Uuuuugggghhhh

[shumann]

Went to the dr again yesterday! I can't tell you how many times I've been to one this year. Last Time I called to make an appointment they just asked me if I started my meds yet and to give them 2 weeks. I need to stop this because it's cost a lot! I can't help but play in my head what he told me in his office and over analyze everything and pretty much rediagnose me with something else or think what he told me cant be right. I'm trying to tell myself that it's just my mind playing tricks with me but once I finally convince myself of that a little while later that little "what if" voice starts playing in my head! How can I silence that voice and live like a normal person?

[DragonLilly]

Hey Shumann,

If you are from Australia you may be able to get Centrelink to help you out with doctor fees. I can let you know more if you are, so let me know.

I personally am always at the doctors. I feel the need to clear my mind on things because I am never sure if I am sick or my anxiety is making me ill. It annoys my doctor at times but I think it helps me cope, so I guess they will have to put up with me. ^^
So don't think your abnormal. I think it's good you take the effort to look after yourself, some people with anxiety and depression don't look after themselves at all and end up in hospital. I know, I used to be one of them.
Oh and that 'what if' voice is just you questioning yourself. You possibly have low self-esteem or a lack of trust in yourself. There are self-talk methods that can teach you how to change how you speak to yourself in a healthy, productive way. It takes time and a bit of work but it does work over a period of time. You can ask your doctor (if your not sick of them already!) or a councilor about ways to do this. There are also tips online that may help.

Good luck! ^^

[shumann]

Thanks for replying I didn't even know anyone did. I live in the US. I have health insurance but every time I go to the dr it cost me 30 and on top of that when I go to the ER it cost a lot more. I have always had low self esteem and question everything. I have health anxiety along with SAD. :( everyday is a struggle now. I just want to go back to a couple of years ago when I wasn't dealing with any of this.

[AceParadox]

You sound kind of like me. My health-related anxiety, and well, almost ALL of my anxiety originated AFTER I had surgery for my appendix in June this year. For a month, I had this ache in my side, I started to freak when it stayed for more than a week and started looking into what it might be. I came up with kidney disease (WAAY overdid the "self diagnosis"). I freaked and went to the doctor like 4 times, after they did a CAT scan (I think thats what it was.) they found that my appendix was enlarged.

So while I was happily playing a video game, feeling actually better and normal for the first time in a month, I get a call on my cell phone saying I need to get to an emergency room ASAP and they have a surgeon on stand-by. I was so in shock I was just like "Oh...ok" and at first I didn't feel so scared, I was actually relieved to see it wasn't kidney disease like I thought.

Long story short-er... It wasn't until I saw the bills did anxiety first show its ugly face. I was covered on health insurance but only 80%. I am thankful for that but I still owed the hospital $2000 plus $300 to the anesthesiologist and a couple hundred to the doctor for office visits. I was able to get financial assistance through the hospitals "Partners Care Program" which helped guys like me with no job and almost non existant income with medical expenses. So I guess that's $2000 out of the way but still I have no way of paying off the rest until I get a job. Anxiety is not as bad as it was though.... but I still freak out a bit over health stuff... It's not fun, but I always tell myself when that "what if it's this?" runs through my head, I say "Bullshit. I'm fine. I'm a grown man, and look at me worrying like a child, I have to be strong. This is probably nothing." and it goes away after a bit.

You have to ignore that voice as best you can. It's just your mind (More specifically; Anxiety) trying to scare the crap out of you. "What if" is it's favorite words. It'll take some practice but you CAN control it. I used to wanna go back to how I was a few years ago too, but now I realize that anxiety has actually helped me. I've gotten rid of my video game addiction, I've kicked soda out of my life (6-12 cans a day drinker), I stopped smoking weed. I've reconnected with old friends, I'm beginning to come out of my shell again, and what's better? My anxiety is starting to fade away now that I'm changing. Which leads me to believe what a fellow member on this forum has said, "Anxiety is just your body's way of saying you need change".

You can beat this. No worries. Keep your head high. ANd apologies for the block of text, once I get my mind on something, I just type till it's out haha.

[shumann]

Thanks I keep trying to tell myself that its all anxiety. Today is really hard tho.i find myself sipping on chamomile tea listening to meditation recordings all the time now. It's like my mind is on auto pilot and I'm just a long for the ride. I hate rainy days! I can't sit here. I was able to talk myself out of a panic attack earlier tho :) guess its one step at a time.