Anxiety Ruined my Relationship

[lmgibson87]

Hi, posted several times before. I'm a mess right now. Im very ill and Just started getting treatment or chronic Lyme which has made my anxiety so much worse over the past year. Also last yr of law school started and im trying to keep up with working and an internship. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year but have known him for about seven. He is the Only person I have ever trusted and really loved out of anyone I've ever dated and I had never felt so sure about someone. We had been fighting a little bit and I know I've been over analyzing and obsessed with trying to make us work. He left me a few days ago and said its just too much for him and he isn't in love like he used to be and I stressed him out all the time. So heartbroken and depressed right now not to mention I cannot sleep at all and my anxiety is out of control. First person I felt I trusted enough to be myself and no be ashamed if he knew I had panic and anxiety and now realizing it has ruined everything. Very tired and upset, Anxiety and being sick and having the one person i really loved and trusted leave me..it's just too much. How can people like me not let our disorders destroy personal relationships? Hiding it doesn't work and telling someone you trust and trusting them only to have them hurt you is even worse...I feel awful. :(

[louise07]

same fewling i am having right now. althoug me and my boyfriend is still together now, i feel that little by little were not like we were before.

[louise07]

he knows im having anxiety and panic attacks, he calms me whenever im having an attack but when i feel anxious and scared of what i am feeling he just gets mad and tells me to get over it, its just normal. i feel so worse whenever he is like that. i can see that he is suffering too and hes sad about whats happening to me. im ill too, hyperthyroidism. its just so depressing that the one you want to comfort you is not as interested in you as he was before.

[lmgibson87]

Thanks for writing back . It really is depressing I've been feeling pretty hopeless these past few days.
You still are With your boyfriend? I have relived everything i did relating to anxiety during the relationship and think I can give you some advice on how to deal with it, since you still are with him. The number one thing I did wrong was rely on him way too much. He almost became A way of coping for me. Don't get to the point where you feel so comfortable with him that you don't try to use anxiety coping strategies around him because you know he is there and will make you feel better. You have to be able to rely on yourself and be your own person. I realize I must have suffocated my ex, All of my problems were his and it became too much to deal with. Remember that he cares but he isn't your therapist. If you put too much pressure on him and he doesn't know what to do, fights start. Its very hard for people no don't have our problems understand that but that's not their fault either so try not to get upset. Make him informed about how you feel by letting him read something online about it. That actually worked for me and my ex but then I started thinking 'now that he understands I not have to try so hard to pretend I feel ok'. Basically I know I put Too much pressure on him and if you feel like you may be doing it don't be upset just be aware your doing. If he really loves you he will be there for you and support you but be careful not to rely solely on that support from him. Many people cannot handle that type of responsibility even if they are in love.

I hope that made a little sense ! , good luck.

[winnwinn]

I am so sorry. I know how it feels to get close to someone, to let them in and have them see everything, and just having them walk away. My husband is new to all of this. We've only been married for 5 months now, and when I have my anxiety attacks he is right there with me. You have very good advice about needing to be your own person and relying on coping techniques. I started relying on hubby too much as of late, and I've noticed him becoming more and more insensitive to my problems.

Have you tried Melatonin for sleep? I take it every night to help me. It's non-addictive and is considered safe.

I hope things start to get better for you. I know what horrible feelings you have right now. I wish you the best of luck!

[lmgibson87]

Thank you for replying winnwinn. Good luck with everything, congratulations on your new marriage too. I really think it is easy to forget our significant others are not going to be able to fix our anxiety problems and using them as a crutch when we do get anxiety attacks can begin to seem comforting and a fix for our problems. I realized too late that it is really stressful for a lot of people (probably more men) to have this burden and its really easy when you trust someone and they understand what you are going through to forget that and begin to rely on them too much for making you feel better. Ps I feel a little better today than yesterday, I finally got some sleep. I have taken Melatonin before, it does work pretty well. I have been taking my xanax though, I think it's ok for now, I'm going through a lot with the Lyme treatments making me feel very sick and being exhausted from school. I'm not gonna be too hard on myself for relying on the xanax during tough time, people can only deal wi
If you ever want to talk, message me! -Laura

[lmgibson87]

*with so much (at the end there)

[quinn88]

Not so positive :s I don't think people should let anxiety effect there life

[lmgibson87]

Um, what do you mean?

[lmgibson87]

If you just searched through my posts to find a negative one in response to my post that I wish we had more positive comments, that's pretty sad. And pretty personally insulting as I clearly wrote 'I am guilty of that too' when talking about people posting about their problems. I think this is really offensive..

[quinn88]

Hardly searched when it's the first thread on general discussion....

[star1234]

Dealing with anxiety is not any easier then someone dealing with a drug addiction. Either way you got to recognize that you have a problem and you have to want to fight it. It's easier said then done but it can be done. Anxiety takes over your life just like cancer, alcohol or drug addiction. However, it requires that we all put in our part to heal. It's a constant battle. But other battles have been fought and won. I agree that we shouldn't consume our significant other with our own anxiety but I strongly believe in sickness and in health.

[quinn88]

I agree with most of what u said but u can't compare cancer to anxiety it's a killer anxiety although as scary as it seems won't kill you

[lmgibson87]

Hardly searched when it's the first thread on general discussion....

What exactly is your problem quinn88? I never said Ive never posted anything negative, clearly if I am on an anxiety forum, I have dealt with my fair share of issues. I think it's very juvenile you had to comment on an old post of mine when I was going through a bad time to make some sort of a passive aggressive jab at something I said that bothered you.

[star1234]

Cancer doesn't always kill you either. Many people have battled cancer and won. Being a sufferer of anxiety myself I feel that it consumes you up inside both emotionally and physically. It deprives you from being happy. It deprives you from living, loving and being loved. For those that have physical and emotional symptoms like I do, It is a constant battle. My chest pains cause me to worry and when I worry my chest pains worsen. So this is what I mean by no its not cancer thank God but you feel dead because your not yourself and your not happy feeling this way. I am one that is trying to fight it on my own. Sometimes I wonder if my husband really understands and is there for me because he lives me or does he feel obligated? Whatever the case may be, at the end I have to fight this battle for myself cause I don't like it snd because my kids need me.

[lmgibson87]

Cancer doesn't always kill you either. Many people have battled cancer and won. Being a sufferer of anxiety myself I feel that it consumes you up inside both emotionally and physically. It deprives you from being happy. It deprives you from living, loving and being loved. For those that have physical and emotional symptoms like I do, It is a constant battle. My chest pains cause me to worry and when I worry my chest pains worsen. So this is what I mean by no its not cancer thank God but you feel dead because your not yourself and your not happy feeling this way. I am one that is trying to fight it on my own. Sometimes I wonder if my husband really understands and is there for me because he lives me or does he feel obligated? Whatever the case may be, at the end I have to fight this battle for myself cause I don't like it snd because my kids need me.

You're right, anxiety is horrible and often can be worse than many illnesses. Not only does it make you worry constantly and live in constant fear but many times people do not understand or sympathize. It can make you feel very alone and depressed. I am not saying anxiety is necessarily worse than any illnesses but it certainly isn't better. Living with constant anxiety can manifest itself as many physical illnesses as well.

Also star, I'm sorry you feel like your husband doesn't understand sometimes. I know when I wrote this post originally (before this guy had to drag it back up to make fun me...) I was with someone I wasn't really meant to be with and I was sick and completely relied on him for everything, which left me alone and confused. I know that many people are actually with people who love them and can accept their anxiety and help them live with it. Also I know that one of the toughest things is having the self doubt and lack of self esteem that comes with having anxiety, and feeling like that can make it seem like relationships are very difficult . I hope everything works out for you and I'm sure that my story above was very extreme, many people have normal relationships while dealing with anxiety. I think it still is important to remember not to lean on your significant other too much and to be strong Enough to help yourself no matter what. Good luck :)

[AceParadox]

Atleast you will be rich :D
Money money moneyyyyyyy

[lmgibson87]

Haha I hope so! I think sallie-Mae will be stealing most of my paycheck for about 30 years though! Lol

[AceParadox]

:P yeah student loans suck!
But you'll be doing what you enjoy.
Think of the positives :D

[j2005]

Gibson,

Be easier on yourself...you've been through a lot.

Your focus now should simply be on getting healthy and strong. I'm sorry to hear about your BF. I know you'll be fine. You just need to stay strong and keep the hope alive that you have a wonderful future ahead and it's not dependent on this guy.

You've learned a lot in this relationship, now apply what you have learned and go be healthy and strong,

James

[lmgibson87]

I am trying to be easier on myself. A bit hard to do when you're an anxiety ridden perfectionist in law school and have a host of other problems haha. I sometimes forget I'm really critical of myself. Thanks for the response:) -Laura

[j2005]

Laura,

Sounds like you have a full plate to work on:
Anxiety
Perfectionism
Law school
And a host of others,

One day at a time sweetheart,

James

[lmgibson87]

Thank you :) I am trying to take it one day a time, its the only way to stay sane ! Lol