Enduronman
09-07-2012, 09:09 PM
I learned many new things in this past week, that I wasn't really expecting. Last week was my 1st week back to work since June after an attack from a new disease that I now have. I was fully recovered, and ready to go. I did mostly what the Dr suggested that I do and I did keep the workload to a minimum with very little physical stresses. A grand total of 25 hrs worked..yay. Only to realize that the rest of this entire week, I was yet again being controlled by forces other then myself and my own mind and ambition. I have spent this last week in a daze, brainfog, sore, lethargic, fatigued, exhausted and unable to do a damn thing other then walk to the kitchen yet holding the freakin walls on my way there. I did expect that a return to all I've ever known or done for nearly 30 years would make me abit sore, however I did not expect that this disease would also get a grip on my mind, thoughts, or way of thinking but it did. So, here I am stuck in this house again. I did some research on this disease called RA and also learned today that it not only destroys my ligaments, cartilage, tissue, it also affects every organ in some way and also my already semi-retarded brain too. Awesome..
What I learned today, is something that I have already mentioned throughout this forum yet never really envisioned myself as doing this same thing. That was talking about my disease to friends or family. Apparently, as I was told "it is all I ever talk about and it is always bad upon bad". I then realized how unfair this was to these people in my life and the comments made were quite correct. It was my only focus and that was to figure out why one day I can walk, one day I can not, the next day I have energy, the next day I do not even know my own name.. It will dictate what I can, and can not accomplish in my life from the day I learned I had it yet it will not be predictable in anyway. That is why it was "information overload" placed upon those closest to me but it isnt fair to them at all as they too have their own issues and problems to sort out too. Maybe not a disease but yet still of importance to them. I will deal with this issue, ordeal, disease, alone from this day forward and will not overwhelm them with bad thoughts or circumstance that will be created in varying degrees for me until my final day. It will never leave, it will always be there..and it is a permanent side effect of anxiety also...
The anxiety is gone, the fear is gone, everything is gone except for these (2) sinister illnesses it left behind. Each day will be something new and unknown to me, and I've got a very long road ahead too.
Work to correct your disorders and conditions with every way or means possible, do not ignore them friends..or it will never leave you be.
Enduronman.
What I learned today, is something that I have already mentioned throughout this forum yet never really envisioned myself as doing this same thing. That was talking about my disease to friends or family. Apparently, as I was told "it is all I ever talk about and it is always bad upon bad". I then realized how unfair this was to these people in my life and the comments made were quite correct. It was my only focus and that was to figure out why one day I can walk, one day I can not, the next day I have energy, the next day I do not even know my own name.. It will dictate what I can, and can not accomplish in my life from the day I learned I had it yet it will not be predictable in anyway. That is why it was "information overload" placed upon those closest to me but it isnt fair to them at all as they too have their own issues and problems to sort out too. Maybe not a disease but yet still of importance to them. I will deal with this issue, ordeal, disease, alone from this day forward and will not overwhelm them with bad thoughts or circumstance that will be created in varying degrees for me until my final day. It will never leave, it will always be there..and it is a permanent side effect of anxiety also...
The anxiety is gone, the fear is gone, everything is gone except for these (2) sinister illnesses it left behind. Each day will be something new and unknown to me, and I've got a very long road ahead too.
Work to correct your disorders and conditions with every way or means possible, do not ignore them friends..or it will never leave you be.
Enduronman.