winnwinn
09-09-2012, 09:03 PM
About 8 days ago, on the 1st, I woke up with horrible pain in my kidney. I couldn't breathe! My brother rushed me to the ER where they diagnosed me with a fairly large kidney stone. I was sent home a few hours later with some painkillers. When I got home, the pain got much worse in spite of the medications. When my husband got home that same evening, he took me back to the ER only to discover that the stone had gotten lodged in the tube leading from the kidney to the bladder, and I couldn't urinate. The next day I had emergency surgery to have a stent placed from the kidney to the bladder to drain the urine. (They didn't do anything about the stone itself because it was a holiday weekend). They sent me home shortly after the surgery. Now, I suffer from HORRIBLE panic and anxiety attacks, but I was on painkillers the entire time, so I really didn't notice between the pain and being drugged that my anxiety was an issue.
From the time I got home Sunday morning until Wednesday morning, I took my pain medication as need, which was all the time. Wednesday afternoon I had another operation where the kidney stone was shattered, and a new stent was placed in my tube to allow the tiny pieces to pass. Wednesday night I was back home recovering. Feeling as if I was becoming more dependent on my pain medication, I used it sparingly Thursday even though I was miserable to say the least. Friday was the same thing, except when I woke up I felt foggy headed, like I couldn't concentrate. I thought maybe it was from trace amounts of anesthesia and painkillers in my system, but it started getting worse as the day went on. My thoughts seemed to race and I couldn't concentrate. I lay in the shower and cried uncontrollably from the pain of the stent and from all of the anxiety coursing through me. I has shaking and terrified to be left alone. My husband had to help me out of the shower and baby me for the rest of the evening. I spent all evening having heightened anxiety at times, at other times it was there but not as intense. I tried deep breathing, praying, talking to family members, but nothing helped. I finally caved and took Klonopin and Melitonin and around 1am I passed out from exhaustion. I had nightmares all night long, and woke frequently because of the bladder pain. When I woke up at 5am the anxiety continued just as strong as before I'd gone to sleep. I waited a few hours and yesterday I called my Urologist about the stent pain, and managed to get a Saturday appointment. I went in and had the stent removed which took about 95% of the pain away. The anxiety was still there but not as bad as before. It ended up coming back full-blown to the point where for the past 2 days I have been curled up in the fetal position on the floor crying. Right now my heart is racing and my entire face, neck and chest are numb and tingling. I had been put on an Iodine medication for the bladder that I was having a reaction to. My urologist said to stop taking the medication ASAP, which I did. I took it only 3 times over the past week and each time I did it brought about heart palpitations which in turn started all of this anxiety......
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: When I was 14, I had anxiety so bad that I was put on and anti-depressant and sleeping medication. After a few weeks of being on them I went to bed one night and had a dream that I was an actress acting in a movie. In the role, I had to take some pills. I ended up sleep walking into the bathroom, going into the medicine cabinet and taking the entire contents of a bottle of Tylenol before going to lay down. The next morning I woke up throwing up from all of the pills, and was rushed to the ER. From there, I was sent to a behavioral hospital. I HAD NEVER EVER THOUGHT OF EVER DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DID. About 19 months ago I had horrible anxiety from PTSD from being raped, a serious car accident, and having an abusive boyfriend. I ended up taking an antidepressant which after a few weeks made me feel weird. I felt like I wasn't myself, and began feeling paranoid. I went to sleep one night and dreamt a dream very similar to the one I had when I was 14. I immediately rushed myself to the ER where they checked me out. After getting cleared (I hadn't taken anything) I was sent to another behavioral hospital where they diagnosed me with ‘Serotonin Syndrome', which means I am allergic to SSRI antidepressant medications such as Prozac, Paxil, Etc. I ended up getting better. I left my abusive boyfriend and moved back to my home town 200 miles away. I married my longtime best friend and everything seemed amazing until a few months later I found out I was pregnant, and 2 months in, I miscarried the baby. The weird part is, my sister and I found out we were pregnant on the SAME day! We were so excited! We planned to share everything from our food cravings, to the DR appointments. That was until I lost the baby. Now I have to watch every day as my sisters' belly gets bigger and bigger. She is so excited still about having her 3rd child, and here I am torn up inside that my baby is gone and she is mad at me because it is so hard for me to show I care. I care about her and the baby so much! I wish them nothing but a happy and healthy everything. She doesn't understand my pain with all of this..... I live in constant fear that I with all of this new anxiety, that I am going to sleepwalk again and do something stupid. I cannot let go of that fear no matter what I do or what I tell myself, even though it is the furthest thing from what I want to do!
(A little background history: 5 years ago when my child was born I had horrible PPD and anxiety attacks. My Dr. gave me 1mg of Klonopin 3 times a day. I took it like clockwork for 2 years until another Dr. told me that it was very addicting and bad to take as much as I was. I began weaning off of it with a DR's help and up until 2 weeks ago I had gotten down to 0.50mg at bedtime. 2 weeks ago I had begun taking it down to 0.25mg so my body and brain didn't go into withdrawals. Eventually in the next 2-3 months I will be completely off of the medication and my husband and I are going to try for another baby.
As I've said, I had anxiety attacks all of my teenage years. It got so bad that I couldn't even go to high school. Since those days, I had a child, gotten married, and I am currently working on a college education, these are things that I had never thought were possible. Right now I am considering sending my hubby packing. Not because he isn't supportive, because he completely is, but because he doesn't understand. He has never in his 29 years of live ever had a single ounce of anxiety! Even though I've tried explaining everything to him, he thinks this is all like the common cold, and in a few days it will pass, but this is real, it's severe and I am so lost! He isn't a comfort source to me, and him not understanding makes my anxiety so much more worse.... I don't want to push him away though.
My question is, why all of sudden might I had been having these extreme anxiety and panic attacks? Could it be from the painkillers or from the 2 procedures I had? Could it be from suppressing all of the stress in my life, especially the miscarriage? Could it be that it was foreign to have stents in my body all-of-a-sudden? What could it all be? I have a Psychiatrist, but I am looking for a better DR. I had a counselor, who I had been seeing for 4 years, but I didn't find the therapy very helpful, and as of now, I don't have my vehicle up and running for weekly appointments. If I tell a DR that I am scared of me sleep walking again, I know he will place me in yet another behavioral hospital where they will push SSRI's on that I can't even have! I have NO plans of doing anything stupid, I just want all of this anxiety to go away so I get up off the floor and be the mother, wife and person I know I need to be, who I WANT to be! I just want all of this HELL to stop!!!
Help?
From the time I got home Sunday morning until Wednesday morning, I took my pain medication as need, which was all the time. Wednesday afternoon I had another operation where the kidney stone was shattered, and a new stent was placed in my tube to allow the tiny pieces to pass. Wednesday night I was back home recovering. Feeling as if I was becoming more dependent on my pain medication, I used it sparingly Thursday even though I was miserable to say the least. Friday was the same thing, except when I woke up I felt foggy headed, like I couldn't concentrate. I thought maybe it was from trace amounts of anesthesia and painkillers in my system, but it started getting worse as the day went on. My thoughts seemed to race and I couldn't concentrate. I lay in the shower and cried uncontrollably from the pain of the stent and from all of the anxiety coursing through me. I has shaking and terrified to be left alone. My husband had to help me out of the shower and baby me for the rest of the evening. I spent all evening having heightened anxiety at times, at other times it was there but not as intense. I tried deep breathing, praying, talking to family members, but nothing helped. I finally caved and took Klonopin and Melitonin and around 1am I passed out from exhaustion. I had nightmares all night long, and woke frequently because of the bladder pain. When I woke up at 5am the anxiety continued just as strong as before I'd gone to sleep. I waited a few hours and yesterday I called my Urologist about the stent pain, and managed to get a Saturday appointment. I went in and had the stent removed which took about 95% of the pain away. The anxiety was still there but not as bad as before. It ended up coming back full-blown to the point where for the past 2 days I have been curled up in the fetal position on the floor crying. Right now my heart is racing and my entire face, neck and chest are numb and tingling. I had been put on an Iodine medication for the bladder that I was having a reaction to. My urologist said to stop taking the medication ASAP, which I did. I took it only 3 times over the past week and each time I did it brought about heart palpitations which in turn started all of this anxiety......
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: When I was 14, I had anxiety so bad that I was put on and anti-depressant and sleeping medication. After a few weeks of being on them I went to bed one night and had a dream that I was an actress acting in a movie. In the role, I had to take some pills. I ended up sleep walking into the bathroom, going into the medicine cabinet and taking the entire contents of a bottle of Tylenol before going to lay down. The next morning I woke up throwing up from all of the pills, and was rushed to the ER. From there, I was sent to a behavioral hospital. I HAD NEVER EVER THOUGHT OF EVER DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DID. About 19 months ago I had horrible anxiety from PTSD from being raped, a serious car accident, and having an abusive boyfriend. I ended up taking an antidepressant which after a few weeks made me feel weird. I felt like I wasn't myself, and began feeling paranoid. I went to sleep one night and dreamt a dream very similar to the one I had when I was 14. I immediately rushed myself to the ER where they checked me out. After getting cleared (I hadn't taken anything) I was sent to another behavioral hospital where they diagnosed me with ‘Serotonin Syndrome', which means I am allergic to SSRI antidepressant medications such as Prozac, Paxil, Etc. I ended up getting better. I left my abusive boyfriend and moved back to my home town 200 miles away. I married my longtime best friend and everything seemed amazing until a few months later I found out I was pregnant, and 2 months in, I miscarried the baby. The weird part is, my sister and I found out we were pregnant on the SAME day! We were so excited! We planned to share everything from our food cravings, to the DR appointments. That was until I lost the baby. Now I have to watch every day as my sisters' belly gets bigger and bigger. She is so excited still about having her 3rd child, and here I am torn up inside that my baby is gone and she is mad at me because it is so hard for me to show I care. I care about her and the baby so much! I wish them nothing but a happy and healthy everything. She doesn't understand my pain with all of this..... I live in constant fear that I with all of this new anxiety, that I am going to sleepwalk again and do something stupid. I cannot let go of that fear no matter what I do or what I tell myself, even though it is the furthest thing from what I want to do!
(A little background history: 5 years ago when my child was born I had horrible PPD and anxiety attacks. My Dr. gave me 1mg of Klonopin 3 times a day. I took it like clockwork for 2 years until another Dr. told me that it was very addicting and bad to take as much as I was. I began weaning off of it with a DR's help and up until 2 weeks ago I had gotten down to 0.50mg at bedtime. 2 weeks ago I had begun taking it down to 0.25mg so my body and brain didn't go into withdrawals. Eventually in the next 2-3 months I will be completely off of the medication and my husband and I are going to try for another baby.
As I've said, I had anxiety attacks all of my teenage years. It got so bad that I couldn't even go to high school. Since those days, I had a child, gotten married, and I am currently working on a college education, these are things that I had never thought were possible. Right now I am considering sending my hubby packing. Not because he isn't supportive, because he completely is, but because he doesn't understand. He has never in his 29 years of live ever had a single ounce of anxiety! Even though I've tried explaining everything to him, he thinks this is all like the common cold, and in a few days it will pass, but this is real, it's severe and I am so lost! He isn't a comfort source to me, and him not understanding makes my anxiety so much more worse.... I don't want to push him away though.
My question is, why all of sudden might I had been having these extreme anxiety and panic attacks? Could it be from the painkillers or from the 2 procedures I had? Could it be from suppressing all of the stress in my life, especially the miscarriage? Could it be that it was foreign to have stents in my body all-of-a-sudden? What could it all be? I have a Psychiatrist, but I am looking for a better DR. I had a counselor, who I had been seeing for 4 years, but I didn't find the therapy very helpful, and as of now, I don't have my vehicle up and running for weekly appointments. If I tell a DR that I am scared of me sleep walking again, I know he will place me in yet another behavioral hospital where they will push SSRI's on that I can't even have! I have NO plans of doing anything stupid, I just want all of this anxiety to go away so I get up off the floor and be the mother, wife and person I know I need to be, who I WANT to be! I just want all of this HELL to stop!!!
Help?