Trying to motivate myself to end an unhealthy relationship

[firefly06]

I've dated him for 2 years and there's so many details I don't even have the energy to get into, but I basically really need a kick in the ass to convince me to just end it. He is a major trigger for my anxiety to the point that I have attacks when he comes home. He's not even an asshole. Just something I can't describe makes him the worse thing for my anxiet ever

[firefly06]

I'm afraid he'll self destruct (or kill himself) if I do, and I've seen plenty of red flags that tell me that my feeling is dead on. He's never been abusive or anything like that, he just literally everything about him makes my anxiety so much worse. From his inability to cut the cord from his parents (he feels guilty to the point of panic) to his blantanly lazy and selfish lovemaking, to his serious issues that he refuses to get help for because he wants his mom to call the docs and set it up for him, etc. he's been independent before, been married and had his own home before, and when his marriage ended he went backwards and now relies on his parents for permission to start a life with another woman (me), which they won't do. He blames everything on lack of money, but I know that if we won the lottery tomorrow his mommy wouldn't let him buy a house and marry me without having a complete mental breakdown over her son leaving her.. I'm rambling now, but just trying to get it all out so maybe it'll help with ideas or something...

[raggamuffin]

2 people have to be happy to make a relationship work. If you're not happy you can't stay with him for the sake of guilt. If he was divorced previously it's unlikely he'd commit suicide in my honest opinion. If he's making your anxiety bad and he's selfish and lazxy then you need to ask yourself what is keeping you there and is it worth fighting for? It sounds like it's being dragged out longer than it has to be. If you truly aren't happy it'd be best to end it. It's hard to let go sometimes. Even if you're in a fruitless relationship the routine of being with someone is difficult to give up. But it really sounds like it'd be best for you to do so.

Ed

[firefly06]

After his divorce he nearly drank himself to death, although that's pretty much what he's doing now. He's got his demons for sure, but won't share them. I'm more worried about the fallout from his family and the thought of being alone with this anxiety, which is stupid because I already AM alone with it (in this house anyways) other than having you all to talk to. At least you guys give honest opinions and support and that's more than he offers. I was a happy person before him, I remember it well. His anxiety and depression that continue to go unchecked is destroying him and now destroying me. He's got a good heart and is a good man, but he is not ready to be with anyone, especially someone who does occasionally need emotional comfort. (Which is every woman lol)

[raggamuffin]

You should probably both look into starting CBT. Separate therapists though. Take it from there really. It really is best for people to be happy with themselves before dating people. but misery loves company. many people think being with someone will pull them out of depression, they don't think that it could just drag people down with them.

Ed

[firefly06]

I WAS happy with myself before dating him unfortunately. I was normal and virtually anxiety free as well. Even my roommate/best friend tells me I became a different person in a matter of a couple months and I was totally fine before I was with him. I look forward to getting therapy, but sadly he never will. He won't seek help and that is his problem, and not mine (for much longer lol)