nostef
09-06-2012, 03:39 PM
Hi! First post.
I have a career that involves a lot of uncertainty. I've had to move to different cities not knowing if I'll ever be able to leave and when. I'm almost 28 now, and have been doing this for a long time, I switched 3 locations.
I hate that I have to do this for my job, but I have do, and on a rational level I want to. The only constant thing in my life was that I was able to come to my hometown from wherever I was every month or so. However the place I have to go now is on a different continent, over 10h time zone difference. From my hometown it takes about 24h to get there, and because of the plane schedules I often don't sleep for 40h until I get there.
At all points in my life I've been suffering from crippling anxiety a couple of days before I have to leave, with a spike that may be interpreted as a panic attack just before I leave my hometown house. It has happened twice that the panic attack and anxiety got the better of me, and I just couldn't leave.
My mind goes crazy and tells me how many things I'm going to miss if I leave. That my father is old and might pass away, that my mother is going to miss me terribly, that I'm going to miss important events from my nephews life, that I'll miss family gatherings that I love. I then diverge into thinking that if I'll ever come back I'll lose a lot of my friends. That I'll miss cool events at home. I panic, and I just can't leave. Of course I know the answers to these questions, that I can (in theory) come back whenever I want and so on.
However the longer the road the bigger the anxiety. I managed to fix my anxiety in the first locations by switching modes of transportation so that they would always be under 4 hours. I could probably handle going on a place and watching movies for 11 hours to keep myself out of my head but I can't do that since I have to switch different modes of transportation and travel during the night.
This is the only case when I have anxiety issues, but it's crippling me. Is there something I can take that will make me not feel anything for those ~40h? Something that wouldn't cause addiction?
I have a career that involves a lot of uncertainty. I've had to move to different cities not knowing if I'll ever be able to leave and when. I'm almost 28 now, and have been doing this for a long time, I switched 3 locations.
I hate that I have to do this for my job, but I have do, and on a rational level I want to. The only constant thing in my life was that I was able to come to my hometown from wherever I was every month or so. However the place I have to go now is on a different continent, over 10h time zone difference. From my hometown it takes about 24h to get there, and because of the plane schedules I often don't sleep for 40h until I get there.
At all points in my life I've been suffering from crippling anxiety a couple of days before I have to leave, with a spike that may be interpreted as a panic attack just before I leave my hometown house. It has happened twice that the panic attack and anxiety got the better of me, and I just couldn't leave.
My mind goes crazy and tells me how many things I'm going to miss if I leave. That my father is old and might pass away, that my mother is going to miss me terribly, that I'm going to miss important events from my nephews life, that I'll miss family gatherings that I love. I then diverge into thinking that if I'll ever come back I'll lose a lot of my friends. That I'll miss cool events at home. I panic, and I just can't leave. Of course I know the answers to these questions, that I can (in theory) come back whenever I want and so on.
However the longer the road the bigger the anxiety. I managed to fix my anxiety in the first locations by switching modes of transportation so that they would always be under 4 hours. I could probably handle going on a place and watching movies for 11 hours to keep myself out of my head but I can't do that since I have to switch different modes of transportation and travel during the night.
This is the only case when I have anxiety issues, but it's crippling me. Is there something I can take that will make me not feel anything for those ~40h? Something that wouldn't cause addiction?