Feeling spaced out...sometimes.

[jaeva1990]

Ok well ill tell you how it started, I was obsessing over this girl for months, who went to my school, I would always think about her, and we become pretty close and on valentines day I put the moves on and now we are going out.

A couple of weeks before that I woke up one night, completely nervous, sweaty, heart pounding, because of something she said to me as a joke, she goes, ' are you gay? ' You see I'd never thought about it, mainly because I have never been interested in men that way at all, but it really affected me, it became an obsessive thought, you hear about those stories of men, being married then years later finding out they're gay or something and their marriages being a sham, I thought what if that would happen to me? What if I woke up one day and I was suddenly gay or something? I mean the thought even affected me libido and everything, typing this out makes me feel all embarassed about it and stupid to even think it but yeah, I got scared to watch tv, in case i got turned on by some guy on it, or something stupid like that, I became really obsessive about the whole thing. It would be the last thing I thought about before a went to bed, and the first thing I would think about when I wake up. And its been emotionally and mentally draining me ever since, to the point were I cant even shut off my thoughts, like I cant remember when I didnt used to think about it, until recently were I started to feel really spaced out, like I wasnt even here, like as if I was in a dream, I mean I know im not, but even when I type this I feel like iam. Been finding it really hard to concentrate, I even started to think about other things that worried me, stupid things, like maybe i was in a coma, and would wake up finding me whole life didnt happen or something.

I just feel so generally frustrated at the moment, because I remember what it was like when I didnt think about this, and it has all seemed to boil up together with some school work deadlines I have on monday. I just wanna feel normal again, been feeling not myself for like a month, and I hate the way I'm thinking about everything, like what is the point in my being here? Its so draining, I never thought about this before. I've talked to my mum, and my stepdad, about the whole gay worry thing, and i felt better for awhile, realising how much of a stupid prospect it was, suddenly waking up gay, or something stupid like that. But I still get this rush of nervousness, when one of my friends goes ' o thats gay' or something like that, I just feel so stupid. Its really frustrating, because I just wanna go back to everything the way it was. And now I have a relationship, I get a ton of worries on top of everything else because of it, its just like I cant shut my head off, thinking about every little bloody detail, and when I dont think about it, I seem to go "o i didnt think about it, well done me :)" which instantly makes me think about it again. I so desperately just want to go to bed, wake up the next day and feel completely normal, but it just feels like its never gonna happen?


I dont really know what to do. All these fears seemed to have come together all at once, I keep thinking about everything thats happened in my life, and possible reasons why. I almost feel like I wanna throw up, and all these thoughts and worries will just fall out of my mouth, and be gone for ever.

And the worst part of it all is im 16? Surely I shouldnt think so much at my age, I know its common for people to question their sexual orientation at this point in my life, but I feel I dont really have a reason to, because I never even thought twice about it before, until my gf questioned me as a joke. The only time I feel kind of alright is when I'm with her, and I dread leaving her and going home, I also dread going to bed, and laying down and being stuck with my thoughts again, I seem to also have really weird dreams, like I dream 3 times a night, waking up in between, I haven't not had a dreamless sleep for ages, and a good sleep for that matter, and I cant stand lieing in, because I just lay there thinking about everything over and over.

I really just want everything to go back to normal, before that night were I woke up so worried, I sometimes think I'm going crazy, like I have OCD or something. Please help, I know there is alot to read, but I have alot I think about, and I just wanna be normal again.

[jaeva1990]

What I'm mostly asking, is, do you think I should seek professional help?

This whole thing just feels like a bad dream, my mum went to therapy or something after her divorce, as she started to question who she was, and what was the point of life. It just feels like this is taking control of my life, and its scaring me, I feel so useless and just like giving up. I never felt this useless before and its really taking its tole on me and scaring me, I have read the symptoms and I know its anxiety, and it just feels like why should this happen to me, I know I'm rambling on, its just I have no one else to talk to at the moment and everyone is out of the house, and I was supposed to spend today with my gf but she got ill, so now I just feel worse...

[smittythepig]

you may very well have OCD. all i can tell you is that i went through something similar when i was around 21. i had a fairly minor medical issue that i ended up not being able to resolve for a very long time and i became more and more obsessed with it until one day i realized it was always on my mind in one form or another. when i woke up that was the first thing that entered my mind. right before i fell asleep that's what i was thinking about. even when i was doing something else it was like it was lingering there in the background. that is in fact what the obsessive part of obsessive-compulsive disorder is all about. and a lot of people with OCD have anxiety issues, too. it ended up causing me sever anxiety and was crippling. i finally went to my doctor who prescribed zoloft. things got a little worse before they got better but all of a sudden one day i realized i had moments where i actually forgot about the problem. then more and more of those moments. and i wasn't having panic attacks anymore either. i ended up going a good 9 years up until recently i started having anxiety issues again due to lots of things going on in my life. that particular medical issue hasn't been a problem in ages.

at any rate, the point is i think you may have OCD tendencies and you should probably seek the help of a therapist, or at least read a book called Brain Lock. I honestly haven't read it but i was told to read it by a therapist because it deals with OCD and it's supposed to be good. you could probably read any self help book on the subject. but professional help would probably be a good idea at this point. it's often only temporarily needed while you start to figure out what's going on with you and learn tools to keep your thoughts under control. and it's always a relief to share these painful feelings with someone else. medication may or may not be necessary. but it can definitely be helpful. and the spacey feeling you mention is probably what is referred to as depersonalization/derealization. you can look it up on the web. often happens alongside anxiety.

so you're not in any danger. just sounds like some very common OCD and/or anxiety that is definitely treatable and for some people is only a temporary thing. others like me struggle with anxiety at different periods of their life on and off. 16 is a common age to have something like this happen. teenagers and college-age kids often experience their first panic and anxiety problems at those ages. life can be confusing and scary and some of us have more sensitive brains that tend to overeact to things and if we don't understand why, things can get out of control. fortunately anxiety is the most common mental health issue of all and there are plenty of helpful resources out there.

good luck

[myra]

I have these thoughts all the time!! (not being gay, but having a serious illness..health anxiety)

My therapist said that I have mild OCD. But that didn't make me feel worse, it almost made me feel better. When you have OCD, you can't get thoughts out of your head and they cause you anxiety. If it makes you feel any better, I believe that people know that they are gay from the day they are born, it's not something you just come into. Reading into OCD, that is actually an obsession that a lot of people have that are straight and have never had feelings toward someone of the opposite sex.

If I were you, I would talk to your doctor or perhaps go to counseling.

I'm 23 and having these issues. My brother was 16/17 when he started having anxiety issues. So don't feel bad about your age, it can happen at any age!

[Auron]

actually at the age that you have you tend to question many things.

I had a simmilar experience..there was this friend named Krystal at work and at school who first hated me then i started talking to her and became close friends. she asked me if i was gay but not directly, and i said no....and i began to wonder if i could suddenly wake up being gay and thats just ridiculious, or worrying about looking a guy because someone may think that im looking at him with other intentions.

but after a while it kind of wears off and you go on with your life. to me at least

[rathan]

Obsession about anything can be crippling. Just remember though that if you do have OCD, it's something that you can seek treatment for and overcome.

As for the gay part, I wouldn't really know about this, but I don't think it's something you just wake up with and say,"Oh, I'm gay." I don't think there was any motivation or reason for what she said.

[pinkpears333]

I am so glad I found your post cause I've had obsessions about suddenly one day becoming a lesbian. Just like you, I was nervous to watch TV and all of those things cause I was scared I would become a lesbian if I saw a good looking girl on TV and I can relate cause it's really scary even though you know it's some senseless fear. I'm in a long term relationship with my boyfriend and these intrusive thoughts just ruin the moment between us. I seriously feel for you and I'm glad I found your post. PM me if you would like!

[JimmyB]

Yea, I've been feeling spaced out for a while now, its a horrible feeling, you just feel like your not there.

Does anyone know how long this is likely to last, I am getting a little better, I suffer from depression which has resulted in massive anxiety also. I just wanna feel wired again!

[confusedkid]

no way!! this is too weird omg?? this is the exact same thing that is happening to me right now dude!!! im 16 as well and im having this exact same problem. I dont wanna watch tv incase i turn gay one day and i worry about it before i go to bed and in the morning. Although i am winning right now..i keep telling myself that its just from this disorder and i realise that i dont have to think about it. Im in control of my mind. Not the other way around. any of you too pm me anytime.

[TitusPullo]

Same type of thing is happening to me too at the moment. I cant even watch TV either or a movieeven. I've been resigned to reading (which i love) but sometimes that can trigger the unwanted thoughts. Also where i work i see alot of males which makes it hard. There's a girl at work that i like though so she takes a bit of the confusion away sometimes. Soon as i wake up i hope that i wont think about it but its one of the first thoughts that pop into my head so i try to do things that keep me preoccupied. I might go see the doctor coz i've had other problems with anxiety.

Good luck and happy thoughts to all.

Just realised i replied to a 1 year old thread but it was the only one that was bringing up the same problems i'm having.

Sorry to the mods if this is annoying.