My anxiety - suffered for 4 years. Getting very fed up.

[stokescj]

Hello all,

This is my first time I have visited this forum. I have been suffering from anxiety for around 4 years now (I am aged 24).

I am not sure what I plan on achieving from this post, but I hope in some way it will result in a relief for my symptoms. Either way, I have told very few people about my symptoms so I hope it will feel good to talk about it a bit.

It all started during a week period when I was under copious amounts of stress, I was sleeping badly and I was keeping a vigorous fitness training programme. Before this time, I have always been someone who was slightly panicky, but in no way did I have what I consider "anxiety".

It was also the same time I started dating my wife, adding to the busy schedule. One night, we we just laid on my bed for around 3 hours talking and she just so happened to sit on top of me (and I don't mean having sex), I mean actually sitting on my tummy while I lay down on the bed

When we finally decided to sleep, i started feeling really unwell. What I thought at the time was flu coming on, was actually the first day of my anxiety. My first symptom, which I have felt 24/7 since this time, was this servire tightness of the throat and general diaphragm area. It results in me permanently not be able to sit down and feel comfortable and relax. I feel like if I just turned back the clock, I would not let her sit on my stomach, and reduced my busy schedule so I was not so stressed and I would not be in the position I am today.

Since then, I have been working on and off the for last 4 years. I am so lucky that this wonderful girl that I was dating has now become my wife. For only around 2 weeks were we together while I was actually well, yet she still decided to stick with me, help me try to get better and such. For that, even though I suffer from this foul infliction, I still feel very lucky.

I have tried doing various techniques such as slowing down my breathing, but it just gives me more anxiety and my chest just tightens up. I feel as though I am locked into a trap, as I know the solution to clear my symptoms is to relax, yet I feel I cannot do that as slowing my breathing increases my anxiety...

I suffer on and off from many other usual symptoms of anxiety, such as dizzy, tingles, weakness, hot cold and many others on a daily basis. For around a year period, my anxiety was at a much lower state (but most certainly not gone) and that was a real gift, but stress is one of the main triggers and I am now at quite a nasty level again. Some days I would love to just go for a run or a cycle ride, but very soon after I am out of breath and very week.

I would be interested in knowing if others have suffered in such a trap. I am currently taking 20mg of Citalopram daily and I have seen a CBT doctor for around 5 sessions. They were useful, but in all honestly, I my health didn't massively improve from them. That was about a year ago and I am considering doing it again.

Reading other posts on this forum have made me feel a little better, as I know I am not the only one. All I wish for in life is to get well so I can work hard and build a family with my wonderful wife.

I look forward to hearing from you.

[stokescj]

Bump - I would really appreciate some advice / peoples thoughts on my really hard 4 years.

[Bluesookie]

Hi stokescj.

I've been dealing with anxiety for about a year now so, I don't have that much of an experience compared to yours. But, believe me, these 12 months have been one hell of a ride, ups and downs.
My main problematic symptom is nausea and I've been dealing with it all this time. Some days I feel better, I can have a whole week that I don't have anything close to anxiety and that, out of the blue I have a whole day with nausea, panic attacks,...
I can't say I wasn't expecting it, I was warned that it would be and ups and downs recovery.

I'm currently tappering paroxetine (which has been another source of anxiety for me) and I have 1,5 mg of bromazepan every night.

I agree you're lucky you have someone beside you that understands what you're going through and supports you. I'm lucky in that way too :)

I did therapy too, it helped a lot because I wasn't capable of driving and now I drive everywhere and it causes me no anxiety. My psychologist used narrative therapy. I might do it again.

Right now, I use what I learned during the therapy sessions and self-help techniques. I like the Claire Weekes method.

[Siegfried]

Hello stokes!


Congratulations on your marriage, and thank you for sharing your story.

I can relate a lot to your story. Not only are we the same age, but my symptoms started about the time yours did. Lucky for me, I am feeling much better now. I can really say that I'm back to normal. I was treated with paroxetine and did no CBT. I think that if the drugs you are taking aren't working sufficiently well for you to lead a normal, happy life, then maybe you should talk to your doc about trying different ones.

We suffer from a terrible condition, and it would be wrong to say that people "get over it". They usually don't. Medication and therapy can help us get back on track and control the symptoms, but there will always be times in one's life when invalidating anxiety will strike. Still, most people do manage to control it and say "I'm feeling great!" most days of their lives. You have not yet got to that point, but hopefully you will soon. We are here to help you, so keep us posted.

[aims86]

Hi stokes
Thanks for your story! I 2 have been suffering with anxiety for 4 years and occasional panic attacks, I can't go out and feel so upset and spend most days crying! I have been given a course of citalopram, what are your thoughts on these tablets? I'm frightened it's gonna make me feel worse! What do you reckon?

[Justy]

Hi there - thanks for sharing, I can associate with some of what you're saying too. You're focusing quite a lot on the sitting on your tummy incident and I wonder if that has become a bit of a 'thing'. In a similar way I always had a bit of anxiety but then a specific event in my life suddenly made things a whole lot worse, and I struggle with dealing with that event and leaving it in the past even now. In terms of breathing exercises, I'd say keep it really simple as when I'm anxious it's hard to concentrate and remember, so i just try and breathe into my belly so it pushes outwards, and breathe out so that my belly pulls inwards a little - it's hard to explain but it works for me as the tummy stays relaxed, the breathing is slow and deep and not restricted to my chest. Lastly, one of the best things I ever did was find this forum, I don't know why but reading and sharing experiences on here has helped more than I can say - I hope being here helps you too.