is it normal?

[lsapphirel]

First of, to start with, I have my first Panic Attack on 25 July 2012. A month later i was put on a weekly CBT. Earlier today i had my seventh session.
My medical officer have always been well ok i guess, he listens except for times when he dismiss things that i found useful for me, today he seems a little moody.

He asked how was my panic and when i say it was the same, and that i went into the A&E and then he asked if i had done my breathing practice and i said no.
And he started to get angry saying that i will not get any better and not going anywhere if i dont get my breathing technique to perfection.
He keeps saying that he only has 1 hour each week for me and honestly, i feel a little pressurized for the first time being in that office.

It seems to me he expects improvements every week. this just wont work for me, because i am supposed to feel relaxed. It seems to me that i am wasting his time as he keeps fiddling and texting and looking at his watch. i mean seriously? and i still remember that he told me the first time i met him, people dont tend to finish their sessions as they think they are better. i begin to wonder now why they dont finish their sessions.

He asked why i rather come to the hospital and then just do my breathing technique, i said, my attack was on the high, and i dont think anything other than my meds and my safe place would ease it down. that day i called the ambulance, i had an almost full blown, my legs went jelly on me. it was at 90-95% of PA, my first reaction when my PA is on the rise is i walk. and when i couldnt, i freaked out.

I know what it was, but i still wanted to go to the hospital, i wasnt given any meds either when i get there, i had my ecg and i just sat there to wait for the anxiety to ease, it eases in about 30 or 45 mins or so, but i still couldnt get my jelly legs to walk, i still tumble when i tried to walk. 4 hours later, i finally could walk, slowly.

Yes, i know i have the avoidance behaviour, but without the avoidance behaviour, i would not have felt better. i avoided places and foods and lots of other stuffs, but now, i could eat, do and face the stuffs i avoided without any fear or triggers. that is very important to me, the fears, i need to have the fears off me to get ready to face it.

I made a mistake when i was trying to drag myself off my bed, and that is to feed fear with fear. meaning, i dragged myself out of bed, because i fear of the stuffs that might happen when i am alone. this has also helped me get over the toilet fear, i was terrified to bathe and i wouldnt head out and get out of my bed out of fear. that was my mistake and i had no one at that time, not even this forum. and the docs will not accept a fast appt.

But i learnt from there, thats when i started to have notes, eliminate the foods and drinks and news and stuffs, but today, i manage to get hold of myself to many things, fears. i still do however, struggle with the issue of being alone. I know i need to find a way to fix this but breathing technique doesnt help me at all, all it does is makes me sensitive to my heartbeats and breathing. it just wasnt working. but my CBT medical officer doesnt get what im trying to tell him. omg, i really dont know if i should go for his sessions again, i really dont like the way i felt today.

Can someone just give me an opinion on this? This was like 7 hours ago and im still thinking about it. he just basically destroyed my day. :(

[jhunter89]

I had my first panic attack the day before you lol! Is it possible to switch doctors? I don't think you are going to get the help you need from this one... He sounds like an ass hole!!

[pawlowski187]

Yes deffinatly get a new doctor . I would also express your concerns about your doctor now to the office or someone oboe him ... So not fair to you, and isn't going to help u with panic whatsoever .... Sorry you had to deal with that

[lsapphirel]

jhunter ~ Omg jhunter, i had mine at 5:40am Singapore time. which means, youre a day behind me, which means we prolly have it at the same time lol. if im right. Its today he started to be like this, i was shocked!

paw ~ I didnt think anyone would believe me vs him lol.

after the session, i normally would feel much relieved, but today, i find myself walking around non stop thinking whether its me or its him. but he has all the certs, i dont, guess its me then.

[jhunter89]

I had mine between 2.30-3 pm GMT lol. Perhaps your doc was having a bad day, but it's very unprofessional to get angry at a patient, especially one with a nervous disposition!
Hope you shake off your crappy feeling soon x

[lsapphirel]

I thought maybe hes having a bad day too. oh well. Its 11:10 pm now, bedtime soon. Thanks for the company lol.

[jhunter89]

No probs. Sleep well!

[Buttercup]

While his attitude may suck he does have a point about the breathing exercises. If you are not doing what he recommends then I can understand why he is feeling a bit annoyed. Just trying out the breathing techniques when you have an attack will do nothing, you have to practice them regularly when you are not having panic attacks. he will view it like this- he is spending an hour with you and giving you recommendations on what to do but you are not doing them. therefore in his mind that hour would be better spent with someone who is willing to religiously practice these techniques in order to get a better handle on the attacks. Furthermore he may be pissed because instead of using his techniques you are calling an ambulance which could be used for someone who is actually about to die, not just someone who thinks they are. But regardless of his thoughts he should be supporting you. He is obviously of the train of thought that all can be cured by breathing exercises which, in my opinion, is a load of crap (for me anyway but I know they can help others). These exercises will do bugger all if you do not get to the root of your anxiety first and manage to get into a good frame of mind to be able to practice them and even then trying out breathing techniques when you are in full panic mode almost never works!
I don't mean to sound harsh but if you view it from his point of view you can maybe see why he is frustrated and that the problem is him and not you. he should never be angry with a patient for being unable or unwilling to try his techniques- he should be supporting you to find other methods or referring you to someone else. Just because he has certificates and his methods have worked for some people does not mean they will work for everyone. i saw a few CBT professionals in the past and I got to the point that if another one told me to work on my breathing I was going to smack them in the face, lol. Luckily I found a wonderful psychotherapist who never once mentioned breathing :). Also taking beta blockers has helped me a great deal as they reduce adrenaline thus reducing heart rate, sweating, shaking etc. have you thought about going on medication?

[lsapphirel]

buttercup ~ I honestly dont see a point in the breathing technique, its just making me conscious of my heartbeat and breathing. In all honesty, please tell me in a matter of seconds when it is high on Panic Attack, would breathing or in fact anything be on your mind other than wanting to be in a safe place or wanting a doctor? for me, my safe place is the hospital.

Mine that day came real fast, it was about to be full blown, i can feel the rush in my body. I know it was selfish, but i dont know what to do, theres only my sick child and helper at home.
CBT sessions till today is about the breathing and the notes i was asked to write, now the notes are helpful, it makes me read back and see what is the situations and stuffs going on.

I just dont want to have the pressure, its stressing me out and im having my menses and my anxiety is on the high, but he wont listen! he also believes i have a trauma the same month i had my PA. :/ i dont have any that i can recall. i said it could be possible that everything builds up and im getting a hit now, he said no. so i really dont know. it was stressful sitting there. :(

I dont want to be dependent on meds. I have lorazepam and i havent touched them in weeks. I am terrified of meds. I will take them only when im at the hospital or when im being forced by my hubby.

I still have my witching hours, but they come and go. i need to check my hormones and adrenal thingy and thyroid or something like that. but its hard because they have appointments like weeks later and i need to check now. grrrr.

[alankay]

Well I can tell you. Some will benefit from deep breathing, progressive relaxation, exercise, CBT, etc, herbals, but not all and not to the same extent. Each patient will be unique in what mix helps them the most. Docs will always encourage these non med techniques before going down the med trail but often, meds are need to some extent. They just like to try other things first, although unfortunately the patient may suffer some.........to try and not be the pill dispensing machines good medicine doesn't really want them to be.
If your doc is not helping you after significant suffering despite trying all he asks..........find another quickly. Just remember, meds are only part of the treament...not all of it. Alankay.

[lsapphirel]

Alan, the medical officer of my CBT session says that i am not cooperating and that breathing is key to recovery, i dont like doing breathing, its just not working for me. He wants me to do this ~ breathe.. in 1.. 2.. 3.. pause breathe.. out 1.. 2.. 3.. pause and repeat 5x and do this 3x a day. by the end of it, i get breathless, dizzy and i can feel my heartbeat. He said im lazy and taking shortcuts, i just walk away from my panic all the time, but it helps me when i walk vs breathing.

[alankay]

Yes do your practice and give it a fair trial. All these things can help but each case must be judged individually. But deep breathing should never be considered the sole treatment for anxiety but only a part of treatment tailored to the individual. Can you find another/switch case managers? ALankay

[lsapphirel]

forwells ~ thank you! well, i just posted a new thread on the breathing part, but i'll just type away. I am not at all relaxed when im learning to breathe. its more like a tense thing for me. even when i gave birth to my kids, i dont do the breathe thingy, i feel suffocated. at this point, all i can think of is, its obvious that here in Singapore, anxiety disorder will never be treated right. i havent tried other hospitals, a little unfair for that statement, but after so many visits to the docs, i just lost hope.

alan ~ i can still hear my medical officers voice loud and clear "if you dont do your breathing practice, and make it your 2nd nature, you will not be be able to get past the anxiety". My CBT sessions is only about the breathing and the notes when i have my attacks. and on my seventh session, dont know what CBT session should consist of.