Woken up in a panic

[lottietucker]

I wake up every morning in a panic. I get overwhelmed with stresses about what I have to do in the day (and most of those aren't really stressful as I am a stay at home mum). Things like vacuuming and cleaning. I also get stricken with panic about not having enough money to live on (I'm in the UK and on benefits), fear that they are going to reduce my payments, that I'll get chucked out of my house (I rent), that id never find anywhere else to rent that would accept my two dogs. The thoughts just come and come and come. I cry almost every morning and feel anxious for the rest of the day. It's so debilitating. I enjoy nothing. This really isn't a life. I just survive from day to day. I have no living family except my 6 year old son and virtually no friends. I feel I can't cope on my own - and the responsibility of being a single mum overwhelms me. I look after my son and try and put on a brave face for him but in wracked w anxiety all the time and the minute I'm on my own I just break down. I hardly ever take my son out and even when i do do things with him my brain is not really fully engages in the activity. It is thinking of all the things that stress me. I am at my wits end. I think about ending it all almost daily but thoughts of my son being without a mum haunt me - although I have attempted suicide in the past.

Whenever I can I sit on my bed staring at endless repeats of things on my computer, chain smoking and drinking endless cups of tea. I'm not really watching it, it's just comforting familiar background noise. I hate going out and get stressed when I have to - even taking my son to and from school causes me acute anxiety. I'm verging on agoraphobia. I don't really look after myself (I.e. Washing, changing clothes etc) unless I have to. I prepare food for my son but I hardly eat and when I do it's just a sandwich.

I really don't know what to do. I've posted on the welcome board and everyone thinks my meds are all wrong. I'm not having any talking therapy because my mental heath team don't currently have a psychologist on board.

I can't live like this anymore. Can anyone help?

[lottietucker]

PS sorry about the long post.

[lottietucker]

Have had 3 panic attacks today but half the tome I don't know why I'm so scared. I know what in thinking about but the degree of anxiety it's causing is disproportionate. Does anyone else get this?

[Chrideng]

No, I think what you are worrying about are valid things to worry about. You have a son to take care of and as a mom myself I understand the stresses and worries that brings. I suffer myself from anxiety and what would be a normal worry or concern for one person causing extreme panic in people with anxiety. You need to find someone to talk to? Will your benefits pay for someone? I am working on myself everyday and I do it for my girls. I understand how you feel. I feel like that everyday. If you need to chat please reach out to me.

[lindasue]

I'm so sorry you feel like this, I do too and know that awful damn feeling of panic in the morning, it is the worst for me in the morning too. I stay at home too and have an 11-year-old son. And I get stupid anxiety picking him up from school too, driving scares me. I am behind in housework, and it is just an effort to shower and eat, I have lost a lot of weight. I have tried everything. I take meds. The bad thing is that I run out of my antianxiety meds too early and then really suffer when I am out. All this got really bad after my mom passed in February, though I have suffered a lot of my life with some form of depression and anxiety. I am very lonely, I was close to my mom, she was kind of my outlet. Unlike you, I am married, so not so terribly alone as you are, but do worry about money. He is from England by the way, we live in the states. My advice to you is to absolutely force yourself outside, I do this with my dog and just play fetch, and I feel a tad better, I try to do this a few times a day. Or a stupid little thing like take my son to McDonalds. I feel uncomfortable the whole time, but still feel just a tinge better after doing it. Try to take a short walk or go to a park maybe? Otherwise the only thing that works for me are benzos, and they help tremendously, but unfortunately I abuse them. But they do work for the intense anxiety. I am going to start giving my husband the medication and he will give me the days' worth now because I can't be trusted. Too bad, but I can't hardly be without them. I used to work, take care of the house, cook, and all the rest, but am now reduced to just managing at the moment. I truly feel for you and will be thinking of you often. Please try to have the attitude of what will be will be, you can't change it, so just try to go with it. Try to make even tiny improvements in your life, or for yourself especially, treat yourself somehow, hard without money though I know. Believe it or not I think God is always with you, though it doesn't seem like it. I do pray. I don't have friends that I see either, I need to find some outlet but don't know what. Hang in there and know other people are suffering as you are and that you are not hopeless, crazy, or anything else you might think.

[dazza]

With the cost of fags, chain-smoking & on benefits... I'd also wake up in a blind panic!

£12 a day on fags? Sheesh...

[lottietucker]

I don't spend £12 a day on cigarettes. I smoke rollies anyway and I get tobacco from Australia off the Internet where it's half the price of in the UK even with delivery costs. So sheesh not!!

[dazza]

I don't spend £12 a day on cigarettes. I smoke rollies anyway and I get tobacco from Australia off the Internet where it's half the price of in the UK even with delivery costs. So sheesh not!!

Oh! wow... surprised Customs and excise don't intercept it!?

Which web site do you use? (slightly interested, lol)

[lottietucker]

I'm so sorry you feel like this, I do too and know that awful damn feeling of panic in the morning, it is the worst for me in the morning too. I stay at home too and have an 11-year-old son. And I get stupid anxiety picking him up from school too, driving scares me. I am behind in housework, and it is just an effort to shower and eat, I have lost a lot of weight. I have tried everything. I take meds. The bad thing is that I run out of my antianxiety meds too early and then really suffer when I am out. All this got really bad after my mom passed in February, though I have suffered a lot of my life with some form of depression and anxiety. I am very lonely, I was close to my mom, she was kind of my outlet. Unlike you, I am married, so not so terribly alone as you are, but do worry about money. He is from England by the way, we live in the states. My advice to you is to absolutely force yourself outside, I do this with my dog and just play fetch, and I feel a tad better, I try to do this a few times a day. Or a stupid little thing like take my son to McDonalds. I feel uncomfortable the whole time, but still feel just a tinge better after doing it. Try to take a short walk or go to a park maybe? Otherwise the only thing that works for me are benzos, and they help tremendously, but unfortunately I abuse them. But they do work for the intense anxiety. I am going to start giving my husband the medication and he will give me the days' worth now because I can't be trusted. Too bad, but I can't hardly be without them. I used to work, take care of the house, cook, and all the rest, but am now reduced to just managing at the moment. I truly feel for you and will be thinking of you often. Please try to have the attitude of what will be will be, you can't change it, so just try to go with it. Try to make even tiny improvements in your life, or for yourself especially, treat yourself somehow, hard without money though I know. Believe it or not I think God is always with you, though it doesn't seem like it. I do pray. I don't have friends that I see either, I need to find some outlet but don't know what. Hang in there and know other people are suffering as you are and that you are not hopeless, crazy, or anything else you might think.

Thank you for telling me all this and sharing. You sound just like me. It helps knowing there is someone else out there who has the same problems. Thanks again!