 3 weeks since I returned from my trip and I'm still so happy that I made it ok and without meds!
And yes that's the SHORT version ;)
As I look to the future, I'm considering just keeping an emergency supply of Ativan on hand...currently discussing this in therapy. It's been 3 weeks since I returned from my trip and I'm still so happy that I made it ok and without meds!