layne
09-06-2012, 06:56 AM
I didn't know where to post this, i didn't know which forum suited it best, so I've posted it here and on the social phobia forum.
Righty, a bit of a delicate one for me, also a subject that rules quite the percentage of my anxiety currently.
Having sex, I think im afraid of it, and if anyone has any experience with this aswell please please share it with me.
Im not a virgin, I lost my virginity to a man I loved an it was all very well, I have severe body issues though that never let me fully relax when it came to sex, everything else I'm fine with, blow jobs foreplay etc... Fine. Infact I spent quite alot of time homing my oral skills because of my reluctance to have sex, an that's seen me through many a moment. My boyfriend at the time never pressured me to have sex, he didn't know why I don't want it, but he accepted it all the same.
After we broke up I went through the 'let's go out drinking and meet men' faze. And it all started to feel like Normality, I had a couple of one night stands, and a couple of semi serious relationships. I could sleep with the strangers, but not my boyfriends.
Then I had a one might stand with a barman I absaloutley adored, and got pregnant, I'm not against abortion, I never have been, I just always had that rather arrogant view of 'I'll never put myself in that postion' and I did. I was 19 at the time, had just been kicked out of home and I knew that despite the fact that it would break my heart to have a termination, it was the absaloute right thing to do.
I had the abortion 5 years ago, and haven't had sex since. It's almost like I put up the biggest, most fail proof wall that would mean I would never ever have to go through that again.
But in doing so I've cut myself off from maturing sexually, which in turn has given rise to anxieties about ever having it again.
Every romantic encounter I have these days is a mixture of me wanting them at first, flirting, and then the second they like me back, and I know what they want to do next, the anxiety kicks in, and all of a sudden all I want is to get away from that person and not have them like me anymore.
Has anybody had a similar tug of war type feeling when it comes to people? And any suggestions in how to overcome it?
Righty, a bit of a delicate one for me, also a subject that rules quite the percentage of my anxiety currently.
Having sex, I think im afraid of it, and if anyone has any experience with this aswell please please share it with me.
Im not a virgin, I lost my virginity to a man I loved an it was all very well, I have severe body issues though that never let me fully relax when it came to sex, everything else I'm fine with, blow jobs foreplay etc... Fine. Infact I spent quite alot of time homing my oral skills because of my reluctance to have sex, an that's seen me through many a moment. My boyfriend at the time never pressured me to have sex, he didn't know why I don't want it, but he accepted it all the same.
After we broke up I went through the 'let's go out drinking and meet men' faze. And it all started to feel like Normality, I had a couple of one night stands, and a couple of semi serious relationships. I could sleep with the strangers, but not my boyfriends.
Then I had a one might stand with a barman I absaloutley adored, and got pregnant, I'm not against abortion, I never have been, I just always had that rather arrogant view of 'I'll never put myself in that postion' and I did. I was 19 at the time, had just been kicked out of home and I knew that despite the fact that it would break my heart to have a termination, it was the absaloute right thing to do.
I had the abortion 5 years ago, and haven't had sex since. It's almost like I put up the biggest, most fail proof wall that would mean I would never ever have to go through that again.
But in doing so I've cut myself off from maturing sexually, which in turn has given rise to anxieties about ever having it again.
Every romantic encounter I have these days is a mixture of me wanting them at first, flirting, and then the second they like me back, and I know what they want to do next, the anxiety kicks in, and all of a sudden all I want is to get away from that person and not have them like me anymore.
Has anybody had a similar tug of war type feeling when it comes to people? And any suggestions in how to overcome it?