Invalidcharactr
09-13-2012, 07:13 PM
Logically, cognitively, I have everything figured out and mostly understood. I understand that I am skin and muscle, tubes and tissue, and a little bit of electricity to make it all go. At some point, this meat-machine is going to fail me, and then I won't be anymore. The stressors and triggers are meaningless. My relationships will blow away, and everything I've ever said or done will cease to matter in a handful of years (handful in a cosmic sense).
This is freeing. This knowledge is how I maintain intellectual and emotional integrity.
Then the chemicals get me. Heart-beating, brain suppressing, blank-faced chemicals screw me over.
"This doesn't matter," my brain says.
"Shut up brain," says my brain.
"But you're acting like an irrational child."
"You're not the boss of me!"
This is freeing. This knowledge is how I maintain intellectual and emotional integrity.
Then the chemicals get me. Heart-beating, brain suppressing, blank-faced chemicals screw me over.
"This doesn't matter," my brain says.
"Shut up brain," says my brain.
"But you're acting like an irrational child."
"You're not the boss of me!"