Jereca
09-28-2012, 03:19 PM
So I decided that i would start to write a few things down here just to keep myself busy throughout the day... sorry for grammar punctuation and so on... My life is well very interesting... living day to day seems to get harder and harder the beggining of september is the first time i have ever been on meds in my whole 21 years... i dont really know what to say about how im feeling with them ill just explain a bit how my day goes and my constant worries... I get up at 5 am to see my boyfriend off to work the getting up early doesnt bother me if i get enough sleep... after he leaves i try to go back to sleep until our son wakes up but that doesnt work because my mind is constantly running with absurd thoughts. such as my boyfriend getting into a car wreck fallin asleep driving running out of gas even tho i know that the tank is full. so i dont end up fallin asleep and by the time my son wakes up im in a mini panic attack about all that... i spend the day playing and teaching my son im a stay at home mom... he doesnt cause me anxitey its things that can happen to him that do.. for example i fear daily that where i live will catch fire and i will have to escape with my son safetly that is the most scariest thing i deal with daily. after i cook i have to stand by the oven or stove until the cool because fear of fire. I seem to obbsess over everything! The day carries on and around 4 my boyfriend gets off work. we spend some time together have dinner and bath time. If we do go anywhere like the store or friends house i have to check everything at least 5 times the oven, stove make sure all the windows are shut and locked. ill ask him if he has the keys at least 3 times and i wont leave the house untill he shows me the keys so i know he has them. and then when we are out the door i have to check the door a few times to make sure it is locked and shut tight our door opens if it isnt latched right ... and by the time im at the car getting ready to leave im in another panic attack of all those things.. and on top of it all i have to go back to the door to check if one last time to make sure its locked.... when we get to where we are going im pouring sweat and my heart is almost beating out of my chest. we get home and spend some more time together and then its bed time. when i lay down for bed i find myself laying there for hours and just thinking about all these terrible things that could happen to me or my family i dont know why this is but its an obbsession to me i just cant seem to relax when i need to i feel like i constantly need to check things and rechck things to make sure we are safe. whew that was alot to type.. like i said i was prescribe prozac buspar atarax and trazdone in the beggining of september the trazodone used for sleep doesnt work and the atarax hydroxyzine generic does nothing either the prozac ansd buspar well i didnt think they werew helping either but i skipped a day and definately regretted that i couldnt stop shaking and my heart raced all day but when i do take them im still very anxious and obsess over things i really dont know whats going on with myself im new to all these meds and getting used to something my psychiatriast said she doesnt like to prescribe pills that bring you down right away from panic attacks because there not healthy well thats what i feel like i need i jsut want to have a clear mind and a easy to live life without worrying about all these things...