lindasue
09-15-2012, 08:41 PM
I have major depression and GAD. Compared to a few months ago I am better (out of bed). I lost almost 40 pounds and was close to being hospitalized. This all happened after my mom passed in February. She had been ill for the past year and had a rapid decline and I think it traumatized me. Before that I had always had depression and anxiety, but under pretty good control. I take 250 mg of Zoloft 300 mg of Wellbutrin, 20 mg Ritalin, and 10 mg of Serax. I go through my Serax before the prescription is due and suffer twice as bad and despise myself. I loathe myself. I am desperate just to feel like a decent human being. So I google and google and try herbs and supplements, all to no avail it seems, and I feel maybe I have just fried by brain. I take valerian, fish oil, multivitamin, melatonin, gingseng, and have tried many more. I just want to feel good, just normal, not even chipper, NORMAL. I have a nervous feeling 24 hours a day, have trouble sleeping, and have no life really outside my home. My mind races so much and I think of all the bad things in the past. I have tried a bit of counseling. I know I have issues underlying, but I don't know how to get past them. The pain from losing my mom is still unbearable. I crave just to have a little peace and relaxation. I have a terribly low opinion of myself and don't know how I can change that. I have prayed, tried to talk myself out of it, distract myself, etc. I feel hopeless. I feel I am doomed to feel this way the rest of my life. I hate waking up in the morning. I could write so much more, but thanks for reading. ANY advice would be appreciated. I am new here and need to talk to someone other than my poor husband.