Not real sure I have the energy to do what's being suggested...

[Enduronman]

Happy Sunday all!..

As the title line states, I'm not fully confident that I have the mental energy or stamina needed to get involved in another battle in the legal systems again. I was denied my SS disability because I am not 100% disabled and still have both legs, although sore and painful most of the time and literally useless to me in regards to what I do for a living. Chronic pain can kiss my ass! I never really empathized with people that would speak about extreme pain regularly until now. Now I understand them fully. Since January 2, 2006 I was involved in some sort of legal actions or battles within the courts of law here for a total of 3 years, and 9 months. All of the anticipation, apprehension, unknowns, and all of that time being in this legal system took its toll on me, my mind, my body. Out of 6 years, and 9 months, over half of it was some sort of f**kin trainwreck and I was fighting for or seeking to win something legally or by all means necessary. It sucked..it was a drag, a drain, and a slower then a f**kin slug pace and no faster then the speed of dark kinda process. Many of my friends and family are suggesting that I appeal the decision and hire another lawyer, but I quite honestly am not in the mood for yet another f**kin dispute at all. This particular process has been known to take up to 3 years to win..I don't think I have it in me to get re-involved in another mind game or battle of wit. I am thinking about it, but I just don't have the mentality and the physical strength needed anymore..and yes, I did win all of the other flusterkluck court cases but it cost much more then just $'s...I feel the true cost of them now.

yay

Enduronman.

[Buttercup]

It's hard to give advice and support to someone who is usually so full of wisdom when it comes to this sort of thing! I think you give some invaluable advice to people here and are excellent at giving support to others. But I guess now you need to focus on yourself- what advice would you give if this was posted by someone else? All I can say is that you seem like an incredibly strong individual who has been through a lot and you have managed to over come a lot and get through the other side. You can again and you will. You are a clever man and I have no doubt that what you decide to do will be the right decision, have faith in yourself because a lot of people here have faith in you.

[Enduronman]

an extremely powerful, symbolic, and a reply that literally has me frozen at this keyboard..it appears that the wisdom accumulated throughout my lifes lessons and the intense weight and pressures of them that I physically feel now daily, are in some odd way more useful to others then they are to myself and for some strange reason when I am trying to search my mind for possible answers, suggestions, advice for them..strangely,..my physical pain is forgotten for these brief periods of time. Focusing on myself is the hard part. Yes, I have been through just about everything at least once and even if it hurt like hell but it was somehow rewarding to my brain then I would do it again. Adrenaline junkie..I was incredibly strong and did manage to overcome everything in my life or any adversary that was ever faced, in any form. Its really hard to "see" how I can be that man again when I'm being crushed by an intense yet invisible force that surrounds my entire body, being, and mind. I too am trying soooo hard to keep faith in myself but I am also being overtaken and literally squeezed by an assailant in stealth..a torturous clamp made specifically for me and I am the one that designed it over my entire life.

Thank you member Buttercup..you have taken my mind to places that it needed to visit for itself.

E-man.

[Enduronman]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As8gVOUzLCc

E..

[lsapphirel]

I agree with buttercup, for a strong individual though, they sometimes need the most help. although i have no clue of what advice i could give, ima just say this though, MR E WAKE UP!!!! YOURE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ISLAND! LOL. sorry if that seems rude or not funny or whatever it is. oops. :P

[Enduronman]

The Enduronman of old was what I wished to dispell and remove from my life and mind, and I did. That's the exact problem as he would plow his way over everything and everyone in his path. When I "turned him off" is when this f**kin disease grabbed hold of me and began squeezing me like a midevil torture device. I must allow his return in order to attack this issue like I always had before but that means I will then live again in the "heightened anxiety state" from dawn to dark, day in and day out until the battle ends. I can tell you one thing that is true about this scenario, I will have NO pain during this re-entry, re-birth, reincarnated E-Man because the adrenals will be back in action and my body understands those chemicals in great abundance..That is fact. When I go into a 'delusional psychosis' for that short periods of time, I feel NOTHING..hmm.

This is going to be tough to call.

E-Man.