Confused

[marie1985]

Hi everyone,
I didn't realise I had anxiety until recently. My father has it and I wondered about it for awhile. I t initially appeared in childhood but it was ignored really. I got better but I always had this sense I was different and kind of weird but didn't know why. I covered these feelings up pretty well (so I thought). I realised when I was with people 1:1 I was relaxed but in larger crowds I would get very embarrassed and get red faced. I continued to challenge this and put myself in situations where I was in crowds. I learned to manage but the underlying anxiety was still there. I went off to work and moved country. I have found lately when I am in meetings I find it difficult to get my words out properly. At times I get this fight or flight response and I feel like I might lose it. It's really scary to feel this way. I have been self critical and indecisive also, I thought I was losing my memory. I realise now that these are symptoms of anxiety which is a relief in some respect as I can learn to manage again hopefully.
Sorry for the long entry, even if nobody reads this it feels good to get it out there.
I'm not sure if I need meds yet but I will go to my GP when I get one sorted,
Thank you :-)

[Movinonmom]

When I feel this way in public situations I ask myself "why are you afraid? What in this room is going to hurt you?". Kind of makes me realize I am being irrational.

[marie1985]

Ya I have told myself that but it's more the feeling I will lose control and embarrass myself. It is so hard to think that I could do that and lose everything I have worked so hard for x

[Movinonmom]

I've lost control at work at least 3 times. And I mean people got out the blood pressure cuff and put cold rags on my neck and face. I cried and hyperventilated. It's humiliating. I'm sorry you have to worry about losing what you've worked for. I know not everyone has caring people in their work environment. That's what is so hard I have found about anxiety is that people who don't have it don't understand. And in some cases don't want to understand.

[NatalieRegina]

I took medical leave when my anxiety was pretty bad and ended up losing my job- well, they "covered" my shifts and "didn't need any help at the moment" when I was ready to return. It was hard to take, but in the end, I realized I don't want to work for people who find me (and others) so disposable. If you've proven that you're an asset, you'll be fine. If they don't accept you for being human, then losing that job is them doing you a favor.

[marie1985]

I have spoken to my manager and I have explained I have been stressed and anxious. I didn't go into too much detail. She was very kind about it. I hope I get better soon. I have started a relaxation course. Thank u for your help.