Calii
08-27-2012, 09:02 AM
I feel so depressed and trapped in my thoughts...
I'm laying here right now wondering why god hasn't just ended everything for me yet... I've been back and forth to te hospital due to anxiety even when I have the littlest pain I freak out so I might as well call the hospital a second home.. It seems as though that's the only time my worrys go away.. I get dizzy almost faint like... Foggy feeling.. My vision even goes blurry.. I'm always making excuses to not go out.. I quit my job.. I feel like I'm slowly fading out.. I was attacked a couple months ago and that's what started my anxiety back up again.. But I don't even feel like it bothers me nor do I even think about it.. Is this normal to get anxiety when you don't even care or think about what happened... Nothing makes sense to me anymore.. My doctor prescribed me lorazapam for anxiety but it makes me so stupid and drowsy.. It's a pill you'd have to take if you were planning on going to bed right after. I took one once ad went to work and I barley even remember that day.. I don't want a pill that does that to me.. If I were to be attacked again and was on those meds I'd probably get killed .. There's no fast reaction no strength no nothing. They do make me feel alright though.. All though the dizziness doesn't quite go away. I always think im dying or going to die and the littlest thing makes me believe I'm going to like.. If something really good happens for me I always go straight to thinking oh my god I'm going to die cause good stuff doesn't happen to people that are going to live long.. Like who the hell thinks like that.. Why me... I hate it.. I would never kill myself but death seems a lot easier at this point even knowing I'm terrified to die.. :( I don't know anymore..
I'm laying here right now wondering why god hasn't just ended everything for me yet... I've been back and forth to te hospital due to anxiety even when I have the littlest pain I freak out so I might as well call the hospital a second home.. It seems as though that's the only time my worrys go away.. I get dizzy almost faint like... Foggy feeling.. My vision even goes blurry.. I'm always making excuses to not go out.. I quit my job.. I feel like I'm slowly fading out.. I was attacked a couple months ago and that's what started my anxiety back up again.. But I don't even feel like it bothers me nor do I even think about it.. Is this normal to get anxiety when you don't even care or think about what happened... Nothing makes sense to me anymore.. My doctor prescribed me lorazapam for anxiety but it makes me so stupid and drowsy.. It's a pill you'd have to take if you were planning on going to bed right after. I took one once ad went to work and I barley even remember that day.. I don't want a pill that does that to me.. If I were to be attacked again and was on those meds I'd probably get killed .. There's no fast reaction no strength no nothing. They do make me feel alright though.. All though the dizziness doesn't quite go away. I always think im dying or going to die and the littlest thing makes me believe I'm going to like.. If something really good happens for me I always go straight to thinking oh my god I'm going to die cause good stuff doesn't happen to people that are going to live long.. Like who the hell thinks like that.. Why me... I hate it.. I would never kill myself but death seems a lot easier at this point even knowing I'm terrified to die.. :( I don't know anymore..