camilla91
08-30-2012, 12:48 AM
Well to start I had a bad day yesterday, very depersonalised, and depressed, me and my partner split up a few days ago (I've already said this on other posts lol) anyway, my appointment was at 11, my ex partner didn't turn up to watch the baby until 20 past. Then I had to catch the bus. And it was pi**ing it down! So turned up 45 minutes late soaking wet and out of breath!
Anyway on to the important stuff, because I haven't been eating properly he said that needs sorting first because 'its very worrying' ... He asked me why I've cut certain foods out, when I explained some of them make me feel worse he gave me a very funny look then drew me a picture that put it all in perspective! He drew a few boxes, the first he put in 'depersonalisation caused by tablets' in the second he put 'irrational fears of becoming mother' and in the third he put 'triggers' at first this meant nothing to me, until he told me basically the depersonalisation isn't my fear, its the fear of becoming my mum, this terrifes me that badly that I've cut everything off that could be 'triggers' I.e food. Certain places (I will not go into the hospital where my mum is I actually have a fear and didn't know the reason until he pointed it out) and certain people (my mum, certain friends, the whole side of my mums family)
Then he drew another box coming off 'triggers' and wrote 'thoughts' he wrote down all the crazy thoughts I have, then the 'physical symptoms' and emotional symptoms until they all the boxes joined together to make a cycle - triggers - thoughts - physical symptoms - emotional symptoms and then back to 'trigggers' that's when I saw what was actually happening to me! That's when it clicked what was REALLY happening.
That silly little drawing made me feel so much better becausesomeone actually knew what was happening and sounds very much like he can fix it.
I'm so looking forward to the next session.. Quite scared because he wants to go 'in depth' and I don't really fancy letting a complete stranger know how mad I really am LOL but I'll do because I have faith in this man already! I half expected to turn up and him be sat with a table full of food that he was going to try force down me, I'd have walked out and never return lol.
Anyway I'll let yous know how the next session goes!
Anyway on to the important stuff, because I haven't been eating properly he said that needs sorting first because 'its very worrying' ... He asked me why I've cut certain foods out, when I explained some of them make me feel worse he gave me a very funny look then drew me a picture that put it all in perspective! He drew a few boxes, the first he put in 'depersonalisation caused by tablets' in the second he put 'irrational fears of becoming mother' and in the third he put 'triggers' at first this meant nothing to me, until he told me basically the depersonalisation isn't my fear, its the fear of becoming my mum, this terrifes me that badly that I've cut everything off that could be 'triggers' I.e food. Certain places (I will not go into the hospital where my mum is I actually have a fear and didn't know the reason until he pointed it out) and certain people (my mum, certain friends, the whole side of my mums family)
Then he drew another box coming off 'triggers' and wrote 'thoughts' he wrote down all the crazy thoughts I have, then the 'physical symptoms' and emotional symptoms until they all the boxes joined together to make a cycle - triggers - thoughts - physical symptoms - emotional symptoms and then back to 'trigggers' that's when I saw what was actually happening to me! That's when it clicked what was REALLY happening.
That silly little drawing made me feel so much better becausesomeone actually knew what was happening and sounds very much like he can fix it.
I'm so looking forward to the next session.. Quite scared because he wants to go 'in depth' and I don't really fancy letting a complete stranger know how mad I really am LOL but I'll do because I have faith in this man already! I half expected to turn up and him be sat with a table full of food that he was going to try force down me, I'd have walked out and never return lol.
Anyway I'll let yous know how the next session goes!