Heart Attack Fear - Ruining My Life

[pitchblackheart]

Hi Everyone.

I hope everyone is feeling okay. I'm new to this, and indeed any kind of forum.

I'm not looking for answers, as I know we are all different, but having someone or something to relate to might help.

I will tell my story (it may be a bit of a long way so I do apologise!)

I am a 25 year old female. Fairly healthy, a little over weight, don't smoke or drink and don't, or have ever had any health issues.

It all started on Christmas Eve 2011. I was watching TV and suddenly got a stabbing pain in the left side of my ribs. I started to feel really hot and weak and paniced and almost collapsed. For a whole week after I felt completely drained, could move, work or anything.

In a matter of weeks I didn't want to leave the house, I was scared to be alone, hated shops and restaurants and basically felt like I was living on edge.

Straight after this I had a massive panic attack. My partner called an ambulance as he was really worried about me. They did all the tests you'd expect, ECG, blood etc and said everything was fine I had had a panic attack.

From that day on I have felt awful. My symptoms kicked in straight after. Mainly chest pain to start. A constant tight chest, short sharp stabbing pains in my neck and shoulder blades. Constantly feeling sick and extremely dizzy.

I spoke to my Dr and he said the chest pains were a result of costocondrontis and as a result of this it was causing anxiety. I obviously didn't want to accept this. I have been to the doctors so many times, blood test after blood test and still nothing. I was prescribed acid reflux tablets (which I still take as they thought this was the cause).

In March I had a few weeks of feeling okay and finally thought I was rid of it. Then all of a sudden it came back with vengeance, this time even worse and it's never gone away.

I have constant left shoulder pain, really dull often sharp. Really deep pain in my left forearm and upper arm. Dull, often prickly pain the middle of my chest. I constantly feel like my left breast is bring pinched and twisted. It takes my breath away and it makes me feel so sick! The nausea is awful. I get a pain, I feel sick, I don't eat for 8 hours, then get stomach cramps because I'm so hungry. I need to wee all the time and I either have constipation or diahrea!

I had another ambulance 6 weeks ago as I feel so ill, couldn't breath, choking feeling, racing heart, palps, all of the above problems as well. They again did all the heart tests, everything okay!!

This really is taking over my life. I literally cannot be on my own. I work late to avoid going home to an empty house until my partner finishes work. I hate it when he goes into another room and I carry my phone everywhere in the house.

Everyday I wake up and feel okay, and within minutes I get a pain and think that's it, today's the day, it's all over. I constantly tell myself it's all in my head. But it just doesn't work.

Most of the time I don't actually feel anxious, I just get the physical symptoms out of the blue and then become anxious.

It's stopped me doing everything I enjoy. I'm terrified of doing anything that increases my heart rate (does anyone else get that)? I'm scared of sex, which I love, incase something happens. I swam everyday which I've now stopped for the same reasons. Just doing a 5 minute walk makes me feel anxious. I get short of breath and pain everywhere and have to stop.

I cry all the time I just don't know what to do anymore. I think I'm driving my partner nuts. He loves me so much and is do supportive but I think it's taking it's toll on him too.

My last visit to the Drs was a fee weeks ago, she said everything was okay as always and suggested some online Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This actually made me worse. She also suggested counselling.

Almost 3 years ago I lost my dad to a huge heart attack. He was 50. Totally out of the blue. Although he had had operations all his life (40 in total) on a knee injury and had had many blood clots, which ultimately causes his heart attack.

I am absolutely convinced this is what is wrong with me. I believe I'm going to have a heart attack at any minute. I get the same symptoms as he dud. Although from his first symptom to passing away it was 2 days. I try to convince myself that after 9 months that if I had a serious heart condition something would gave happened by now, right??

I miss my dad so much and just don't want to leave my mum on her own. I try to convince the Drs this is what's wrong with me, but they won't listen. Everyday a new symptom appears and I panic.

I just want to know if anyone can relate to my story? And do people think the doctors could have missed something?

Thank you so much for listening

Michelle

[Jo Smith]

Hi, Im sorry all this is happening to you. I at first thought something was wrong with my heart, but now its morphed into a constant fear of passing out. Just like you I avoid anything that will raise my heart rate, as that makes me panicy, hot which then brings on the fear of passing out. I also used to love to swim and dont even dare exercise anymore. I also want to eat healthy, but am scared that if i dont eat the usual ill pass out. I also get very sharp chest pains and a horrible tight chest. Breathingt exercises are ment to help with relaxation...though I have yet to try this (as im new to this site aswell). I get stabbing pains in my ribs and in my boobs. I also get them in my shoulder blades and back. They really freaked me out at first. But now i no there temporary. So when they happen i put my hand in the area becus there always nice and toasty. Then breathe and the pain usually fades. I still suffer bad anxiety so these pains havnt never left, but ive just learnt to deal with them after so many years. And i also get new symptoms popping up all the time. And also anouther thing in common we share (in a way) is that i thought that i had chrones disease because my grandad died from it. So when all my stomach problems arose from the anxiety, i immedietly jumped to that conclusion. I had colonoscopies and mri and all sort of blood tests. But so far nothing surprose surprise. Now to control it i just take fibrogel everyday and the problem has eased. And my boyfriend is also quite patient, though again the same i always feel like hes one day going to say thats it! But really hes patient and very supportive. I no its hard to take comfort in anything anyone says when you feel like this, but at least no theres people like you who can relate with you. :)

[pitchblackheart]

Thanks for your reply Jo. I really appreciate it.
It seems we have quite a few symptoms and other bits and bobs in common.
It is nice, but awful at the same time, to read other people having the same problems.
Like you I'm working really hard, mainly by working and other activities, to keep myself distracted and tell myself that it's temporary. It always just feels so real. The shoulder pain is a new, and scary, symptom for me. Sometimes it hurts so much I want to try!!
But we just have to keep plodding along I guess while other people judge us and think were mad and need to get a grip (in my experience anyway!)

[j2005]

Yep, I feel all the same symptoms.

Practice deep breathing everyday... Before you need it.

You need to exercise just to prove you won't die.

The paps scare me the most. I just breathe deep and wait them out.

Hang in there,
James

[dazza]

Hi Michelle <waves>

Your story is almost identical to mine, even down to the start date.

My heart attack anxiety started end of December 2011, where I had an electric shock type pain shoot through my upper-left arm.

I immediately concluded this to be an impending heart attack. Filled with deathly fear, I rose from my chair... made my way toward the phone but just stood there, frozen... confused, alone, helpless, flashing images of loved ones, fear of the "other side" (if there was one)... focused on nothing but death.

This was it. My time had come - I thought.

Although I didn't die that evening (obviously, unless this is my ghost writing this), the fear of an impending heart attack totally consumed my every waking minute thereon... which of course led to the development of <drum roll> HEALTH ANXIETY DISORDER <cymbol crash>

Yeeeaaapppp, I got it big time.

I lived in hell for the coming months. Panic attack after panic attack after panic attack - all of which came complete with horrendous chest pains, palpitations, increased heart rate, arm pains, breathlessness, neck pains, shoulder pains, back pains... you fucking name it and I had it.

(Excuse my language... the subject makes me angry at times)

In terms of NOW, what's happened is; because you've been consumed with fear for so long, your brain has malfunctioned in that it can no longer rationalise those fears.
Instead, the monster worries (heart attack anxiety) that plague you are triggering our primitive reaction to danger; fight or flight mode.
Simple as that.

Fight or flight mode unleashes a variety of nasties into your body, such as erratic nerve activity, adrenalin surges, blood circulation adjustments and so on, where each of these themselves trigger further sensations / pains / twitches / numbness / tingles and whatever else you can imagine.

I'm sorry for your dad.
My grandfather was similar - he was 45 and died of a blod clot. A result of having had varicose vein surgery not long before.

[pitchblackheart]

Hi Dazza.

Thanks for your reply. You do talk a lot of sense. I definitely have health anxiety.

I've even spent hundreds of pounds at a chiropractor as they said it's not anxiety and instead maybe strain injuries, but it's not helped at all. And I guess it never will while ever I have the anxiety.

More new sensaations today...it's a wonderful world isn't it! Still horrible shoulder pain and prickly heat feeling in my chest, but today with a really empty feeling in my chest, and then feeling like I've missed a beat and then back to normal again. Also jaw ache today, and o sore neck. What on earth is going on!

I'm making a real effort to work hard at ignoring all this but boy it's hard!!

[julia1red]

im so glad to find this site, i am to experiencing the same symptoms ive had bloods done ecg chest x ray, keep going to docs they r getting fed up with me now waiting to see a pyschartsit cant spell it sorry, last night i was sobbing i thought i was having a heart attack even now im sitting here with pains in chest and arm pain scared to go for my bath in case it happens there, my hubby is getting really peed off, i suffer fom depression have done for 15year i take prozac so would think i would be ok but im not have started taking nytol to sleep so i can shut down help!!! its ruining my life

[pitchblackheart]

Hi Julia,

Your just like me, although it's only been going on for 9ish months for me. It's so debilitating. For a split second I think ooo woohoo I'm okay!! Then boom 5 seconds later feel arm pain, chest pain, burning. Even writing this now I feel crushing in my shoulder and feeling breathless.
Also just like you a run a bath and panic thinking it's hot and it will increase my heart rate, then I might have a heart attack and the ambulance crew won't get to me.

I also live in a gated secure complex that you can only get in if you have a pass, so always panic at home thinking ambulances won't be able to get to me if anything happens. It's awful. No matter what I'm told I genuinely believe everyday that's today's the day. I wake up thinking that today is my last day, but can't live it like it is because I'm so tired and upset and miserable and obsessed with thinking about the what pain I will feel next.

Ughhh sorry for the rant! I wish it could be over for both of us, anxiety free.

Is there anything that takes yours away or lessens it at all Julia? do you find a sanctuary in anything?

Thanks you :-) xx