allyml
08-30-2012, 02:56 AM
Don't have much money in my account and flipped out bc I overdrew it. Have been trying to find a job, but no dice. Even crappy jobs are really hard to come by, since I'm overqualified.
So I basically cried a lot today. Haven't cried that much in a while. Felt so crappy and depressed. I called my bf, and he tried to be supportive, which was nice, and talked me through my attack. Then I called my sponsor, so she told me to go to a meeting. So I did, and have now discovered I can't sleep. My mind is too worried and jumbled, and I'm smoking like a fiend. This has been happening a lot, interrupted sleep and trouble falling asleep. Then I want to sleep the whole day.
I'm just praying things will get better. I am so worried that I'll have no money for rent or food or cigarettes. And I have no valuables, so I can't even sell my possessions, lol.
It's been really hard. I think a lot of my sense of self is tied to work. I feel like, who am I without a job? I hate feeling like a bump on a log and an unproductive member of society. I got my degree in a helping profession so I can help people, and that's what I enjoy doing, and now I feel like I can't help others bc I'm so fricking depressed! And it makes me Like, how can I be helpful and of service to others if I'm having emotional issues.
Grrrrr! I just want to be hired!
And this whole thing just makes me feel like I'm worthless and not a good person, even though I know that's not true and it's just my mind being super crazy. Knowing sometimes still doesn't change the feelings.
Anyway, thank you all for listening. It's nice to know that some people are out there.
So I basically cried a lot today. Haven't cried that much in a while. Felt so crappy and depressed. I called my bf, and he tried to be supportive, which was nice, and talked me through my attack. Then I called my sponsor, so she told me to go to a meeting. So I did, and have now discovered I can't sleep. My mind is too worried and jumbled, and I'm smoking like a fiend. This has been happening a lot, interrupted sleep and trouble falling asleep. Then I want to sleep the whole day.
I'm just praying things will get better. I am so worried that I'll have no money for rent or food or cigarettes. And I have no valuables, so I can't even sell my possessions, lol.
It's been really hard. I think a lot of my sense of self is tied to work. I feel like, who am I without a job? I hate feeling like a bump on a log and an unproductive member of society. I got my degree in a helping profession so I can help people, and that's what I enjoy doing, and now I feel like I can't help others bc I'm so fricking depressed! And it makes me Like, how can I be helpful and of service to others if I'm having emotional issues.
Grrrrr! I just want to be hired!
And this whole thing just makes me feel like I'm worthless and not a good person, even though I know that's not true and it's just my mind being super crazy. Knowing sometimes still doesn't change the feelings.
Anyway, thank you all for listening. It's nice to know that some people are out there.