lsapphirel
09-24-2012, 07:22 AM
First of, to start with, I have my first Panic Attack on 25 July 2012. A month later i was put on a weekly CBT. Earlier today i had my seventh session.
My medical officer have always been well ok i guess, he listens except for times when he dismiss things that i found useful for me, today he seems a little moody.
He asked how was my panic and when i say it was the same, and that i went into the A&E and then he asked if i had done my breathing practice and i said no.
And he started to get angry saying that i will not get any better and not going anywhere if i dont get my breathing technique to perfection.
He keeps saying that he only has 1 hour each week for me and honestly, i feel a little pressurized for the first time being in that office.
It seems to me he expects improvements every week. this just wont work for me, because i am supposed to feel relaxed. It seems to me that i am wasting his time as he keeps fiddling and texting and looking at his watch. i mean seriously? and i still remember that he told me the first time i met him, people dont tend to finish their sessions as they think they are better. i begin to wonder now why they dont finish their sessions.
He asked why i rather come to the hospital and then just do my breathing technique, i said, my attack was on the high, and i dont think anything other than my meds and my safe place would ease it down. that day i called the ambulance, i had an almost full blown, my legs went jelly on me. it was at 90-95% of PA, my first reaction when my PA is on the rise is i walk. and when i couldnt, i freaked out.
I know what it was, but i still wanted to go to the hospital, i wasnt given any meds either when i get there, i had my ecg and i just sat there to wait for the anxiety to ease, it eases in about 30 or 45 mins or so, but i still couldnt get my jelly legs to walk, i still tumble when i tried to walk. 4 hours later, i finally could walk, slowly.
Yes, i know i have the avoidance behaviour, but without the avoidance behaviour, i would not have felt better. i avoided places and foods and lots of other stuffs, but now, i could eat, do and face the stuffs i avoided without any fear or triggers. that is very important to me, the fears, i need to have the fears off me to get ready to face it.
I made a mistake when i was trying to drag myself off my bed, and that is to feed fear with fear. meaning, i dragged myself out of bed, because i fear of the stuffs that might happen when i am alone. this has also helped me get over the toilet fear, i was terrified to bathe and i wouldnt head out and get out of my bed out of fear. that was my mistake and i had no one at that time, not even this forum. and the docs will not accept a fast appt.
But i learnt from there, thats when i started to have notes, eliminate the foods and drinks and news and stuffs, but today, i manage to get hold of myself to many things, fears. i still do however, struggle with the issue of being alone. I know i need to find a way to fix this but breathing technique doesnt help me at all, all it does is makes me sensitive to my heartbeats and breathing. it just wasnt working. but my CBT medical officer doesnt get what im trying to tell him. omg, i really dont know if i should go for his sessions again, i really dont like the way i felt today.
Can someone just give me an opinion on this? This was like 7 hours ago and im still thinking about it. he just basically destroyed my day. :(
My medical officer have always been well ok i guess, he listens except for times when he dismiss things that i found useful for me, today he seems a little moody.
He asked how was my panic and when i say it was the same, and that i went into the A&E and then he asked if i had done my breathing practice and i said no.
And he started to get angry saying that i will not get any better and not going anywhere if i dont get my breathing technique to perfection.
He keeps saying that he only has 1 hour each week for me and honestly, i feel a little pressurized for the first time being in that office.
It seems to me he expects improvements every week. this just wont work for me, because i am supposed to feel relaxed. It seems to me that i am wasting his time as he keeps fiddling and texting and looking at his watch. i mean seriously? and i still remember that he told me the first time i met him, people dont tend to finish their sessions as they think they are better. i begin to wonder now why they dont finish their sessions.
He asked why i rather come to the hospital and then just do my breathing technique, i said, my attack was on the high, and i dont think anything other than my meds and my safe place would ease it down. that day i called the ambulance, i had an almost full blown, my legs went jelly on me. it was at 90-95% of PA, my first reaction when my PA is on the rise is i walk. and when i couldnt, i freaked out.
I know what it was, but i still wanted to go to the hospital, i wasnt given any meds either when i get there, i had my ecg and i just sat there to wait for the anxiety to ease, it eases in about 30 or 45 mins or so, but i still couldnt get my jelly legs to walk, i still tumble when i tried to walk. 4 hours later, i finally could walk, slowly.
Yes, i know i have the avoidance behaviour, but without the avoidance behaviour, i would not have felt better. i avoided places and foods and lots of other stuffs, but now, i could eat, do and face the stuffs i avoided without any fear or triggers. that is very important to me, the fears, i need to have the fears off me to get ready to face it.
I made a mistake when i was trying to drag myself off my bed, and that is to feed fear with fear. meaning, i dragged myself out of bed, because i fear of the stuffs that might happen when i am alone. this has also helped me get over the toilet fear, i was terrified to bathe and i wouldnt head out and get out of my bed out of fear. that was my mistake and i had no one at that time, not even this forum. and the docs will not accept a fast appt.
But i learnt from there, thats when i started to have notes, eliminate the foods and drinks and news and stuffs, but today, i manage to get hold of myself to many things, fears. i still do however, struggle with the issue of being alone. I know i need to find a way to fix this but breathing technique doesnt help me at all, all it does is makes me sensitive to my heartbeats and breathing. it just wasnt working. but my CBT medical officer doesnt get what im trying to tell him. omg, i really dont know if i should go for his sessions again, i really dont like the way i felt today.
Can someone just give me an opinion on this? This was like 7 hours ago and im still thinking about it. he just basically destroyed my day. :(