Constantly Anxious

[timetochange]

I know this can probably be linked to another thread, but I wanted to post this in General Discussion in the hope that maybe someone will read this and give me some guidance. I didn't want the message just to slide under the radar and never to be seen!...

...Which I guess relates to how I have been feeling over these past few years. I feel as though I have been dragged through hell by my hair (and for some reason I've dug my claws in trying to stay there rather than run free). I'm 24, caring, pretty and have had an interesting life. I've spent the past few years working for a charity in South America and have worked hard at what I do to get promoted within the organisation. The problem is I am NEVER happy with anything I do. I guess I'm a perfectionist and unfortunately this makes it very hard to keep me happy and has lead to over working on the tiniest of tasks. Mentally, this has been exhausting and also (over the past year) has led me to feel very lonely. For some reason unknown to me, I'd rather spend my time working, reading or watching something interesting and informative online than being around people, which would be fine if it wasn't such a 180 turn around to who I seemed to be before.

Before, I craved to be around people. I was the life and soul of the party and had lots of friends. Now I just feel miserable, awkward and unapproachable around others and it's not really who I want to be. I see my other friends who still light up the room when they walk in and always wonder what went wrong with me?! I'm not sure if it's from living in another country for so long, but particularly with my English friends I find it so hard to form conversation and I feel like I'm the one that's weird...It leads me to feel so anxious in social situations...I can feel my heart racing as I constantly search for something 'interesting' to share with them....

Is there something anyone can advise to quieten my mind....? I'm sick of feeling as though I'm letting life pass me by all I want is to feel calm...

Thanks.

[tep2007]

Hi honey! Im sorry to hear this.. I had the same problem before.. I had social anxiety.. I know its a terrible feeling, but it goes away.. Trust me.. People have no idea how we feel wen we are around them.. Its all in our tired mind.. If you think about this it might give you more confidence.. Act how you wanna act.. Dont think about it.. Try to be more free.. Its not gonna be easy the first few times.. But it would get better and better each time and one day it will completely will go away ones for all.. Dont try to test yourself every 2 min about how you feel ( i used to do it) it will make you feel worst.. If you stop thinking about it one day you will realize its completely over.. Our mind works the way we train it.. Try your best to think positive and not loose hope.. I know what im saying.... Iv been suffering so badly.. U have no idea and i had absolutely no help..if i did you will do it too.. Xoxo

[Demon Cleaner]

I enjoyed reading your post believe it or not you are interesting not that you should dwell or make that a priority. From your writing you seem rather intelligent possibly a touch introverted which is a good thing. The whole worlds an (outgoing, in your face, life of the party extrovert) we don't need one more embrace who you are. When I read this post a couple of books came strongly to my mind. I'm not wise enough to advise anyone but from reading your questions I think the answers lie in philosophy. These are a few very short books that may give you a great perspective. "Think on These Things" by Krishnamurti, and "On the Shortness of Life" an essay by Seneca. Also, "Quiet" is a rather new book on the topic of introversion in modern society. You ask very profound questions the answers most likely won't be found on this board. Study the subject of "self knowledge or self understanding" you'll find answers. Also, unrealistic ideals are the best way to create a failure. Stop taking yourself so seriously no one else is haha just kidding. I guess i would say this change the things you can and accept the things you cannot change...it's a prayer but regardless of religion good advice

[dazza]

To original poster.

You're going through a change / phase I reckon.

Where once you were completely care-free, you would shine... but now you are somewhat shadowed with lifes worries / concerns / anxieties, which tends to strip us of our happy-go-lucky attributes.

In actual fact, this is partly a natural process of aging. We tend to get more grumpy as we age.
In your case, it is probably more your inner worries which are holding you back right now.

You've likely turned to perfectionism to impress yourself and others but this isn't necessary. By all means do a job well, but don't try to perfect it. Perfectionism is self torture.

You're probably also "growing up". A transitional stage where you realise life isn't so rosey and care-free after all.
This is absolutely natural. You'll likely suffer this for a few years but come out the other end with a "Ok, i'm fed up with worrying... so, fuck it" attitude, which will actually bring back some of the old you as you come to terms with various life aspects.

If I could summarise a single piece of advice for you right now, it would be to realise that you don't need to be perfect. In fact, others warm & gravitate more to imperfect people. Turn to realism, not perfectionism.

Smile. I bet you look gorgeous when you smile. :-)