visheee15
09-19-2012, 01:23 PM
Hi I have completely changed since a bad experience with LSD. I was perfectly normal prior to this experience, I was an extremely self aware person and loved life and enjoyed it to the fullest, maybe a lil more than I should have. Now I am paying the consequences of it.
After this bad drug experience, I formed some sort of anxiety, then along with it life got more tougher to deal with, I got lazy and while in college I got in trouble for smoking pot and this led me to getting suspended. My anxiety at the time was very bad and consequently I fell into depression because of all the things happening in my life. By this time I felt totally different, the way I behaved, my interactions with people, everything seemed negative and I would have episodes where I just didn't even know how to speak to people. Whereas I had always been a talkative confident of what to say kind of person. It was horrible and this led me to distance myself from everyone except from my family and girl. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, all I knew was that I was a useless person.
I started just giving up on everything from there. I just didn't want to face people in fear that I wouldn't know what to say to them or how to react properly to sitations, I mean I didn't even feel like I was smiling for real at them. And I didn't know when to laugh and stuff, it was so awkward and people I talked to reacted to me so differently from how I had been. Please tell me if this is anxiety or some for of illness.
This happened to me around two years ago, I have stopped smoking pot around 5 months back and I seem to be getting better as in my confidence is developing but very slowly and my interaction skills seem smoother but not good. I still feel nervous for the slightest things,Iike when my girlfriend is in a bad mood I also feel upset instead of just standing up for her and making her feel good. This is the worst part because I always loved making her feel better as she would he into her random moods, it made her love me alot. I really miss the me I used to be in that perspective. Now I am awaiting my recovery, awaiting the day that everything will be back to normal, but I don't know when or how it will happen. I have already started on life with doing piloting and I hope to finish it successfully, but in the midst I this I hate some days because of this mood disorder. The other day I tried to flirt with a girl because I was curious about my confidence and I got stuck talking to her out of nervousness. I mean this is just horrible to me, I don't know why the fuck I have to go through this or why it won't heal like a wound should. I requested my doctor for some anti-anxiety medication today because now I'm desperate to get better. My dad has told me that the meds should work, because I'm so arrogant about taking meds. I just want my confidence and my motivation to drive ahead, because I feel like I don't know who I am or what the fuck I'm doin without it. I really need help. I have no friends now and I look at my other friends feeling bad for myslef seeing what they have accomplished and stuff. I never used to be like this, always felt happy for people. Always put them ahead of me. I know drugs fucked me up but I want another chance to take over myself and do things right this time. I am 21 years old now. Please help me with you thoughts and please tell me how I can overcome this. I would love it if an already healed person could give me an insight about this situation. I just want to feel normal again with my normal emotions. I would give anything for it.
Thank you
After this bad drug experience, I formed some sort of anxiety, then along with it life got more tougher to deal with, I got lazy and while in college I got in trouble for smoking pot and this led me to getting suspended. My anxiety at the time was very bad and consequently I fell into depression because of all the things happening in my life. By this time I felt totally different, the way I behaved, my interactions with people, everything seemed negative and I would have episodes where I just didn't even know how to speak to people. Whereas I had always been a talkative confident of what to say kind of person. It was horrible and this led me to distance myself from everyone except from my family and girl. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, all I knew was that I was a useless person.
I started just giving up on everything from there. I just didn't want to face people in fear that I wouldn't know what to say to them or how to react properly to sitations, I mean I didn't even feel like I was smiling for real at them. And I didn't know when to laugh and stuff, it was so awkward and people I talked to reacted to me so differently from how I had been. Please tell me if this is anxiety or some for of illness.
This happened to me around two years ago, I have stopped smoking pot around 5 months back and I seem to be getting better as in my confidence is developing but very slowly and my interaction skills seem smoother but not good. I still feel nervous for the slightest things,Iike when my girlfriend is in a bad mood I also feel upset instead of just standing up for her and making her feel good. This is the worst part because I always loved making her feel better as she would he into her random moods, it made her love me alot. I really miss the me I used to be in that perspective. Now I am awaiting my recovery, awaiting the day that everything will be back to normal, but I don't know when or how it will happen. I have already started on life with doing piloting and I hope to finish it successfully, but in the midst I this I hate some days because of this mood disorder. The other day I tried to flirt with a girl because I was curious about my confidence and I got stuck talking to her out of nervousness. I mean this is just horrible to me, I don't know why the fuck I have to go through this or why it won't heal like a wound should. I requested my doctor for some anti-anxiety medication today because now I'm desperate to get better. My dad has told me that the meds should work, because I'm so arrogant about taking meds. I just want my confidence and my motivation to drive ahead, because I feel like I don't know who I am or what the fuck I'm doin without it. I really need help. I have no friends now and I look at my other friends feeling bad for myslef seeing what they have accomplished and stuff. I never used to be like this, always felt happy for people. Always put them ahead of me. I know drugs fucked me up but I want another chance to take over myself and do things right this time. I am 21 years old now. Please help me with you thoughts and please tell me how I can overcome this. I would love it if an already healed person could give me an insight about this situation. I just want to feel normal again with my normal emotions. I would give anything for it.
Thank you