Hi there - can anyone associate with my story/advise?

[Andrew Croxall]

Hi there - first time poster.

I'm hoping if I describe my situation someone may say they can associate with it and that there is hope, which I'm sure there is. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, though!

A few months back I caught quite a debilitating virus. It first manifested itself in feelings of imminent fainting. The virus has gone, but panic attacks remained. They have subsided somewhat, but over the last week or so it's turned into a more generalised, always-there anxiety.

Mornings are particularly hard; I feel empty, lost and without help. There is a plethora of books and techniques, but they can be overwhelming and ultimately you don't know which to give attention to.

The worst thing is I don't know what I'm anxious about. How I'd prefer to have an anxiety about SOMETHING - work, a particular person, or whatever. As it is, I feel lost.

For a while I thought perhaps it was an obsessional worry about my heart, since the initial near-fainting episodes planted this idea in my head. (I went to A&E, or ER if you're American, and they did blood tests, ECGs, chest x-rays - the works - and there was found to be no problem with my heart. I have been reassured by a doctor that it is not a heart problem). Still I get seemingly random, mild, sporadic aches and pains scattered around my abdomen and arms, which only fuels this fear.

It sort of feels like I'm not me when I'm anxious, like I've lost myself.

Now, I have booked myself some sessions with a private hypnotherapist, and am excited at what this might bring. Have others tried this?

What is your view on medication? It gets such a bad name, people saying it's addictive and you shouldn't go down that route. Right now it sounds quite attractive if it's going to pick me up out of this.

I am quite active in yoga and meditation. Has anyone found that these alone can beat anxiety, or are they the wrong tools for the job?

Sorry for the rambling post. If anyone has any thoughts, I would be delighted to hear back.

Thanks in advance, and peace
Andy

[pitchblackheart]

I replied to your post but don't think it's worked Andy? Let me know.

Michelle x

[pitchblackheart]

Hi Andy.

I'm new here too. I can't definately relate to your story. I used to be such a happy outgoing person and in the last 9 months I left like I've totally lost myself and this has totally taken over my life. It's rubbish.

I'm at a point where I have to restrain myself almost everyday from calling 999. Its ridiculous really.

I have tried relaxation but it doesn't really help me, as weirdly I don't tend to get worked up and feel anxious, I more just feel pain and feel empty, so for me I don't need to relax, I'm too relaxed if anything.

Like you I haven't taken any meds, I've never taken medication for anything, but also starting to think it might be an avenue to explore.

I tried some CBT a few months ago but it didn't work but I don't think i really gave it a chance.

I've had heart issues ruled out by A&E and GPs many times but struggle to believe it. It's crap!

Hang in there as hard as it sounds! We'll find ourselves soon.

How did it start for you out of interest Andy?

Michelle x

[Andrew Croxall]

Thanks for reaching out, Michell - I'm both relieved and sorry to have found someone with a story similar to mine, if you know what I mean.

Oh I know what you mean about calling 999! I've done it twice (see below). In the end I was reassured enough that I did not have medical problems, and it was key for me to learn that anxiety itself can cause pain - some physical, some psychosematic. The latter is important, because it stops you looking for a physical cause. ("Why is my wrist hurting? And what was that prod I just felt in my upper chest? Oh, now it's gone..." - etc).

For me this started one day on the London Underground. It was heathing with people (there'd been some major line disruption) and it was really hot. We got held in a tunnel for about 7-8 minutes. I was fine, had been fine all day. Then all of a sudden I felt flushes up the sides of my face and felt as though I was going to pass out, imminently. Mercifully the train moved and I got off at the next station. I went home, it carried on, so I went to A&E. They said it was the onset of flu and to go home.

A week passed and I was largely fine. I went for a walk and the same thing happened again, so back to A&E I went (silly, eh?) This time they did extensive tests (multiple blood tests, chest x-ray, ECGs) and could find no problem. Back home I went. The next day, though, I was "properly" ill - so whether I caught a virus at the hospital, or this was all related to the initial symptoms, I really don't know.

Anyway, the illness has gone, but the panic attacks and, latterly, anxiety have remained. I'm in that position where there's loads of suggested cures, supplements and routes to beat it, but you have to make yourself try them and believe them. It can be overwhelming and it's so easy to think you're doomed to stick with this.

Weird that you say you don't really get anxious - if anything that's surely a good thing. I'm no doctor but it may be you tell yourself you're relaxed but actually you're not. Have you tried meditation? I've been watching a lot of videos by a guy called Burt Harding on YouTube. Quite spiritual stuff (not in a religious way), about how essentially the root of all this stuff is our inability to forgive, or self love. Quite inspiring, but can be hard to put into practise when you're feeling low.

Anyway, thanks again for reaching out.
Andy