A change of self and in need of help.

[visheee15]

Hi I have completely changed since a bad experience with LSD. I was perfectly normal prior to this experience, I was an extremely self aware person and loved life and enjoyed it to the fullest, maybe a lil more than I should have. Now I am paying the consequences of it.
After this bad drug experience, I formed some sort of anxiety, then along with it life got more tougher to deal with, I got lazy and while in college I got in trouble for smoking pot and this led me to getting suspended. My anxiety at the time was very bad and consequently I fell into depression because of all the things happening in my life. By this time I felt totally different, the way I behaved, my interactions with people, everything seemed negative and I would have episodes where I just didn't even know how to speak to people. Whereas I had always been a talkative confident of what to say kind of person. It was horrible and this led me to distance myself from everyone except from my family and girl. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, all I knew was that I was a useless person.
I started just giving up on everything from there. I just didn't want to face people in fear that I wouldn't know what to say to them or how to react properly to sitations, I mean I didn't even feel like I was smiling for real at them. And I didn't know when to laugh and stuff, it was so awkward and people I talked to reacted to me so differently from how I had been. Please tell me if this is anxiety or some for of illness.
This happened to me around two years ago, I have stopped smoking pot around 5 months back and I seem to be getting better as in my confidence is developing but very slowly and my interaction skills seem smoother but not good. I still feel nervous for the slightest things,Iike when my girlfriend is in a bad mood I also feel upset instead of just standing up for her and making her feel good. This is the worst part because I always loved making her feel better as she would he into her random moods, it made her love me alot. I really miss the me I used to be in that perspective. Now I am awaiting my recovery, awaiting the day that everything will be back to normal, but I don't know when or how it will happen. I have already started on life with doing piloting and I hope to finish it successfully, but in the midst I this I hate some days because of this mood disorder. The other day I tried to flirt with a girl because I was curious about my confidence and I got stuck talking to her out of nervousness. I mean this is just horrible to me, I don't know why the fuck I have to go through this or why it won't heal like a wound should. I requested my doctor for some anti-anxiety medication today because now I'm desperate to get better. My dad has told me that the meds should work, because I'm so arrogant about taking meds. I just want my confidence and my motivation to drive ahead, because I feel like I don't know who I am or what the fuck I'm doin without it. I really need help. I have no friends now and I look at my other friends feeling bad for myslef seeing what they have accomplished and stuff. I never used to be like this, always felt happy for people. Always put them ahead of me. I know drugs fucked me up but I want another chance to take over myself and do things right this time. I am 21 years old now. Please help me with you thoughts and please tell me how I can overcome this. I would love it if an already healed person could give me an insight about this situation. I just want to feel normal again with my normal emotions. I would give anything for it.
Thank you

[trinidiva]

Listen, you are still very young with a lot of life ahead of you!!! Don't concentrate on what others have in their life, or what accomplishments they have axhieved, we are all different and we don't all work on the same time length...just meaning, just because someone has something now, doesn't mean you can't achieve it next year or the year after that.
Don't be worried about taking the meds, give it a try, if you do not like them,you can always stop them. Perhaps try talking to a therapist....sometimes they can give you some good coping skills, or how to work on social anxieties you might have.

Main thing is, don't give up on yourself. You can get better if you work at it. I don't think you will find anyone on here who is completely cured, but we are all in various stages of recovery.....it's a lot of work, every day. I'm pretty sure most of us still have our tough days and our days of triumph over anxiety. One thing I can say for sure though, there a ton of great people on here who really understand what you are going through and try to help as much as they can!!!!

[visheee15]

I have alot of hope for the future mainly about getting over this anxiety thing. It is what keeps me alive everyday, knowing ill be back to me. THe shitty thing is that i still have to go through everyday thinking about this and not anything else, which is really annoying. REeading has helped me and i tried jogging but im just so lazy for it. Ive been told by a friend that im feeling this was because im going through a change in life and i just have to find the new me. I dunno i guess im just blabbering out here cus i need someone to talk to, to make myself feel better.
So it is not possible for this to be completely cured and to go everyday without thinking about it or without getting nervous over small things? Cus thats what normal is i think as i remember, the good days are fading away too from my memory.. :(

[raggamuffin]

Maybe speak to a doctor about starting CBT to help you deal with how you've been feeling recently and how the negative thoughts are overwhelming you and causing anxiety etc. I'm starting CBT myself very soon. I can relate to what you're saying though. I smoked weed for 5 years and in the end it caused a lot of anxiety and panic attacks as well as paranoia. I also experimented with many drugs over a couple of years. My experience of LSD wasn't negative, but in general I stopped experimenting with drugs because I didn't want it to turn into a lifestyle habit like smoking weed had become.

It's best to nip anxiety in the bud as soon as possible. I've been experiencing anxiety for a long time but i've been affected physically by daily symptoms and pains etc for about a year and a half. It should be addressed as soon as you can to prevent it from escalating further. Unfortunately there is no realy quick fix for anxiety, but given time you should start to feel better.

Distraction is a very sound method of helping you to stop feeling anxious but it only lasts so long. Then when you start feeling anxious you get over-whelmed by irrational and destructive ways of thinking which feed off your worries and over-active imagination etc. So CBT will help break down the thought processes you have when you feel anxious or scared etc and help install ways of thinking completly differently to prevent you from getting more worked up and stuck in a vicious cycle of worry and anxiety and symptoms etc.

Ed