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View Full Version : Why does it feel as though my life is suddenly falling apart?



QuidEstVeritas
08-26-2012, 09:23 PM
Hello everyone,

I suppose this will get quite long so please bear with me. I'm going to go off on a tangent of what seems to be irrelevant information because I want to take this back to the beginning. I'm trying to see if there's something that triggered the problems I'm having now that can be found in the recent adventures of my life.

So... I'm an 18 year old male (turned 18 since the 11th of this month) and graduated from high school very recently. I'll be headed off to college in the fall, and I seem to know what I'm going to do with my life. I decided I want to go into the business field. More specifically, I want to work on marketing. I'm really interested in starting my own business one day and becoming very successful. That's all fair and good. All of my life I've been blessed with good health (no history of health problems other than eczema in my childhood) and people see me as someone intelligent and someone who's very polite. The rest of my family also (as far as I know of) has relatively good health.

Yet..

All of a sudden everything seems to be falling apart all at once. You see, this all appears to have manifested itself as a long, drawn out process. Some days (or a week or so) prior to graduation, something strange had happened to me. Rewind to a weekend in early June. My mother had bought a rug to put under the kitchen table. That same day, prompted by boredom (with a side of stupidity) I decided to see if I was still flexible enough to reach my leg high. To test my flexibility, I stretched my leg over the kitchen counter. No problems there. Later that day my mother had come home with the rug and she had me help her move the table so that the rug could be placed. From this point on, I have no idea what happened, but still later that evening, when I was sitting in my computer chair, I started to feel a strange soreness around my right pelvic area. As a matter of fact, preceding the soreness, I felt a sharp pain shoot down my leg to my knee when I shifted around in my computer chair. That hurt a great deal but the pain experienced from that subsided very quickly and within a few seconds it was gone. It was an odd experience but I haven't had it happen since. Anyways, I would describe the soreness as being at the top of the hip bone more towards the right I thought this was strange as I didn't feel as though I pulled a muscle at the time of my stretches and had no pain at the time of the stretching.. This soreness was far from severe yet mild enough to cause me to worry. So then I decided to research what my condition possibly could be on the internet. I read several things that really and deeply worried me. What I read everywhere led me to believe I had appendicitis. I was so worried and became very unsettled and afraid to die. I went to the doctor to find out what had happened to me. Fast forward the next day.. The doctor at the urgent care clinic sees me and examines my symptoms. He presses on all areas of the right side of my stomach to ratify or refute the possibility of appendicitis. After his very hard presses on the right side of my stomach, he determined without a shadow of a doubt that I did not have appendicitis. But still, the real cause of the problem remained a mystery. The doctor ordered a test of my urine and with that there was found to be nothing wrong with my urine. More confusion ensues. The doctor then orders that I do an ultrasound of the abdomen to find out what was really going on. Due to the fact that I was preparing for my graduation, I had to postpone the ultrasound until about a week or so after. Anyways, after taking the ultrasound, they found out exactly what was wrong with my insides: nothing. The only thing remarkable is that I was told I had a fatty liver: something I had already heard before. After seeing a different doctor in the Urgent Care clinic (because it is, after all, a walk in clinic so it's not likely I'll see the same doctors all the time) and having had him review the results of my ultrasound and what I had told the other doctor, he attributed my discomfort to a muscular problem and prescribed Naproxen to me.

Now let us again fast forward a few weeks to where the most action takes place.

It's been about a week or 2 since I went to see the doctor at the Urgent Care. After taking the Naproxen, I began to realize 2 things: a) Naproxen constipates me and; b) It did not do anything for the soreness in my pelvis so I stopped taking it. What's worse is that the soreness at the front of my pelvis started to move around!! Yes, every week the soreness seemed to change places and move. During the first week or so of the soreness, it was located in the right pelvic area where it started. Then after a week or so I started feeling soreness more towards the right side of my body. That was weird and it lasted for about a week or so. Then the soreness seemed to move again after maybe less than a week more towards the right side of my back. I'd also like to mention that each day the soreness seemed to move from spot to spot, but never back to its original location. It seemed to switch back and forth from being on my right side to being at my right back. How insane... but still the plot thickens.

Let's now travel to July 23rd. I've been to my actual doctor since then and told him about what happened to me. He as well attributed my problems as being muscular and hypothesized that it was a pulled muscle. However, discussing what happened to me isn't why I went to see him. Actually, I had (and still have) have a problem with my lips. Ever since around March, my lips have become discolored and have turned a brownish color. I don't believe this is anything serious though, as I do recall my lips being very dry around that period and me not using anything to moisturize them and just licking them a lot. So I believe my lips are probably just damaged by the sun, but nothing serious. Anyways, because of this my doctor sent me to do some blood work so that he could send me off to a dermatologist. The result of my blood test was normal, except that I had low iron. Fine. However.. Before I went to see my doctor and the same day I took the blood test I noticed something strange. I felt a sort of tightness in my chest that didn't seem to go away. So when my mother came home from work I told her about this and she believed it to be acid reflux and told me to take 2 Gaviscon tablets. Amazingly enough, they worked and I didn't feel the chest tightness for the rest of the day.. Fast forward to the next day and I have a nice glass of orange juice and the chest tightness returns. So I thought to myself that I foolishly re-triggered this acid reflux in me and decided to take the 2 Gaviscon again. Funnily enough, they did nothing. A few hours later I tried another OTC drug for it: Alkaseltzer. This also did nothing. I tried a whole bunch of other OTC drugs and they also did nothing at all. This led me to believe that my problem wasn't really acid reflux. Over the course of a few weeks, I decided to test my theory that it wasn't acid reflux by eating a variety of foods: spicy, orange juice, tomatoes, ketchup, etc. All things that are supposed to cause acid reflux. I noticed no change whatsoever in the chest tightness and during the times of the day where it would subside, no difference would be made then either. Nothing I did would make the tightness better or worse. What's interesting to take note of is the fact that this tightness would go away after I have been rested for a long period of time. Every morning after I woke up I would feel fine but shortly after when I started to move around I would experience the tightness again. But when I leave the house the tightness seems to go away or I just forget about it.. Weird.

Anyways, ow my problems seem to be multiplying. I recently found out that I had a small cavity even though I've lived my life before with NONE whatsoever, I started to get sick with a bad cold recently and I feel as though muscles in my foot are sore as well. What the hell is going on with me? Is this anxiety? Am I going crazy? Am I imagining these symptoms? The doctor's tests show nothing wrong with me and yet I still experience these sensations. I just don't get it.. But when I leave the house I usually don't feel my symptoms as much or they just disappear completely until I'm back at home! What is this? Is it because I tend to stay at home in my basement playing video games all day and don't hang out with the "friends" who've abandoned me? Towards the end of my high school career they all began to turn on me in ways unimaginable. They wouldn't ever actually reject me, but it became obvious to them that I wasn't like them and I slowly became alienated from them. Now I don't talk to any of them at all.

QuidEstVeritas
08-26-2012, 10:22 PM
I really need some answers. The way I go about life has not really changed at all yet what's been happening to my body has. I've felt, for a very long time now, as though I'm alone in this world and no one has a sincere interest in me. That feeling is not new and it's why I have a hard time trusting people's motives. I'm an only child born to a single mother who let me pretty much raise myself for the past 18 years. Her and I are really not alike in many ways and I don't understand how she feels as though we have a strong bond when I don't feel as though she really even cares. She says things to me that indicate me being a burden and has done so in the past. "If I didn't have you, I'd be able to do so much more" or "I'm only doing the job I'm doing (she's a nurse at a nursing home) because of you" and so on are things I've heard before. I'm sure she "loves" me, but I often wonder if her so-called love is out of pure self-interest. A few years ago there was a gigantic family feud that seemed to split my family into shreds and now half of my family won't talk to the other half and I have a whole bunch of people who hate me because they hate my mother! I don't know what I did to deserve this. Then there was a time where my mom and my aunt (we live in the same house) had a physical fight that I had to separate. It was horrible and it was over the dumbest thing.. My aunt made a remark about me watching pornography which really set my mom off. And the thing is too that my mother actually did catch me watching it a few months back and totally lost it. I had already known I shouldn't have been watching it at the time and I was actually trying to stop for months before, realizing that I had and still have an addiction to it. But I must tell you that she literally almost killed me because of it. She started throwing things at me, threatening to call the police, threatening to tell everyone what I had done, and when I tried to get her off me she BIT ME and left a bite mark on my arm that lasted for several weeks. I only told a few people the real reason why I had a bite mark on my arm but to anyone who asked I had to lie. And my mother just started to tell everyone.. It was horrible. As for my father, I talk to him but I'm really starting to lose interest in the man. He shows very little interest in the things that I do and all of our phone conversations are very unproductive and go nowhere. He left me when I was young and I managed to meet him when I was only 7. I still remember that day when I first met him. Anyways.. Enough about him and all this.

Now I know what this might sound like and believe me I didn't let any of the above things affect me too much. I never spent time crying over it (haven't cried in years) and figured I've made it this far so I might as well keep going. I try to tell myself not to let it bother me. But yet still I must say that I feel as though no one really cares about me. I even want to say I don't care about anyone but myself but I know that I don't really believe that. This is all too much for me to process really. I just don't know what to do and it seems like my life is falling apart. My life wasn't perfect before but I wasn't having symptom after symptom after symptom like I am now. I don't really get what's happening to me and I'm starting to consider the possibility that I'm just stressed out and have a lot of pent up frustration that's only starting to release itself now as all of these symptoms.

I'm sorry for the long post but I really would like to know your thoughts and opinions on this.

joshbagosh
08-27-2012, 05:15 AM
Good Morning!

One day I woke up and my pulse felt funny. My heartbeat was erratic, not in tempo...needless to say I went to the ER got diagnosed with A-fib. They gave me a pill, an hour later my heart beat was back to norm. They discharged me saying I drink too many energy drinks.

A day later my chest starts feeling funny at night, just couldn't sleep! Then another day went by and had chest pains, scared the poo out of me! Went to docs and had an assortment of tests and was diagnosed with GAD!

I think if your doctor says your fine than treat your day like your fine! I didn't treat my days as though I was ok, I treated my days in fear of death and my. Anxiety has gotten way worse with dizziness, and a big mumbo jumbo mess of different symptoms!

dazza
08-27-2012, 01:21 PM
Hey

I'm not going to delve into your personal life because, well, quite simply - there's too much there to deal with in a forum post.

Admittedly, I've skipped some of your story (there's just TOO much, lol), so I'll focus on this bit:

>What the hell is going on with me? Is this anxiety? Am I going crazy? Am I imagining these symptoms? The doctor's tests show nothing wrong with me and yet I still experience these sensations. I just don't get it.. But when I leave the house I usually don't feel my symptoms as much or they just disappear completely until I'm back at home! What is this? Is it because I tend to stay at home in my basement playing video games all day and don't hang out with the "friends" who've abandoned me?

I can't give you an absolute answer but, if you didn't know already, then anxiety (or it's next stage up - "fight or flight mode") could well be the root cause of
your physical symptoms.

Chest pain / tightness, arm and leg pain (random locations), acid (stomach lacking in blood supply), swollen GLOBAS (lump in throat), foot pains, dizziness, light-headedness, depersonalization, derealization, fainting (rare but happens), tingling, numbness and MANY more - are all possible anxiety driven symptoms.

I.e. all your symptoms COULD be anxiety, yes.

You only feel like you're going crazy because anxiety often works as a background process. I.e. a process that is going on without you being aware of it whatsoever.
Anxiety increases and hits fight or flight mode level... this in turns releases a whole host of the oddest symptoms and before you know it you're riddled with what FEELS like a virus.
Anxious nerves, excess adrenalin, neurotransmissions of "DANGER" throughout the body, etc. will have you running for the hills...

If the medical doctors say there's nothing wrong with you then hold on to that thought REAL tight. It's your comforting teddy bear during a night of anxious terrors - so to speak.

If you don't feel symptoms outdoors then this says it all really. You're not focusing on them... you're distracted - they dissappear.

Anxiety is Freddy Creugar's twin brother, but unlike Freddy (who comes in your dreams), Anxiety will come when you're anxious or fearing... even if only a TINY, WEENY bit.

dazza
08-27-2012, 01:41 PM
By the way, small shot here... but have you been tested for Lymes disease?

Seems to be worse in North America and rare elsewhere.

jhunter89
08-27-2012, 01:54 PM
Someone else posted about Lyme disease the other day. Imgibson87 or sumink their name was.

littlelightning
08-27-2012, 03:19 PM
Your description sounds very close to mine. I was found to have various types of stones (kidney, gall, and gastric crystalizations). I have a fatty liver too. And, my asthma and my over over production of bile aggravate each other. Sometimes I need to take my inhaler instead of an antacid or vice versa. My eczema is something associated with my asthma.

If you spend a lot of time in basement, there are a lot of allergens down. Plus, if those symptoms go away after you leave, just to return when you go back there may be something to it.

Try getting a air purifier for the basement and where you sleep. And then talk to your doctor more.

As for your family and friends, don't get too worried. Life is a process of phases for every one. I have three pieces of advice.

First, accept that you are moving into early adulthood. Reach out to your Mom and tell her that you understand life as a single had to be hard, but the fact is the two of you have each other to lean on. Try to see it from her side. Believe me a mother feels love for her children to the point of pain. It is hard to explain, but I never this kind of love before I had my son. She is hurting and feeling abandoned just as you are with your friends leaving. Forgive her for the past and forgive for the future. Tell her this and ask her to let you be there for her.

Secondly, don't worry about the curiosity about porn. That happens. You are young and impulsive. But, do tell you doctor that you are worried about being obsessed with it. If you have compulsive tendencies then any thing like this is not a good idea.

Thirdly, we ALL go through detachment of some kind when we finish high school. You have to keep moving forward and figure out what you are passionate about in your life. Sounds like you are already on track with your studies. Make some new friends where you go to college, start a study group of your own, and try getting a temporary job or an internship in the field you like.

I hope this helps.