RCB0208
10-09-2012, 11:06 AM
Good afternoon.
I have never written into anything like this before and please let me start off by thanking you for listening to my story.
I am 28 year old male and am very social and live an atheletic lifestyle playing 3 different sports a week and i also work out. In December of last year I followed my dreams of becoming an investment manager and joined a firm to start my career. Since joining the firm i have found great success at work but have found it extremely difficult to get through the testing requirements necessary to continue my career. Like many other people, no one wants to be out of work and after having to struggle for so long to find the right fit career wise the fear of loosing it terrifies me. After my first attempt at taking the series 7 i missed passing by 2 questions and failed. 30 days later i retook the exam and passed and felt great relief. The process was extremely difficult emotionally however and i even developed a rash on my hands and feet during the process. the rash eventually went away but after seeing a dermatologist i believe it was a type of eczema caused by stress. since then i have had to take the series 66 and unfortunately i have failed it twice by an extremely small margin and am attempting to retake it later this month.
That is where the serious issues came about.
When i was in college i drank a lot and ate pooring and for some reason developed a fear that id have to go to the bathroom (#2) all the time. this lead me to have mild, mental panic attacks but eventually i got over them and just started to eat better and so forth. So i have a history of being "anxious". *I also HATE flying and the only way i make it through it with xanax my mom gives to me before i fly. What has developed with me over the last month or so is totally different.
For some reason i believe that i have masked my fear of not passing my exam by creating a new fear of having a heart attack or dropping dead. the funny thing is i honestly have never had any physical symptoms that would lead this to be true but for whatever reason i feel like my mind can talk myself into believing that instant death is coming. i read about symptons of a heart attacks and started to self monitor myself and eventually got to the point of convincing myself i was having one. two weeks ago i had a awful panic attack while driving which left me shaking, having a tight chest and almost paralyzed hands. It scared the living crap out of me and now my mind just cannot get off the fear of A) Actually dieing or B) having another panic attack. My mind in generally seems to work very oddly where I could be perfectly fine and then all the sudden convince myself that something awful is happening or about to happen.
I have been seeing a therapist bi-montly for over a year now for a variety of different things: break up with girl friend, having moved to a new city, etc. and it has helped me to cope with some unpleasant times in my life. I also have a wonderful family and great friends but for some reason i feel very isolated.
I recently went for a check up and was given an ekg which came back normal and a slightly higher than normal blood pressure which i can honestly associate with my anxiety of going to the doctors appointment and a stressful day at work. but i still fear something crazy will happen to me
i was perscribed celexa and xanax at my physical. the celexa has given me headaches and gag reflexies but i read that these side effects are common and only last a short while.
i guess my question is: does anyone relate to any of this lol and does anyone have any success stories to share about overcoming this almost addiction to creating intrusive negative thoughts?
I have never written into anything like this before and please let me start off by thanking you for listening to my story.
I am 28 year old male and am very social and live an atheletic lifestyle playing 3 different sports a week and i also work out. In December of last year I followed my dreams of becoming an investment manager and joined a firm to start my career. Since joining the firm i have found great success at work but have found it extremely difficult to get through the testing requirements necessary to continue my career. Like many other people, no one wants to be out of work and after having to struggle for so long to find the right fit career wise the fear of loosing it terrifies me. After my first attempt at taking the series 7 i missed passing by 2 questions and failed. 30 days later i retook the exam and passed and felt great relief. The process was extremely difficult emotionally however and i even developed a rash on my hands and feet during the process. the rash eventually went away but after seeing a dermatologist i believe it was a type of eczema caused by stress. since then i have had to take the series 66 and unfortunately i have failed it twice by an extremely small margin and am attempting to retake it later this month.
That is where the serious issues came about.
When i was in college i drank a lot and ate pooring and for some reason developed a fear that id have to go to the bathroom (#2) all the time. this lead me to have mild, mental panic attacks but eventually i got over them and just started to eat better and so forth. So i have a history of being "anxious". *I also HATE flying and the only way i make it through it with xanax my mom gives to me before i fly. What has developed with me over the last month or so is totally different.
For some reason i believe that i have masked my fear of not passing my exam by creating a new fear of having a heart attack or dropping dead. the funny thing is i honestly have never had any physical symptoms that would lead this to be true but for whatever reason i feel like my mind can talk myself into believing that instant death is coming. i read about symptons of a heart attacks and started to self monitor myself and eventually got to the point of convincing myself i was having one. two weeks ago i had a awful panic attack while driving which left me shaking, having a tight chest and almost paralyzed hands. It scared the living crap out of me and now my mind just cannot get off the fear of A) Actually dieing or B) having another panic attack. My mind in generally seems to work very oddly where I could be perfectly fine and then all the sudden convince myself that something awful is happening or about to happen.
I have been seeing a therapist bi-montly for over a year now for a variety of different things: break up with girl friend, having moved to a new city, etc. and it has helped me to cope with some unpleasant times in my life. I also have a wonderful family and great friends but for some reason i feel very isolated.
I recently went for a check up and was given an ekg which came back normal and a slightly higher than normal blood pressure which i can honestly associate with my anxiety of going to the doctors appointment and a stressful day at work. but i still fear something crazy will happen to me
i was perscribed celexa and xanax at my physical. the celexa has given me headaches and gag reflexies but i read that these side effects are common and only last a short while.
i guess my question is: does anyone relate to any of this lol and does anyone have any success stories to share about overcoming this almost addiction to creating intrusive negative thoughts?