anonymous7
09-16-2012, 03:16 PM
Anxeity has plagued me since my early teens. I had my first panic attack when I was 13 years old, I felt as though I was going to die, I was so scared. The next 16 months following that fateful day I spent more time in the emergency room than I think people have spent in their entire life, I also was going to the doctors for every anxeity symptom that i experienced, and there was alot of them haha, more than 20 I think and that's alot.I had a heart scan, like those scans you get when someone is pregant with the gel so you can see how ur heart is pumping on the monitor and everything was fine, that gave me alot of reassurance, and I went to also went to a childrens therapist. Anyway.. I was young and I eventually started going to school(was away for 7-8 months straight) eating properly, getting alot of exercise through out the summer and having fun and eventually I forgot everything about what panic and anxeity attacks was.
In my later teens 16+ I started smoking alot of weed, drinking an insane amount of alcohol and being very stressed for a few years until I finaly one day had a big fat PANIC attack yet again, this one just as frightening as the first one. After that I started having alot of panic attacks everyday and I ended locking myself in my room for little over a year, developing a serious degree of daily anxeity and eating little to nothing, playing video games was the only thing I did, because after a while of lying in bed and doing nothing for first month I got super bored and that just made me focus more on anxeity and so on. Now to make the story short I started reading about anxeity and so on, borrowed a anxeity package from a friend, got some courage back, and I just back to colleuge officially dropped out and joined another colleuge and started all over again, and has been better and better ever since. but latley i've been going down and down and down.. feeling very stressed over random stuff and drinking alot and feeling even more shit about myself, until today.
I looked myself in my mirror, only to see a skeleton looking back at me, anxeity has really withered me to nothing I used to have so much more muscle and fat(was going to the gym 4 times a week, and was pretty serious about it for 1,5 year) And I thought to myself, why do I keep rewarding my anxeity, I keep fueling it with daily thoughts, and fear. Whilst thinking this I found myself doing the "thinker" pose while taking a dump in the toilet :) I started randomly laughing because I do my very best thinking while taking a dump haha :). I started laying out all the facts: Im skinny as hell, I feel very unhappy 80% of the time, Im barley keeping up in school, and anxeity is seriously limiting my potential. I know if I get down to the gym to work out I have the drive and the motivation to get that great body. Im a very smart student, I can easily get the grades I deserve. In my social life im a very funny guy and I like to head to any event etc because it takes my mind off anxeity but it happens that I sometimes dont go to places I want to go or travel out of my country etc and its not because I don't want to or something like that it's becuase the anxeity is dictating to me what I should and shouldn't do.
And I thought to myself why? why should I be a prisoner under this spell..... A prisoner under my own thoughts. Nobody lives forever, and there's so much I want to do .. I want to start boxing and going to the gym. I want to get a part time job on the side, so I can finaly afford a iphone and more expensive clothes. I want to travel, I want to feel pain, I want to laugh, I want to ........ live! And after thinking all of this I started to not fear anxeity anymore, my globus hystericus which I had had all day suddenly stopped bothering me, and after that it faded away, slowly slowly, I felt better and better and better until I reached some kind of peak in my happiness scale. Now no matter what hits me it cant bring or break me down. Tommorow Im having an all activity day in colleuge and all weekend while beeing with friends etc I was thinking about what if I have a big panic attack while jogging in the woods(jogging is the activity). But now I no longer care, and I cant help but smile. So what if it hits me il just soldier on and not give in to it. And also I will book an appointment with a pro psychiatrist so I have someone to talk to weekly, at better times and at worse times. I hope this was a good read and gave someone insparation, because I sure feel inspired right now. Im not just going to try to get changed, im going to change damn it! By acting as a non anxious person will i eventually become one is my way of going about it. I vow that from this day on I will never read about anything related with anxeity or comeback to this forum to read the answers you post back. Im also going to completely stop drinking, and start exercising and doing the stuff I want to do in my life without any hesitation at all, this is my promise to you guys.
Now that im done with this post, im thinking to myself how im going to keep this promise.. I mean I want to comeback here to read all your wonderful replies(I hope they are all good). But I guess I have to go about it as im going about my anxeity, I have to just let it go. I don't need to come back here to get reassurance, or to get feedback, this post was just made to get some thoughts of my chest, and to give someone inspiration. Now all that is left is just for me to live my new found way of life, its going to be hard and painful but im going to do it. Thanks for everything and bye I hope the best for each and everyone of you, in this forum!
In my later teens 16+ I started smoking alot of weed, drinking an insane amount of alcohol and being very stressed for a few years until I finaly one day had a big fat PANIC attack yet again, this one just as frightening as the first one. After that I started having alot of panic attacks everyday and I ended locking myself in my room for little over a year, developing a serious degree of daily anxeity and eating little to nothing, playing video games was the only thing I did, because after a while of lying in bed and doing nothing for first month I got super bored and that just made me focus more on anxeity and so on. Now to make the story short I started reading about anxeity and so on, borrowed a anxeity package from a friend, got some courage back, and I just back to colleuge officially dropped out and joined another colleuge and started all over again, and has been better and better ever since. but latley i've been going down and down and down.. feeling very stressed over random stuff and drinking alot and feeling even more shit about myself, until today.
I looked myself in my mirror, only to see a skeleton looking back at me, anxeity has really withered me to nothing I used to have so much more muscle and fat(was going to the gym 4 times a week, and was pretty serious about it for 1,5 year) And I thought to myself, why do I keep rewarding my anxeity, I keep fueling it with daily thoughts, and fear. Whilst thinking this I found myself doing the "thinker" pose while taking a dump in the toilet :) I started randomly laughing because I do my very best thinking while taking a dump haha :). I started laying out all the facts: Im skinny as hell, I feel very unhappy 80% of the time, Im barley keeping up in school, and anxeity is seriously limiting my potential. I know if I get down to the gym to work out I have the drive and the motivation to get that great body. Im a very smart student, I can easily get the grades I deserve. In my social life im a very funny guy and I like to head to any event etc because it takes my mind off anxeity but it happens that I sometimes dont go to places I want to go or travel out of my country etc and its not because I don't want to or something like that it's becuase the anxeity is dictating to me what I should and shouldn't do.
And I thought to myself why? why should I be a prisoner under this spell..... A prisoner under my own thoughts. Nobody lives forever, and there's so much I want to do .. I want to start boxing and going to the gym. I want to get a part time job on the side, so I can finaly afford a iphone and more expensive clothes. I want to travel, I want to feel pain, I want to laugh, I want to ........ live! And after thinking all of this I started to not fear anxeity anymore, my globus hystericus which I had had all day suddenly stopped bothering me, and after that it faded away, slowly slowly, I felt better and better and better until I reached some kind of peak in my happiness scale. Now no matter what hits me it cant bring or break me down. Tommorow Im having an all activity day in colleuge and all weekend while beeing with friends etc I was thinking about what if I have a big panic attack while jogging in the woods(jogging is the activity). But now I no longer care, and I cant help but smile. So what if it hits me il just soldier on and not give in to it. And also I will book an appointment with a pro psychiatrist so I have someone to talk to weekly, at better times and at worse times. I hope this was a good read and gave someone insparation, because I sure feel inspired right now. Im not just going to try to get changed, im going to change damn it! By acting as a non anxious person will i eventually become one is my way of going about it. I vow that from this day on I will never read about anything related with anxeity or comeback to this forum to read the answers you post back. Im also going to completely stop drinking, and start exercising and doing the stuff I want to do in my life without any hesitation at all, this is my promise to you guys.
Now that im done with this post, im thinking to myself how im going to keep this promise.. I mean I want to comeback here to read all your wonderful replies(I hope they are all good). But I guess I have to go about it as im going about my anxeity, I have to just let it go. I don't need to come back here to get reassurance, or to get feedback, this post was just made to get some thoughts of my chest, and to give someone inspiration. Now all that is left is just for me to live my new found way of life, its going to be hard and painful but im going to do it. Thanks for everything and bye I hope the best for each and everyone of you, in this forum!