Enduronman
09-12-2012, 08:15 PM
As the title states, my whole life has been dictated by "suddenality". Much of which was within my own control prior to age 18. Then, the circumstances of my life dictated the rest. Married twice, divorced twice. 3 kids, 1 of which still believes in me, the other 2, I dont know. One is an addict with a 2 yr old son that I know 0 about. The other is a son that only hears what his mother preaches. I dont see him either. This entire year has been a huge pile of shit, that was flung at me to try and figure out. My mother handed me a copy of a will at Thanksgiving and said she just wanted to be sure I had it. WTF? Yes, she feared she had cancer and was going to flatline I learned in January. The same day I learn that my mom is going to be ok, and the test were inconclusive, my dad was in the hospital for a potential stroke. It didnt end..Then, I learn that my youngest daughter is ready to snap mentally at 16. I correct all that asap..Make special school arrangements for her as she too has anxiety in the Def 3 range daily. Then I learn that my oldest daughter is an addict and can barely stay awake long enough to keep from catching a chair on fire and leaving the front door open with a 1 1/2 yr old boy. She was passed out, and was taking enough methadone and xanax to kill an elephant. I fought those battles, on the front lines..alone. Then, BAM!..I had to welcome a new and unwanted disease that f**ked me up so bad I couldnt work for 3 months. Couldnt move my own f**kin hands. Couldnt walk, couldnt do a damn thing for myself to give me a sense of accomplishment. During all this obvious frustration, I threaten the woman in my life by saying many bad things to her that her memory keeps replaying over and over again. Somehow, when we do get to speak in person to one another, the conversation turns to "you called me a stupid bitch and threw me outta yer house". I remember then, what I said that night 2 weeks ago.."I'm going to bust this bottle over your head if you don't leave now, or I will throw you through the window..your choice".. She didnt deserve any of that, I took my "lifes" frustrations out on her. I have told her that it wasn't right, nor fair, and that she deserves someone whos life isnt so "sudden"..Someone with stability that I apparently don't have to offer her.. We live, we learn, and thats that.
Thanks for reading.
Enduronman.
Thanks for reading.
Enduronman.