Mommy with Anxiety

[juls]

This is my first post. I have always read this forum when I was having a bad day but never posted. I had a major attack in college and since then I have been apart of the "panic attack club". I never knew how powerful anxiety can be. I was put on Zoloft for a short period and now take Xanax as needed. Now I'm a stay at home mom. I went from work all the time and having a demanding job to staying at. It was a major change but I really love it . My daughter is almost 1 1/2 and I went through some postpartum for months after she was born. I cried all the time, felt just down, worried and my anxiety kicked in. After the postpartum calmed I still have what I call "Mommy Anxiety". I just worry. I think about what I would do if anything happen to my daughter. I never thought about hurting her but i do understand how mothers can get to that point.I would imagine what would happen if we got in a car wreck or if she fell and hit her head. I would worry that I wouldn't be able to help or get her to the hospital. I worry that I would go crazy if I ever lost her. I don't know if that's a normal mommy thought but sometime it keeps me up at night and takes me to a panic state. They never tell you about the fear that comes with being a parent. I worry what would happen If I died. I used to check on her thousands of time when she was an infant sleeping and I probably check on too much now still. I left her for two days for a wedding and I couldn't calm down. It was a horrible trip. I get away for girls night ever once in awhile but the next day I feel horrible. I feel guilty about drink and getting away even when my daughter was being totally taken care of. If I get a little hungover my day is hell. It's the worst panic ever all day. I know I shouldn't over drink with anxiety but that's what all my friends do when we get away from the kiddos. Its hard for me to stop when I'm having a good time. I always have fear of me having an attack and not being able to take care of my daughter. I know this may seem like normal mommy anxiety but from a person that suffers from panic attacks it is a little more consuming. I guess why I'm writing this is to see how stay at home moms, dads or just parents in general deal with anxiety. Or maybe just to be able to connect with other parents. I want to have more children but I have to get the anxiety under control. I have a toddler that is so active and some days I don't want to leave the house. My husbands travels a lot so when I'm alone it worst. I'm also concerned about having postpartum again. I think the next time I'll be better prepared because it really sneaks up on you and you don't realize how bad it is until you are deep in it. So is mommy anxiety here to stay?

[Audrey00]

I just had a baby girl about two months ago and I am dealing with the same exact things that you are. My doctor will not medicate me and it is seriously making things worse. I also have a fear of death and me not being around to take care of my daughter. You are not alone! Believe me if u need anything I am here,

[sam12]

I just had a baby girl about two months ago and I am dealing with the same exact things that you are. My doctor will not medicate me and it is seriously making things worse. I also have a fear of death and me not being around to take care of my daughter. You are not alone! Believe me if u need anything I am here,

So do you have physical symptoms from the worry, ladies ?

[rhar]

I too have the same feelings with my almost 3 year old daughter. It started this year after I had a miscarriage. I get plenty of physical symptoms... Feel faint, dizzy, can't sit still, blurry vision every now and then, major tiredness... The list goes on and on.....

[fisher]

Hello ladies,i suffered from anxiety yrs ago but it never leaves u fully but i think i have a health anxiety to be honest,i have a 16yr old son and i have just had a baby girl and while i was pregnant i used to get my heart going fast alot and it wasnt even anxiety but it used to give me anxiety because i was scared of my heart going fast and after i had the baby i was so calm couldnt believe it,my baby is 4 months old now but she was 6 weeks early and weighed 4 pound,now i get them thoughts like what would i do if anything happened to her and i check her when she is asleep at night and worry what if anything happened to me,i hope it is just a normal healthy worry most mums do.

[jhunter89]

Hello ladies,i suffered from anxiety yrs ago but it never leaves u fully but i think i have a health anxiety to be honest,i have a 16yr old son and i have just had a baby girl and while i was pregnant i used to get my heart going fast alot and it wasnt even anxiety but it used to give me anxiety because i was scared of my heart going fast and after i had the baby i was so calm couldnt believe it,my baby is 4 months old now but she was 6 weeks early and weighed 4 pound,now i get them thoughts like what would i do if anything happened to her and i check her when she is asleep at night and worry what if anything happened to me,i hope it is just a normal healthy worry most mums do.

I know this is totally irrelevant, but my mum had me when my brother was 16 and Im a girl who was born 6 weeks early! lol :)

[fisher]

Really ha ha well my son always wanted a brother or sister when he was younger but now he is brilliant with her and its so nice to see them together,i know its a big gap but hopefully he will always look after her .

[juls]

So do you have physical symptoms from the worry, ladies ?
Thanks for the responses girls. Its nice knowing you are not crazy or not the only crazy one. Haha

I have physical symptoms but they are all related to anxiety. Dizzy, running thought, a very down feeling, over emotional. If it gets bad I have tight chest, I feel like I can't breathe( when i know I can) and cramped hands. The thing is I know this is anxiety. I really have researched anxiety and I am a logical thinker but when I have an attack all logic is out the window. Its a cycle that starts. If I don't have a lot of sleep I have an anxiety but if I have anxiety I can't sleep! Its hard having a baby and trying to have a good sleep cycle. When I was breastfeeding I felt like a crazy person. I only slept about 2 hours at a time but I made it through. But I still have anxiety. I'm leaving this weekend for a girls trip my good friend is taking me on. I hope I can enjoy it. I will always have my Xanax with me. I only take about 3 a month when I'm having a bad day and they are wonderful. You have to be careful because a lot of people will take way too many. It takes all the anxiety away but its just hiding it so you can push through. I'm going back to the doctor to set up a plan. I went to this doctor when I had postpartum and it helped me get through. She said something that really resonated with me. She explained my anxiety is normal anxiety but it is how my body is reacting to the anxiety that is not normal. So she said I need to train by mind to receive anxiety and deal with it in a better way. SO I'm going back because I feel like the anxiety is increased since our last visit. I let y'all know how it goes.

[mommyof2]

I am also a mother with anxiety. I have two little boys ages 2 1/2 and 1 1/2. My anxiety got so bad I couldn't eat, sleep, or just do anything with my boys. I have feared them dying or hurting themselves in someway. When there sick I always fear the worst like they have cancer or some deadly disease. It's effecting my relationship with my husband and it is really bothering me. I am also a hypochondriac so that makes my anxiety worse. I get the sweats, tinkles all over my body, heart beating a thousand times per minute, chest hurts and it sucks. This forum has really helped me with anxiety. If you need someone to talk to I am here :)

[mellymel]

Hello. I would love to talk to u, I am 27 and have a 2 1/2 yo little girl. I have the very same fears that u are describing, and recently they have become much scarier to the point That I have thoughts about hurting myself, my daughter and random people, but mostly my daughter. I think this was triggered by a scare we had with her back in June. She had a viral infection and ended up with a horrible fever followed by a febrile seizure. I had no idea what was happening to her and we were home alone. Things finally got back on track and then in August I started having the bad thoughts. So I can understand what ur going through and then some! Here if u ever wanna chat.

[agrlntx]

I am so glad I came across this thread. I am currently 37 1/2 weeks preggo with my 2nd. I have always had anxiety however with this pregnancy it has been a little more than usual. Within the past 3 days I have been experiencing major panic attacks and it is freaking me out and making me feel like I won't be able to handle the child.
I totally understand when you say you know it's anxiety but in the heat of the moment all that logic goes out the window.
I have the same thoughts of what would happen if something happened to my daughter. They are scary thoughts and I feel guilty for thinking them. I love her so much. She is my world.

[momofoneornaryboy]

I have a 19 month old and suffer from anxiety. I had a horrible run of postpartum as well and it took 10 months before I was out in medicine for about 6 months..and then the medicine stopped working and I didn't want to up the dose. I've been trying natural supplements prescribed by a holistic doctor and have recently taken up yoga. I have horrible digestion problems after I got my gallbladder out when my son was 4 months old so I always think I have some type I cancer and no one will take care of my little one like I would. It's a horrible feeling. We are supposed to be enjoying out kid(s) and instead we are in a constant state of worry. I also started getting nocturnal panic attacks about a year ago that wake you from sleep with a pounding heart, tremors, dry mouth, confusion etc. I don't wish that upon anyone. It's awful. If someone could hypnotize me, I would do it just to feel better mentally. Good luck ladies:)

[nzbritt]

I have a 16mnth old and am in the same boat. The only thing about it is your mid tells you you gota do it so ya just have at get on with it which sucks cos all you wana do is go to bed