Social Anxiety - Fear of eating in public..

[AmandaO]

Hi everyone,

I have just created a hello post in the new user thread but thought I would come here to hopefully chat to some of you further about the problems I have been experiencing.

I think my problem stemmed from a 60th birthday party (no, not my own lol) it was a work related meal where we went toa restaurant and all squished around one table.. i found myself looking over my shoulder for the majority of the time (obviously my brains way of telling me that I wasn't comfy and that I needed to get out of there.) Anyway, I told my self I was just being stupid and to get on with it, I have worked with people for over five years now and you know them all well so dont be daft and sit there and eat lunch with them. Anyway, I ordered what I wanted from the menu, the food arrived and I began eating (I'll just add I don't have bad table manners or anything to draw attention to myself) so whilst eating, I began the whole looking over the shoulder thing. Then I just couldn't lift the fork to my mouth. I felt this incerdible tightness in my upper arms and through my shoulders and this internal shake (the DREADED internal shake) and ever since this situation I have not been able to eat in public. I feel the situation sometimes arise when I'm with family etc but i give my self a firmer mental ticking off and manage to pull it together.

I think it spiralled more out of control and I border line lost the plot, crying, screaming at my partner that I hated him (all over a camping chair and a comment he made about my phone) I was either crying, shouting or just generally moping!! I spoke to a few ladies at work, almost like second mothers figures to me and they suggested that I wrote a list of things I felt and took it to the doctors - so I did. A whole side of A5 notepad and an appointment with my Doctor and she diagnosed me with depression and anxiety and prescribed me with some medication to try and help me. I've been taking the medication now for three weeks and I haven't had a bad depression day, still have the 'I can't be bothered, I'm lonely' thoughts and the downward spiral begins the minute my mind is not occupied - it's hard work trying to think of always having something to do! Friends had noticed a change in my behaviour, the ability to make even a simple decision on colour was a chore.

Anyway, back to the issue that is causing me the most grief the whole eating thing. Why, oh why can I not eat in a public place without getting the shakes like a leaf on a tree in a gale force wind. I'm not out going, but I am confident enough to get by. I have just received a promotion at work, a major pick me up! I did endure a work meal, my partner by my side and a very close work colleague on the other (and a bottle of rescue remedy in my bag!) and I did it. I ate my bread roll with my soup - I didn't try using the spoon as I didn't feel up to it. I managed the main and desert - MAJOR success but yet I am still haunted by this shaking. Whenever it happens I always address myself and say 'Hey, you did it before so come on you can do it now.' I'll just add here that I recently completed a 328ft abseil for charity and that didn't phase me in the slightest, even though I'm not keen on heights - picking up a knife and fork and eating.. woah there!!!

Sorry for waffling so much guys and girls, I just thought this is a prime opportunity to get things of my chest to people who are probably experiencing the same thing or something very similar.

Hope to hear some of your feedback and stories soon, thank you for reading,

Amanda

[AmandaO]

Hi Kev,

Thanks for your reply. I think the anxiety stemmed from being claustrophobic at the restaurant. Our chairs were squidged around this round table and i felt trapped. My bosses knife and fork were tapping the back of my hand, things were far to close for comfort. I can't imagine many people being comfortable in that situation. The thought now just sends shivers through me.

Do you have any tips on relaxing the stressed side when it starts peeking?
Thanks again Kevin.

[AmandaO]

Im a firm believer in the if you fall off a horse you have to get back on.

Thinking back to the day it happened i don't recall being emotionally or mentally stressed but i had been very poorly a few days prior. Perhaps my body was physically stressed from not taking time from life to recover from what was wrong. Like you said we miss the symptoms until they bite us on the backside! I'll certainly be listening to my body in future!

I'll try researching those techniques, thanks for suggesting them and then to seek my fear and not be afraid of it.

Its great to read that you conquered your anxiety :)

[wgb1]

Hi Amanda,

I'm sad to hear that you are suffering. I also have these anxieties about eating in public. I would describe my problem exactly as you did- when I feel self-conscious it feels like I just can't lift the fork to my mouth, somehow for a second it seems like an impossible task, and this causes more anxiety. I quite often eat simple food, like stuff you can pick up with your hands, to avoid getting these feelings when I think it might happen. For some reason that is easier.

Like you, it is so much worse in claustrophobic or more socially intense situations. Eating by myself is completely fine, and with family I have a higher threshold for the anxiety, although it is always in the back of my mind. It is problem for me (and you!) because eating with others is a big part of normal life, and avoiding it or being controlled by anxiety is not good. :(

I've found that exercise (~30 mins running) is the best way of getting rid of these feelings, and that works for about a day. Alchohol also reduces the anxiety a lot in the short term, but then its twice as bad the day after. Caffeine makes it worse for me which is also annoying because I like coffee and tea. Do you have any special tips or advice?!

Clint